Hereditary Sadness

Chapter 18-Melanie

(March)

I walk into my classroom, flip on the lights, and put my purse in the desk drawer. It's still early, and I'm excited for the day's events. I sit down and look at my desk calendar that is full of dark red X's. It's been five weeks since Jamie went to stay with her dad's family, and I happily X out the latest Saturday and Sunday because we're two days closer to the six-week mark. She hasn't mentioned moving back during any of our conversations yet, but I'm hoping this next weekend she will finally come home. Six weeks is far too long to be apart.

As if she knows I'm thinking of her, my phone buzzes, and it's Jamie calling. "Hi, kiddo!" I say. I don't hear anything on the other end, and I wonder if the connection is bad. I try again. "Hello? Jamie?" There's a faint noise, and my heartbeat quickens as I realize she's whimpering into the phone. "Jamie! Honey! What's happening? Are you okay? Is Grandma okay?"

"Mo-om," she finally says, but it sounds more like a moan. "Something weird is happening to me." Her breaths sound ragged and short. "I can't...breathe right," she says. "My heart...it's beating too fast." I can hear the pure panic in her voice, and I know what this is. I remember James experiencing something similar, and I recognize the signs of an anxiety attack.

"Jamie," I say calmly, "it's going to be okay. Whatever you're worried about, Sweetie, it's going to be okay." Jamie doesn't say anything. "Listen to me!" I say with more urgency. "Take a deep breath, as deep as you can."

"I can't, Mom," she cries. I realize I'm not going to be able to help her over the phone. I stay on the line with her, but I reach for my classroom phone. I have to put my cellphone on speaker to look up Anita's number and dial it on the landline.

"Hello?" Anita's voice is music to my ears.

"Anita, it's Melanie," I say quickly. "I think Jamie is having an anxiety attack. Please tell me you are at the house with her." I can already here her moving.

"Yes, I was waiting for her to come downstairs to take her to school." There's a pause. Then I hear some banging, and Anita says, "Jamie, it's Grandma. Let me in!"

"Jamie, open the door for Grandma!" I say into my cellphone. I'm holding my breath and hoping Jamie is able to get to the door.

"Melanie?" Anita says. "I got her. She's right here, and she's okay."

"Oh my god, Anita. Thank you!" I start crying, but I force myself to hold it together. "Do you know what to do to help someone having an anxiety attack?"

"Yes, Melanie," Anita says. "Your husband was also my son, " she reminds me.

"Yes, of course. Listen, tell Jamie I'm hanging up my cellphone now. Thank you, again, Anita." I hang up the cellphone, but I stay on the phone with Anita a little longer. I can hear her softly talking to Jamie and helping her with her relaxation breathing. I can't hear Jamie whimpering or wheezing. I finally take a deep breath myself.

"Melanie," Anita eventually says, "I think it's passed. She's breathing normally again." I hear her tell Jamie she'll be right back. I wish I was there to hold my daughter, but I know Anita is doing an amazing job with her. "I'm in the other room now," Anita tells me.

"Is this the first time she's had an attack over there?" I ask her.

"Yes," Anita says. "As far as I know."

"Yeah, I've never experienced that with her before. It was like an unwanted flashback to..." I stop because I'm sure Anita feels the same way.