Irhaboggle Pride (2019) Spectrum

Life

Laura and Carmilla had spent many nights exploring the schloss' gardens together, and tonight was no different.

"Did you ever have anything quite so marvelous as this back home?" Laura asked her companion innocently, attempting to learn more about the girl's mysterious past while passing it off as a simple, conversational remark. She gestured to the sprawling grounds, illuminated by starlight.

"Nothing half so beautiful as this, no," Carmilla replied, leaving it at that. She knew what Laura was trying to do, and although she did desire to tell Laura all, the hour was not quite yet right for her to do so. So for now, Carmilla would hold her tongue, as much as it pained her.

"Dearest Carmilla," Laura frowned when Carmilla refused to elaborate. "We have been together for months now. When will you confide in me? When shall I receive your permission to know you just as well as you know me?"

"Darling, darling," Carmilla laughed airily at her hostess. "As I have promised you many times before, there shall indeed come a day in which you shall know all, but you shan't know a single thing a single second too early!"

"But why, Carmilla? Why?" Laura demanded. She was usually not half so bold, but the moon seemed to have given her passion and courage, increasing her fervor. She wanted to know Carmilla fully. She wanted to love Carmilla fully. But how could that be if she was kept in the dark?

Their relationship felt woefully unequal in Laura's eyes. While Carmilla seemed to know everything about her, she knew nothing about Carmilla. The thought shamed her. It embarrassed her. And it did not feel fair for either of them. Laura considered it unfair that she be left in the dark while Carmilla got to know everything about her. Likewise, she considered it unfair that Carmilla bear the brunt of their relationship while Laura was left with nothing but the most superficial of information. Did she not deserve to know the truth? Was Carmilla really so cruel and distrustful that, even now, months later, she still did not consider Laura a worthy confidante? Carmilla verbally disavowed such a claim, but her actions spoke otherwise, and Laura did not know which to believe.

"How am I to consider myself your friend if I should know nothing about you? You are still almost a stranger to me, although you profess to love me deeply. How can that be? Will you not allow me to know and love you in return? Do you really hate me so intensely?"

"Darling, darling," Carmilla repeated, sounding amused. "You know I adore you." But that was all she would say on the matter.

A while later, the two found themselves sitting on a stony bench, near the edge of the estate. A path ran by, used by servants to come and go across the grounds. But because it was so late at night, the road was empty now. But Carmilla and Laura had eyes only for each other, each girl considering the other a far more interesting and pleasurable sight than the forest that lay just beyond the garden gate.

"I suppose I can tell you one thing that I possess here that I never had back home," Carmilla finally said.

"You will?" Laura's eyes widened and she leaned closer to Carmilla, hardly daring to even breathe, lest one simple exhale change Carmilla's mind.

"Yes," Carmilla took Laura's hand in her own and held it tight, dark eyes sparkling with passion. It was so deep and intense it as was if only the silence and serenity of the night were keeping it from coming out in an unchecked torrent. Then she gave Laura her long-awaited reply: Life.

"In the land from which I hail, in the land of the west, we lived in a cold, empty castle. It was a mighty fortress, yes, but I loathed the place all the same. It was always far too sad and lonely. Servants and subjects bustled in and out, but it all felt the same to me, tasteless and changeless. There was no life within that castle. None at all. Not so much as one single beating heart. No fresh or flowing blood, no rosy cheeks, no sparkling eyes, no colorful complexion. No life. None at all..." Carmilla's face was unreadable, but Laura could sense that her mood had changed.

"The darkness was amicable enough for a while, almost pleasurable and peaceful, an escape from the vitality and vigor and violence of life. But after a spell, it became desperately hollow and boring. It filled me with a loathsome restlessness and apathy. I longed for life again. But there seemed to be no end to how droll everything had become. At least not withing those darkened halls..." Carmilla gave another mysterious look, but this time, Laura could not read it. What was Carmilla attempting to convey? Amusement? Anger? Bitterness? Resentment? Fear? Desire?

Laura wanted to know, but she did not dare ask, lest she make some remark that caused Carmilla to close off from her once again. Laura did not think she would be able to tolerate it if Carmilla tried to withdraw again. Not after the forbidden fruit was finally being given to her, after having dangled tantalizingly in front of her for so very long. The fruit was in her grasp, she would not be so foolish as to throw it away, or reveal her presence, in case the God of the garden caught her and struck her down for indulging in this forbidden knowledge.

Laura waited for Carmilla to continue. To finally hear the girl disclose to her, even if it was only a morsel, felt like a feast. It filled the burning desire within her chest, and soothed her aching restlessness. She glowed with delight that Carmilla should finally consider her worthy of her trust. It filled her with pride, and even more desire. It filled her with life.

"But then I came to you," Carmilla continued. "Fate brought the two us together to be as one. In you, my life has been returned. And in you, I have found that which I so desperately dreamed of, that which my own home could never supply. In you, my dearest companion, is Life. There was nothing quite so nice in my home. It was the one luxury we could not afford. The one thing I longed to indulge in..."

"Well, now you can," Laura promised, finally squeezing Carmilla's hand in return. "Every day, in this place, in my home, you may have as much life as you wish. I promise!" A new fervor that usually only sparkled in Carmilla's eyes began to shine in Laura's. Now, at long last, she was finally able to offer something back to her mysterious friend.

"I shall," Carmilla agreed passionately. "Here, I know I will be full. I know I will be content. I know I will be satisfied. Here, I know I may indulge in life. Especially yours. Your life is the one I want the most. It is the one I value the most..." There was something about the way Carmilla said this that made it seem as though there was more to it than met the eye, but Laura was blind now, blinded by love and passion, and she agreed wholeheartedly to all of it.

"Yes, Carmilla, yes," she murmured. "My life is your life, have it, take it! For I do not want it, unless you are there to share it."

Carmilla gave the girl an unreadable smile, as though truly contemplating her reckless but well-meant offer, then she nodded.

"Very well," she said. "We shall share. My life will be your life, and your life will be my life."

"Very good," Laura's own smile was much more readable. She was delighted that Carmilla finally seemed to accept her as an equal. She finally had something Carmilla wanted, and she could finally provide it. After so long spent in a one-side relationship, it was finally balancing out.

Laura could feel blood reddening her cheeks as she continued to contemplate her guest. Carmilla's eyes were locked on her, but they darted all over her body. While Laura could only stare at Carmilla's face, breathless, Carmilla's eyes roved every little last inch of Laura's.

This was her new body now, this girl belonged to her. This was her new life. Laura was her new life. And for the first time in what felt like forever, Carmilla felt truly alive again as well. She had her life back, and it was all thanks to Laura.

Now, sitting under the cover of moon and stars, two lives were beginning anew, intertwined forever, even unto the grave and beyond. It was life, endless and unbounded. It was life eternal. And most importantly, it was theirs.