Irhaboggle Pride (2019) Spectrum

Indigo

Nia Nal stared at her costume, running hands through the material, studying every little last inch and detail. This was a coping mechanism of hers. Whenever things got too hard, there was something soothing about getting to just enjoy her costume. Not only was it a lovely outfit, but it reminded her that no matter how scared she felt, she was a superhero. She had the costume to prove it! Even cooler, it was made of the same material that Supergirl's costume was made of. The only difference was in appearance. Nia's outfit was varying shades of blue and silver. It was stylish, definitely a good fit for someone named "Dreamer".

As Nia continued to study and feel her costume, trying to get her mind off of all of the strife in the world, she found herself staring most intently at the indigo stripes on the side of the costume. Indigo. It was such a beautiful, powerful, mysterious color. And it was quickly becoming a favorite of hers. She liked how deep it could look, haunting and hypnotic. It was more than just a shade of blue, it was a color entirely its own! It was indigo! And not only did it seem to fit Nia's physical aesthetic, but she felt as if it fit her emotional, internal one as well.

Although indigo was its own official color, most people just considered it blue. But seldom did anyone ever actually call it indigo. Because of that, to Nia, it always felt like a... forgotten color. An "invisible" color. It was the color that walked the line between blue and purple, stuck in a limbo right between two much more common colors. How apt that was for someone like her, an alien-human hybrid and a transwoman. Nia knew all too well what it felt like to be forgotten, ignored, misjudged and mislabeled. She knew what it felt like to be on the outside looking in.

Just like indigo, Nia didn't really belong anywhere. Too purple to be blue, too blue to be purple. Too human to be alien, too alien to be human. And even though Nia was confident in her identity as a transwoman, she couldn't deny that there were still times when she felt stuck in the middle of the road regarding that issue. She was a woman, yes, but some people still didn't consider her a full woman because she had not been born one. But nobody would look at her and assume male.

To face this level of isolation and uncertainty often left Nia feeling very meek and alone. She was strong and brave, yes, but she was not invulnerable. To feel as if she belonged to no world in particular? There was freedom in it, yes, but there was also a sense of confusion and loss. She had no place to call her own. In fact, not too long ago, Nia had visited her sister. Even though it went alright for a little while, her sister finally confessed jealousy that Nia was the Dreamer. In that spat, Nia's sister admitted that she considered the Dreamer title something that should've been her birthright because she had been born a woman, but Nia had not.

The words cut Nia deep, and she'd left in tears. Her own sister, whom she had loved, had looked her in the eyes and said she didn't consider Nia a real woman, and maybe never would. No matter what Nia did, she would never be able to change the fact that she had been born male, and that was a piece of her legacy that would follow her around forever. Just like indigo, stuck between blue and purple, belonging to neither, Nia felt just as lost, stuck, alone and confused.

But that was why she took so much comfort in being Dreamer. Her costume was beautiful, made to fit a woman. And the powers of Dreamer had been passed onto her. Even if her sister didn't like it, that was proof that whatever caused the Dreamer power had already known, even before Nia did, that she was meant to be a woman. Gaining that power had been the most validating moment in Nia's life. Knowing that the universe itself considered her a real woman was the ultimate reassurance.

Likewise, even though Dreamer was named for her sleep and dream-based powers, Nia liked to look at it from a different light. More than just on a literal level, Dreamer symbolized all dreams. She was the woman unafraid to dream, and unafraid to chase those dreams. She was a lady of courage, ambition, drive, hope, endurance and intelligence. Dreamer was a symbol to everyone that one of the most important things in life was to keep dreaming and never give up. She was the hero who dreamt of a better world, and then did her best to make that dream come true.

How could Nia not feel proud to be Dreamer? Even if stuck her in the uncomfortable middle between human and alien, it brought her so much more than just a few prophetic dreams. All of her identities were interconnected through Dreamer. All of her intersecting traits were wrapped up in that one perfect mix of a color: indigo. Everything felt in a perfect balance and harmony. She was a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, a traveler between two worlds, a master of both. Between sleeping and waking, dreaming and reality, she was the one who could bring it all together and make it really shine. She was the Dreamer, indigo and all.

As Nia continued to caress her costume, lost in the enchanting indigo, she began to feel hopeful and happy. She was not a freak, outcast or mistake. She did belong! She was just a little different, and sometimes misunderstood, but differences could be beautiful! And misunderstanding could lead to new enlightenment! And as long as that hope would remain with her, she would never doubt or fear or hate who she was. Yes, perhaps there would be times when she cursed her fate and found things too dark and scary, but like the color indigo, that darkness was not bad. She would make it through, she was certain of it!

She would continue to carry the hope that, one day, all of these conflicting identities would finally be able to make peace, and live in harmony. One day, humans would no longer fear aliens (and vice versa). One day, transgender people would no longer be told that a piece of their past would forever stain their present and future. One day, Dreamer would rise alongside other great heroes like Superman and Supergirl, and she would go down in history someone equally strong and brave. She would accomplish everything she ever dreamed she would! Yes, they were big and ambitious dreams, but they didn't call her "Dreamer" for nothing!

AN: I really do love Nia's character, and her costume and powers are pretty cool too. Hope this wasn't too irritatingly poetic, but when you're writing about just a color, it does come off as a bit prosey at times, LOL. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed!