Touchdown | E.D. + E.C.

13: "Want A Little Coffee With That Ice?"

Emma's POV

I thought I knew what heartbreak felt like. 

I thought when Healani had upped and deserted me out of nowhere, like a thief in a night, that my heart had been broken.

But, looking back, that was heartache. My heart ached and desired for some type of affection from the boy I thought I had been in love with.

Now? My heart was shattered. Crushed to pieces by the one person who had ever held it. The one guy I truly love. Or loved. I didn't know now. Because all I could feel was the emptiness of heartbreak and all I could see was a veil of tears which distorted the world before me; a reminder of how little we truly saw of such a terrible world.

Soon, I found small relief in the cool night air and I hungrily drank it in. How had I gotten outside? It didn't matter though, I just had to be out of that room. The cold, hard tiles surrounded by bleak white walls, the entire atmosphere was vacant of anything inviting. And then there was the bed. The bed that held a girl I knew little of, and her even less of me, but who had somehow managed to rip away the one good thing I had found.

No, scratch that. I couldn't blame the girl who had been lying in a hospital bed for nearly a year. It was his fault. 

How could he not have mentioned it? Especially when it was clear we were becoming so close and maybe even... more? I doubt it had just slipped his mind. 

Even a, "Hey! My old girlfriend is actually in a coma, so if she ever wakes up, we may have to explain." 

It seemed like I was the only person shocked by this news. I was the only one railroaded emotionally because my pretend boyfriend who I kinda had feelings for kept a secret about his old girlfriend. I graveled as I wondered around in the parking lot, before remembering I hadn't even driven myself there. 

And then I looked at my reflection in the window of a car. Who was I? This girl wasn't me. I need to go back to the girl who had the self confidence to not be like her peers; the girl who had the passion to get what she wanted on her own. Sure, it was great to have someone who loved and cared for you, but happiness was something I needed to produce for myself. 

Having Ethan- someone- there just sweetened the deal in the end. 

Before I knew it, I found myself at my front door. I couldn't quite recall how I got there or how long it had taken me. The stars still shone above so it could have been nine o'clock or it could have been three a.m. The solid oak door had loomed in front of me when I arrived, but it was nothing compared to the empty sheet of paper I found on my desk when I made my way to my room. 

For the first time in my life, I had nothing to write. No words to convey. No words to convince. No words.

I had experienced mental blocks throughout my career as a writer, but never to this extent. How could I tell another person's story, their beginnings, their struggles, their triumphs, if I didn't even know my own? 

My pen felt like a million pounds in my hand and no matter how hard I thought, I couldn't find a single word I could write that held any meaning. Groaning, I gave up before pushing myself off the chair  and heading to my bathroom. 

After what felt like ages of self-care, I finally stopped to look at myself in the mirror. A strange sense came over me. A sense of myself. For the first time in hours I wasn't reminded of Ethan at every turn, wasn't smile at a joke he'd crack off of on of my habits.

"Hey, want a little coffee with that ice?" Damn.

A memory of a flash of white teeth has he grinned while I hit him playfully and whined. "You know I hate hot coffee! Iced is just superior, and I always go full out."

He smirked as his hands slid around my waist before he leaned into my ear, "Don't I know it."

How could a memory still give me goosebumps? How could it bring so much joy yet still send a flood of sadness throughout me? 

I felt stuck. I needed to find myself. But I needed to do it with Ethan by my side. And now he wasn't mine to have by my side.

It didn't matter if this girl had been in a coma, she had loved Ethan until she been thrust into that condition and it wasn't fair to rip that away from her because of an accident. They had history and I couldn't compete with that. I would never purposefully put myself to people like that; I had never been and never would be that girl. 

No matter how hard it hurt my heart. Layla deserved a chance with him, deserved to feel his ever present love... I shook my head to clear my wandering thoughts.

I had made up my mind. I could be the strong person I knew I was and let Layla have her chance with Ethan, because how hard would it be to friends with someone you've just caught deep feelings for?

The Nespresso machine whizzed as the espresso shot poured over the ice cubes and I couldn't help but smile as I looked at my cup full of ice. I wasn't necessarily mad at Ethan, just disappointed in his lack of trust in me. Did he think that if he told me about Layla I would have run for the hills? Or called him a cheater? 

Why did he not see me as someone to share his secrets with? After all the personal stories we'd whisper to each other in the dark, as he traced my hand with his fingers, I wondered how many of them had actually been secrets. How many of them were actually something only I knew of. 

My train of thought was once again derailed as I noticed the tear drops on the countertop. Wiping my eyes, I finally made my way to bed, my circling with all the conclusions I'd come to that night. The darkness was a silent cloak of escape from the worries of an unforgiving world.

My eyelids had drawn heavy before the darkness was interrupted; my phone buzzed softly on the nightstand as it lit up. 

I scrunched my eyebrows as I checked the message.

4:16am

ethan <3: i need to talk to you

4:22am

me: later

4:23am

ethan <3: okay. i love u

shit...

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well hello there

sorry this is kinda late, double majoring is gruesome :)))

it's been a while and it was great to get back to writing but it might be a little rough so please forgive any errors. 

hope you enjoy, see you soon

x G