Stupid Dreamers

Chapter 5: Bye for Now

Chapter 5: Bye for Now

“I’m going to miss you a lot babe,” Rick says. I turn to him, pulling the covers tighter against my bare chest.

“I know,” I say with a smirk. He turns to look at me.

“What all am I supposed to do without you?”

“Umm…work?” I laugh. “And you’ve got Ridley to keep you company,”

“Oh Ridley,” He sighs. “What would I ever do without our 15-year old maine coon?”

“Hey, don’t hate on Ridley. He needs some more love and attention now. Since I’ll be gone you need to pay special attention to him,”

“Okay…like I should put parsley on top of his cat food when I feed him at 5 in the morning?”

“Could you?” He laughs, closing his eyes. “He’ll be fine Erin,”

“I know,” I respond. But I would worry about both of them.  Rick isn’t as fond as Ridley as much as I am, and I’m scared that he’ll get loose or something bad will happen to him.  I had different worries about Rick though.

“Hey,” He says. I turn to look at him again.

“Hmm?”

“You were incredible tonight,” He whispers, leaning closer and kissing me on the nose. I feel the heat instantly rise to my cheeks. Whenever I went away on trips like this, we always did this. I’m glad we did, because I’d go a week without it and so did Rick. And trust me, he gets pretty antsy when I’m away for a long time.

“You too,” I reply, moving closer to him and snuggling deeper into his chest.

“Don’t get too touchy in London babe,” I can hear him smile when he says that.

“Rick, you know me too well that none of that will be happening. I’m going to go and suck it up on this entire trip,”

“Babe, don’t you remember what I told you?” I flip over on my stomach to look at him.

“No?” He sighs.

“I want you to have a good time, regardless how shitty it might seem to you. You need a break, and this should be a fun experience. Just imagine all the women who would love to be in your place,” I scoff.

“You mean as one of the most hated actresses in the world? Because I’m tired of that position,”

“No, as an amazing actress and wonderful woman who gets to go to this awesome movie premiere. Millions of people loved this movie, so just try and enjoy it all.” I sigh.

“Alright, I’ll try,” I give him a reassuring smile.

“Good, now let’s get some sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow,” I groan, lying my head back on his chest as he brings his hand up to pull me closer to him.

“Enjoy it while it lasts babe,” He whispers, the last thing I hear him say before I fall asleep with my head still lying on his chest.

*************************

I sit up in bed, debating whether or not to wake Rick up.  It was about 4 in the morning and I haven’t done anything to get ready yet.  I laid out my travel clothes of skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, converse, and one of my old sweatshirts on my dresser. My bags were under them, which was my duffel and two suitcases.  Powell and Parker already had my premiere and other outfits for any other unplanned events. So technically, I’m ready to go.

To me and probably other girls feeling this way, the worse thing about traveling is that you can’t cut.  You feel the urge, triggered in some way, but you have no choice but to tough it out and try not to think about it. You can’t sit in the airport bathroom, cut, and then blame your cat. Because of this day and what I felt like, I could do it before I take off. That would settle my nerves for the rest of this dreaded day.

I quickly change into my outfit and brush my hair out, then apply a small bit of makeup. If I was caught somewhere in public without makeup, it wouldn’t be a pretty picture.  Even with the makeup, when I look in the mirror, I didn’t feel like I should be doing this.  I shouldn’t be going to a movie premiere. I wasn’t worthy enough to be famous.

And that’s exactly what I felt like every day. I tip-toe into the bathroom and pull out one of my razors from the cabinet under the sink. One cut, one cut will make it all okay. I quickly drag it across my wrist next to a fading scar and watch as a deep-red color starts to smear over my wrist. The pain was already fading into a new feeling of relief and calm. Pain felt good. Pain made me feel okay in this world.

I rinse water over the cut and put another bandage over it, then walk out of the bathroom and face the bed.  Rick was sleeping like a rock, he never even moved when I turned the light to our bathroom on. I found that quite odd that he hasn’t woken up yet.

I double-check all my bags one last time before I grab my purse and bring them all downstairs. I spot Ridley down by the stairs, looking up at me with his bright green eyes.

“Meow,” He exclaims, obviously wanting breakfast. I put my finger in front of my mouth.

“Ridley, shhhh. It’s four in the freaking morning,” He looks down. Oh God I’m talking to my cat again.

I put my bags near the door and walk over to the kitchen where Ridley is waiting patiently on the counter next to his food dish. I dish up his food and set it down in front of him. Little Ridley, not so little anymore, always had the nerve to eat more food.

After I let Ridley eat his breakfast, I send Powell a quick text saying that I’m ready. I put my phone back in my purse and let out a sigh.  Rick never even had the will to get up this morning and say goodbye. That’s it, I’m going to go and try to wake him up.

I jog upstairs and glance in my bedroom, watching Rick turn to his side. I walk over to him, lying down on my side of the bed and placing my hand on his cheek.

“Hey,” I whisper. He mutters something inaudible.

“Rick,” I say a little louder. He opens his eyes slowly.

“Hey Erin,” he greets me back with a small smile, closing his eyes again.

“I’ve gotta go in a bit, are you coming with to say goodbye or should we just do it here?”

“Okay,” He mutters. I roll my eyes at him.

“Rick,” I say firmly. He opens his eyes again, not saying anything.  

“I love you, okay? I don’t want that to change when I’m gone. I’ll miss you,” I admit.  I plant a small kiss on his lips, which he starts to deepen after a few seconds. I pull back, trying to remember the taste of his lips on mine and how they felt. They were rough and sweet, just the way I liked it.

“I love you babe,” he mutters, pulling the covers up.

“I love you too,” I say, turning away from him and walking out of the room.

Typical Rick.  He used to be never like this. He would actually get up and come with me to the airport, no matter how late or early it was.  He always wanted to give me the proper goodbye, even if we were bombarded with fans or paparazzi. Now he barely gave the effort to actually say goodbye. Oh wait, he didn’t even say it. Not an ‘I’ll miss you’ or ‘Be safe’. Just an ‘okay’. And I don’t think I can get through this trip with just an ‘okay’.   

A.N.: Tisk tisk tisk Rick....Hope you enjoyed the update! I have exciting plans for the upcoming chapters, so may the odds be ever in your favor! -CookieKrumm