Stupid Dreamers

Chapter 16: New York City

Chapter 16: New York City

The ice cubes floating in the small plastic cup of soda was mocking me.  You see, the ice cubes in this flavored beverage could simply melt when things got too heated for them.  Then again, ice cubes don’t have to deal with the stress I go through.  They can just melt into water and freeze again and again to be served in another different and exotic drink.

Right now, I wish that I was an ice cube so I could just melt away from the world, my problems, and my shitty life.  But I couldn’t, because I was stuck on this planet to deal with them.  Knowing me, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be able to cope.  I’d end up handling them with nothing but a bloody razor and my wrists.

I twisted the skinny straw between my index finger and my thumb, stirring it around in the diet coke that sat in the cup that settled on my tray table.  The seat I sat on in the airplane was surprisingly comfortable, but I didn’t feel like I could sleep on here any time soon.  All the people around me in first class were either sleeping or typing quickly on their laptops, rushing to get the work that I couldn’t understand done.  Carter, Powell, and Parker were all fast asleep in the row across from me. So for a little while longer, I had some actual time to myself.  I should really sleep, since I won’t be getting much soon, but I couldn’t.  There were too many things racing around in my mind for me to do so.

All I could really picture in my head was Rick and that girl sitting on our bed about to have sex. They were going to have sex on the place where Rick and I made love almost every week, right in front of me. And the worst part was that he didn’t even care.  I knew he wouldn’t, so why was I so surprised to find him cheating on me? Apparently I was too blind and caught up in my own life that I didn’t even notice. I didn’t notice Rick change. The Rick I fell in love with would never cheat on me. The Rick I saw on that bed with that girl was not the Rick I fell in love with.

I should’ve known.  I should’ve known that something was going on with Rick when we stopped having sex and told each other that we loved each other or actually ate dinner together and cuddled when watching movies like we always did every Friday night or drove our Jeeps through the streets of LA.  How could I be so blind? Why didn’t I notice how all of that stuff just stopped? I should’ve just broken up with him earlier so I could drag myself away from him and the agonizing thought that he was just about to have sex with another girl that wasn’t me.  I’m such an idiot.  I’m a stupid little girl who can barely focus on anything other than her life right now. 

If only I could just have a break from it all.  No memorizing any lines, no premieres, no drama, no hate or paparazzi or any of that shit that we celebrities are forced to deal with.  Then again, if I wanted all of that, I’d just have to cut a little deeper.

I fought the urge to roll up the sleeves on my sweatshirt.  I was boiling hot right now with it on, and the small fan blowing air above me wasn’t helping.  I couldn’t take my sweatshirt off because I was in public and if anyone were to see the scars marking my arms, let’s just say that that situation would not turn out well.  Parker would keep me covered though, like he always does.

A few minutes later, I decided to call over a flight attendant and ask for a glass of ice water. She graciously nods and smiles at me.

“I will be right back with that. Are you hot? It might help to take your sweatshirt off,” She suggests. She didn’t say it in a harsh manner, just as a friendly suggestion.  Before I have to think of a response, she has already walked away to retrieve my drink. I wrap my fingers around the glass of diet coke and drink it, trying not to focus on the gross flavor of watered down soda. The flight attendant didn’t even notice my earlier drink, but only that I was wearing a sweatshirt.