March - Falsettos Oneshots

Growing Up

A/N: Pretty much everything except for the homophobic thing are based on my past experiences with my mother. And there is a lot I left out too. Like how I was self harming (in an extreme way) and incredibly suicidal for a while because of her. And she threatened to put me into a mental hospital rather than just talking to me. AND she tried to guilt trip me out of depression. I may make a part 2 for this in which I write about that, but for now, here's this. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks to Teresa for becoming the sibling (but it's not Teresa cause she doesn't have an h in her name). And yeah, here we go!

At the age of six, I realized that the world wasn't all that I thought it was. People that I thought were good turned their backs on me and hurt me, though I was too naive to do anything about it. Worst of all, my own family turned their backs on me, even though I didn't realize it at first.

I sat in the car in silence as my mom drove me home from school. It was only the second week, but I could already tell that she was unhappy with how I was doing. I held my backpack to my chest, trying my hardest not to cry at the notion that I had already failed the one person I look up to. As we pulled into the driveway, I began sniffling, unable to prevent myself from crying. I moved to open the door, but my mother refused to unlock it, turning to face me. She stared at me, stolid to such an extent that it was incredibly unnerving.

"Whizzer, move the bag away from your face and look me in the eyes. If you're crying, you're going to be in big trouble," she said, frowning. I didn't want to listen to her, so I buried myself even further into my bag. "Whizzer, look at me. Now." She suddenly reached over and yanked the bag away from me, startling me and making me cry harder.

"M-Mom, I-"

"Don't 'Mom' me. Go inside and go to your room. If you're still crying by the time I get up there, you're grounded. No racquetball practice for a week. Now go," she said, turning away from me and unlocking the door.

As quickly as I could, I rushed into my room, attempting to steady my breathing. Unfortunately, my mom spotted my sobbing as she entered my room, turning and slamming the door as she left. I suddenly broke down, breathing heavily and grabbing the nearest object, which happened to be a small bird stuffed toy with a pastel rainbow design. I squeezed the bird to my chest, holding onto it like a lifeline. That was only the first time I realized that something wasn't right.

When I was nine, I had a fear of crying in front of my parents. I was dumb enough to thing that taping a tissue or a piece of paper to my face would get them to leave me alone. They actually found it hilarious. I wasn't like them. I could never handle my emotions well. At least, not at first.

Several times I had been forced to go to dinner when I was in a horrible mood after being yelled at per usual. I had spent the afternoon in my bed, slamming my fists against my legs and the walls until everything was battered and bruised. I was convinced that I deserved this, since it had always been drilled into my head that I wasn't good enough for my family. I was awoken from my determined punches when I heard my mom shout at me from downstairs.

Reluctantly, I stood up, feeling the tears stream down my cheeks. Worried that my parents would notice and not quite thinking clearly, I grabbed the nearest tissue and adhered it to my face with the power of tears (and tape). Anxiously, I made my way down the stairs, keeping my head forward but staring down as to avoid tripping. As I sat down at the table, I heard a muffled snicker from my left, most likely Theresa. Surprisingly, my parents didn't say anything. I kind of wished that they even asked if I was okay, but nothing. At least it was better than mockery. Or so I thought.

The instant I left, I heard them talking. I think that they assumed that I was completely out of earshot, which I certainly wasn't.

"Did you see him? What is he doing with a tissue on his face? Does he think that it'll actually hide anything?" Theresa said with a quiet giggle.