March - Falsettos Oneshots

Pick Up Lines

A/N: So Marvin wanted some cute Whizzvin stuff as a request today. I had a couple ideas but she chose cuteness so I wrote cringe and fluff instead. Plus flustered Whizzer is always fun. This is in my dead gay dads AU thingy too. I asked a group of my friends for suggestions, so all of these pick up lines came from the wonderful humans that I know (except for one which references GTLive, which said friends do like). So, yeah, hope you like this. I wrote it in the past 30 ish minutes instead of studying yet again. I have to go to school in like an hour though for a symposium thingy (until 9 PM, what the heck?) so I have little time anyways lol. ~ Whizzer (Cassie)

"Have you been covered in bees recently?" I hear Marvin ask me. I turn to him, shocked.

"Marvin, you know bees can't touch-"

"Because you look sweeter than honey," he finishes with a smile. I roll my eyes. He's been trying out a variety of pick up lines in the past week. Though it's cute, it's also awfully annoying, as he refuses to stop, no matter how many times I try to dissuade him from continuing.

"You know who else would love that sweetness?"

"You?" I say hopefully, smiling genuinely this time. He pauses for a bit, most likely for dramatic effect, before winking.

"Bears."

"Damn it, Marvin!" He laughs and rushes off, leaving me in the room. He can't go far though, so I will inevitably be subjected to more of this... extremely cheesy behaviour. I don't really hate it, but I also really don't like it. Oh well. He'll get sick of it eventually.

~

I was wrong. So very wrong. I don't think he'll ever be sick of it. We lie on the couch, cuddled together. Since neither of us has a physical form, we don't have a room or anything. But it's still nice sleeping, despite not needing it. I start to nod off but feel Marvin poke my side.

"Fat penguin," he says excitedly. I groan.

"Marvin, I love you, but what the fuck?"

"Oh, come on, Whizzer. At least try to enjoy it. Jason told me that was a good one!"

"And did you understand it? Cause that makes absolutely zero sense as a pick up line."

"Well, no, but-"

"Exactly," I huff, shutting my eyes and attempting to sleep once more.

"How much does a polar bear weigh?" he says, only seconds later.

"No."

"Enough to break the ice!"

"I will punch you."

"...Fair enough."

~

"Hey, Whiz. I'm writing down important dates," Marvin says, looking up at me. There's no pencil or paper around. And he can't even touch them. Well, not unless he tries really hard, but I doubt he'd need to write anything down regardless.

"Seriously, Marv? Why in the world would you need to write down dates for anything? Not only is that completely unnecessary, but it is extremely difficult to do so," I reply, confused.

"Want to be one of them?"

"What? Oh, you've got to be kidding me."

"Want to go out with me?"

"We've been together for like five years."

"So?"

"I can't believe you," I say, placing my head in my hands.

~

"Whizzer."

"What now?"

"The derivative of my love for you is zero because my love for you is constant." I say nothing, electing to stare off into space instead. "It was a math joke."

"No, I got that."

"You must be an asymptote because I just find myself getting closer and closer to you," he says leaning in. I think he's going in for a kiss, but he stops just short, appearing to be thinking for a second.

"Really?" I ask with a chuckle.

"Wait, uh, how about this one: What do math and my dick have in common? They're both hard for you," he says with a smirk. This time I actually screech, my face turning bright red. "Oh, so you do like the math ones? I have more."

"God, no. Stop!" I whine, attempting to hide my blushing face in my hands. He ruthlessly continues, not even letting me breathe after all my panicking. I can't handle Marvin's flirting. It's just so bad, yet it flusters me all the same.

"If four plus four equals eight, then me plus you equals fate." Okay, that one wasn't so bad, maybe he's back to regular bad pick up lines. I'm much better with those. "No? Hmm... I'm good at math. Let's add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and -"

"NO! HOLY SHIT, MARVIN!" I squeal, running as far away as I possibly can. I should not be aroused right now, but my body, or whatever this is, hates me. I hide in the bathroom, hoping that he will leave me alone. He doesn't. Of course he doesn't. What should I have expected?

~

I open my eyes, yawning. It takes me a few moments to realize what had happened, but sure enough, both Marvin and I are completely naked and cuddled up. Thank goodness the entire family is gone today. Though Mendel and Trina can't see us, we do not need Jason to see us in the nude. He would have been even more scarred. The worst part is, we're still in the bathroom. Marvin wakes up shortly after me.

"Good thing we did this early. Jason's still at school," he says, stroking my hair as I lay across his stomach contently. "But if I had known that my shitty pick up lines would get me in your pants..."

"No. Never again. This was a one time deal. No more pick up lines. Just ask me next time, okay? Don't fluster me like that. It's way too uncomfortable," I reply, pouting a bit. He kisses me softly before staring at me with a maniacal grin. No. He's not-is he?

"Are you religious? Cause you're the answer to all my prayers." For some reason, my stupid brain thinks that an adequate response to that is to turn my head and bite his hand. Don't ask me why. It's beyond me.

"Um," I say awkwardly. "That was, uh-"

"You must be a campfire," he says blankly.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bite you-"

"Cause you're super hot, and I want s'more!" At my glare, his expression softens. "Okay, okay... You must be exhausted." I sigh, relaxed. I kiss his chest, nodding.

"Yeah. I kinda want to sleep, but we should also get dressed before Jason finds us like this," I reply. I move off of him and put clothes on calmly. Honestly, I have no clue how we have clothes and such that can just be put on and taken off as ghosts, but I don't really care at this moment. Marvin does nothing for a bit, staring at me.

"Uh, Marv? You okay?"

"You've been running through my head all day."

"Wha-" I realize what's going on and throw my hands up in anguish. "What the hell?"

Needless to say, someone isn't getting cuddles tonight.

A/N (part 2): My friend who knows nothing about Falsettos is reading this and um... yeah. All he knows is that they're ghosts and they're a couple. I hope he has fun reading it lmao.