Hereditary Sadness

Chapter 13-Jamie

January 

Mom and I had an amazing time at the cabin, and I'm bummed I have to go back to school. The cabin was so relaxing and quiet. We played games, took long walks, and talked a lot about Dad. I didn't tell her about the stuff with Kimmy because I didn't want to ruin our time, and I was worried Mom would make a big deal out of it. I mean, it is a big deal, but I've just decided to try and talk to Kimmy about it. I admit, Miles is cute and everything, but no boy is worth the harassment I've been getting! Even if he is a great trumpet player.

Mom and I pull up to school, and she looks at me after she turns the Jeep off. "You ready?" She asks me.

"I guess so," I tell her honestly. I take my time getting out of the car and slowly walk to English class. It always feels so weird to be back after a break. I glance around the school, and everything seems to be the same, even though it feels like I'm looking from the outside in. Over the break, I tried not to think about school as much as possible, but there's a heaviness that settles inside of me now that I'm back.

I spend the day trying to avoid Kimmy but also trying to work up the courage to talk to her. She ignores me in English, except when I have to answer Miss Pickett's question about what we did over the break, and I say I hung out with my mom. Kimmy laughs out loud and tells everyone in the class I am a baby who still needs my mommy. Then in band class, her and Miles walk into the room holding hands. I admit it stings a little seeing them together, but I also hope that will help stop her teasing. I can't help but wonder if he kissed her, too.

I decide not to confront her and to just keep clear of her instead. If her and Miles are boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever, then maybe Kimmy will finally leave me alone. Miles tries to talk to me during class, but I refuse to acknowledge him. The only thing he's doing by dating Kimmy is just proving what an idiot he really is.

After school, Jasmine comes and finds me. "Walk me to my bus, girl," she insists. "I didn't get to see you over break at all, and I miss my best friend!" Technically, I'm not allowed at the bus loop. I'm considered a walker because my mom drives me, but I know the teachers on bus duty won't say anything to me. Sometimes there are benefits to having your mom as a teacher. As we walk outside, I tell Jasmine about Kimmy and Miles.

"What?" She says. She stops walking and looks at me. "Isn't Kimmy, like, super racist?"

"Just because a white person dates someone of color, doesn't make them not racist!" I attempt to explain to my best friend. She looks confused, so I try again. "Look, I don't think Kimmy cares about my ethnic background. I mean, she doesn't hate black people. "

"Well, I would hope not if she's dating Miles," Jasmine says.

"Right," I say, "but she does use her whiteness to put me down and tell me I'm less than her because I'm considered 'other.'" I look at Jasmine. "Does that make more sense?"

"So she's not racist because she hates you but because she uses your race as an insult?" Well, that's close enough. "I hate that this even still exists in our society," Jasmine says. It's a rare moment when Jasmine is being serious, and I don't even notice that we practically walk right into Kimmy and her best friend, Rachel.

"Watch where you're going," Kimmy says loudly. Several nearby students turn around.

"Maybe you should get out of our way, Kimmy," Jasmine says even louder.

"C'mon, Kimmy," Rachel says and tries to pull Kimmy toward the buses.

"Let go of me!" Kimmy rips free of Rachel's grasp and falls to the ground. Now, I know I shouldn't laugh, but watching Kimmy fall on her butt seems like such sweet justice to me that I can't help it. Jasmine laughs, too, and pretty soon everyone around us who saw Kimmy fall is pointing and laughing at her.