The Sins of a Father

Chapter Thirty-four

            I woke up on the floor... again. 

      The cold cobblestone had been pressed against my cheek, my body tangled up in a labyrinth of blankets and sheets. I sat up, surveying around the room, my books were where I had last left them. Everything seemed to be in order but me, I  should've been in my bed. I stood on my feet, checked the clock then ran to my closet changed into my teaching robes. I still had to get used to wearing a dress/robe everyday of my life but then again the dresses didn't feel like dresses, the felt like drapes from a window were thrown against my body and they were comfortable so there really wasn't room to complain; plus they made me feel kind of cool. 

        I went over to my small vanity, brushed out my birds nest that had gotten cut to a little bit past shoulders length.  With my hair so short, there wasn't really anything I could do it but brush and maybe pin some of it behind my ears. After that I set out my days lesson plans. Then shortly I walked down to the Great Hall, thinking about the awful dream I had, but I couldn't remember what it was or why it had bothered me so but I knew that it hadn't been good.

         At the Great Hall I sat next to Neville who was chatting with Professor Sprout about the lessons they would be doing that day. I gazed at the whole hall and a sense of joy filled me. I felt happy that everything had eventually gone back to normal but at the same time I could feel a pang of misery seeping in. As I remembered the happy days I also remember the hardships that everyone had to go through, the lives that had died for the school and the people in it, the people who represented it. Suddenly in the midst of my sadness I heard the familiar coos' of owl's coming in from ahead, the students all peered ahead to see if they could identify their owls. A letter landed in my lap, actually two letters rested on my legs. One from Dimitri, the other from George. Rolling my eyes at the on from Dimitri, I opened the one from George first with a small smile creepy to the edges of my cheeks.

          Dearest Raven,

                                   First off, I miss you! Well so does everyone else here at the Burrow but we both know that I miss you more than they ever can. I know it's only the third week of school but I can't wait for Christmas for you to visit the Burrow!

Can't wait to see you. Much love,

 George Weasley.

            I smiled at the letter then started finishing my breakfast I didn't want my breakfast to be ruined by Dimitri's awful words so I simply shoved it in my pocket. While staring at the professor's table, McGonagall surveyed her students with pride while she nibbled on her meek breakfast. I admired McGonagall's strength, she had lost so many students during the battle but she kept herself composed and elegant made me look up to her more. 

        Soon after I finished eating I stood up and walked to my classroom preparing for the second year class to start. I did enjoy working because it got my thoughts off of Dimitri, and my troubles, until I would go to sleep, once the shawl of unconsciousness shadowed my head the nightmares started and I had no way to stop them and I couldn't remember them the next day either. I searched recklessly through the potion books to find some kind of cure but never could find anything in them. Teaching also made me tired but I sometimes grasped a connection with some students who really did want to learn.

          During my prepping period, I found that I kept dozing off to sleep but instantly wake up because flashes of my nightmare would frighten me awake but the worse part was that I could never really remember what had happened after my eyes flapped open.

"Ah Raven, I've been meaning to ask you a very important question," Professor Slughorn's voice entered my room as he waltzed into my office. My head snapped up to attention at the sound of his voice and he noticed the dark shades under my eyes.

"Oh my dear girl, are you feeling quite alright?" he asked shutting the door. I placed my hand under my chin and nodded vaguely  as he checked the temperature on my forehead. "You look dreadfully awful, like you haven't slept in weeks," he clarified.

"Well you'd be right, every night since I've started working here I've been having the same sort of nightmares but right when I wake up I forget what the nightmare was and there are some nights where I wake up on the floor with sweat sticking to my face and I just don't know what I to do," I vented to him tiredly. Slughorn scrutinized my weary face for a long measured time then brightened up.

"I've got it! I could whip up a sleeping draught that will keep the nightmares at bay though it will take a little bit of time but I can do it, are you up for it?" he asked. Correcting my posture, my eyes brightened a little bit at his service but quickly dimmed.

"What do you want for it? I know you won't do it for free Slughorn," I sneered at him and Slughorn sighed as if I had guessed correct, which I did.

"Oh nothing too drastic, just some information about how the younger brother is, is all," he answered but I looked at him with a cynical look and he gave in completely. "And I want the story of your life, so I can se - keep it and share it with the future students who will know of the Boy Who Lived and his half sister, the children will just love it. Do you we have a deal?" he asked his question slowly. I considered the pros and cons and decided that no harm could come from it so I agreed. Slughorn's face lit up with excitement and I felt like I had made a big mistake but a smile remained on my face.

"How about I start on the potion tonight and we start during dinner, I'll just ask you some questions and write the answers down."

"Professor, I'd really prefer not talk about my life while I'm eating and being watched. If I cry I really don't  want the students asking me questions.  Why don't we start tomorrow since it's the weekend, then you can ask me questions all day if you wish," I bargained. Slughorn pouted for a moment that smiled.

"Fine, I'll see you after breakfast tomorrow Raven and please call me Horace, we are colleagues now, no need to be so formal," he added with a twinkled grin. 

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow Horace," I called as he left my office. I took a break from grading papers and rubbed my eyes then decided that it was time to open to Dimitri's letter.

        Raven, 

                       Please don't just throw this letter away without reading it, I'm sorry I kissed you when I last saw you. It was just -  I was just so angry at George for taking you back and you taking him back.  I realize that that was selfish of me but this letter isn't about me.. It's about one your friends, Isla, I found this article a few months back and realized that you haven't seen it but I thought you'd rather hear it from someone else than Riter Skeeter so I'm just going to tell you that on April 30th, Isla's family and herself were murdered by Voldemort because she was Mudblood. I'm sorry for being the barer of bad news but I figured you ought to know. I'm so sorry.

~ Dimitri.

           I couldn't believe it. One of my friends had died and I never knew about it... I should have been crying but the tears weren't coming - not even close. I felt sad of course, but I've lost so much that this loss was just another thing to add to the pile, it couldn't affect me the way any of the other deaths had. I couldn't finish any of my work because I kept thinking of all the good times Iana, Isla and I had together and no matter what, no tears came out but it was more like my heart had been sobbing. I could feel internal tears drip into the pit of my stomach but  I could only stare at the papers in front of me. 

            Time passed and dinner approached, slowly my feet guided my body to the dinner table and I sat there looking at the empty plate. At that moment I wished that my father was there to nudge my side and urge me to eat my food and ask what the matter was this time but he hadn't been there and he'd never be there ever again. The pain in my heart increased thinking about my father but tears still didn't flow just an empty depressing feeling.

"Raven, why aren't you eating?" Neville asked, swallowing his own food. I tried to smile at him, tried to be casual but I just couldn't. I didn't have it in me to even pretend to be okay..

"I'm not that hungry tonight, Neville," I replied my voice sallow.

"Are you sick?" he inquired cutting up another piece of food. 

"Yeah, I'm not feeling so well, I think I'm just going to go to bed- goodnight Neville." I stood up from my spot and walked back to my room, undressed into my shorts and tank top and got in bed preparing for a long sleepless night.