Mr. Mafia Man

Chapter X: The Return

"Oh my god, do you not shut up." One of the gang members groaned from the floor in front of me.

"Well, to be fair, I was promised pizza and someone," pointed look in the general direction of the men, "didn't deliver."

"If we get you pizza will you please just shut up." Moaned the redhead teenager.

"Most certainly," I replied matter of factly. "After all I can't talk with food in my mouth. But it has to be the exact pizza I 'ordered' from you guys."

"Deal!" The head Irish gangster exclaimed before I could say anything else and the four immediately started conversing, trying to find the nearest pizza place with stuffed crust, just leaving me and my thoughts in the back of the van.

I guess I'm just lucky that I am extremely annoying. I've been sitting in this van for about five hours and I've already worn down the gang members. See I've been kidnapped before so I know the drill. This ain't my first rodeo is all I'm trying to say.

I use my time free from the prying eyes of the gang members to take stock of my surroundings. To be honest it's not much. I'm currently sitting in a stripped cargo van, the windows are clearly tinted even in the evening light. The only two seats in the vehicle were the driver's and passenger seat. Other than that it was completely empty.

"None of the pizza places around here have stuffed crust." One of the gang members complained.

"And all the ones that do are closed." The other said.

"I'm feeling the urge to sing," I warned

"Don't worry," The redhead said. "We are going to get you your pizza if we have to make it, please just don't talk or sing or move or anything. I can't handle another three hours of the song that never ends." Wow, I forgot I could break a person like that with only my voice and personality. Maybe I just forgot because Nicolas isn't as affected by my... charm as others.

One of the gangsters groans, "Dominos, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, and every pizza place near here is closed, and none of the others have any stuffed crust."

At this point I have decided that they have languished in my presence enough.

"Hand me your phone," I proclaim proudly.

"What?" The lead gangster asks, obviously thinking that I'm gonna call someone to come rescue me.

I roll my eyes. Are they stupid? I have them right where I want them and I don't plan on going anywhere until I get my pizza. "I said hand me your phone. I have a contact in the industry. Since you guys are so incompetent at getting me my pizza, I'll get it myself. BUT," I say and make eye contact with every man in the van one by one. "You are paying for it, and none of you guys are getting a slice."

All of them nod enthusiastically and hand me the phone. While I am dialing the number for Pazzi per la Pizza, my favorite pizza place, from memory, I instruct the mobsters to drive to the location.

Holding the phone to my ear I wait for Angelo to pick up. Typically I call from my phone, but Angelo seems to have a second sense for when I'm calling for my pizza fix, regardless of where I am or what number I am calling from. True to form immediately when he picks up Angelo says "Good evening Evelyn."

"Technically it's really early morning, but you know what to do."

I hear moaning come from the other end of the phone as Angelo rolls out of bed. "The usual?"

"You know it."

"It'll be ready in 20."

I sigh after ending the call. Angelo and I go way back, which is why he's okay with getting up at three in the morning to make me a pizza. It all started back when I was in high school, when I was dating his son, Luca. Well, long story short, Luca cheated on me and when Angelo found out he went absolutely apeshit. He invited me to come over to their pizza parlor whenever I wanted to and I took advantage of that multiple times over the past years, almost always visiting after a bad breakup or huge life change. We even celebrated my 21st birthday there at two in the morning because that's the time that I was born.

Angelo has an understanding of me that no one else does: namely that I'm not all that deep, I just love me an Italian dish consisting of a flat, round base of dough baked with a topping of tomato sauce and cheese. I'm just really that simple of a bitch.

When the van pulls up to the pizza place fifthteen minutes later, Angelo is already waiting outside. As the gang members jump out Angelo speaks "Wow, you've got quite a posse there with you, so you must not be mourning a breakup. What's the occasion then?"

"We are celebrating my very first kidnapping." I state matter of factly and casually enter the restaurant, forcing the guys to follow me.

"I'll throw some extra pizzas in the oven for you fellows." Angelo says, always such a stellar host but I inform him that there is no need as I plan to force these bastards to watch me eat every delicious slice of pizza and then pay for the damned thing.

Angelo shrugs, because, honestly, it's just par for the course with me at this point.

Before long I have devoured my meal, even allowing the gang members one slice between the four of them, leading to what I can only describe as the only true Hunger Game.

While I was finishing up my pizza, the gang leader went to go pay for the food, as the red head jotted something down on a napkin. After he finishes writing, he hands it to me and tells me to give it to my "boyfriend".

"My boyfriend?" I ask, very confused.

"Yeah, Nicolas?"

"Oh... is this why you kidnapped me, to get at Gang Guy? Well I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm not his girlfriend. I'm not even his friend. I just said that so I could get a free pizza."

"Oh my god." One of the other gang members groaned to the other. "This means that we put up with her for nothing?"

I shrug an apology shrug at them while the gang leader returns after paying the bill.

"Alright everybody, in the van. We're gonna take this bitch home so we can finally get some quiet." As he herds everybody out the door, I turn and wave goodbye to a very tired Angelo.

Then we all pile into the van and drive off into the night.

Word Count: 1135 Words

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Tbh this was one of the chapters that was the most boring to write but I just wanted to showcase how dumb Evelyn is but how everything just magically always seems to work out in her favor.

Also, Chapter 10! I planned on making this book between 33-37 Chapters long so we are ~1/4 of the way there. Hope everyone is enjoying the ride so far but buckle up, 'cause it's about to get a whole lot wilder.

-3AMmayhem