In love with my teacher//Raulson

Chapter 12

(Lily's P.O.V)

I avoided eye contact at all costs and didn't raise my hand once. Chemistry was something I was always good at, while others around me seemed to despise it.

When reviewing the lesson, not a hand was raised, instead, looks of confusion.

After a few moments of silence, a kid I had only talked to once or twice raised his hand. "...I didn't really get...any of it," He said with hesitation.

The whole class agreed and conversation began to spread across the classroom like a proliferating disease or a newly introduced trend.

"Settle down, settle down," said Ms. Paulson, flailing her hands.

I looked around and everyone seemed to quiet down much slower than they would've had Ms. Wendy been here.

A faint feeling of pride and superiority began to rise, the amount of confusion that spread across the room was extensive, It seemed as if I was the only one to understand the material, and boy did it feel good.

When I look back on my life and try my best to remember when it all formally went to shit, my mind inexorably goes back to birth. I smirked to myself.

But, all jokes aside, It was either 4th or 5th grade when my life began to fall apart, when my mom first got sick.

From birth I was a daddy's little girl, but my mom was my rock. She motivated me and brought me up when I was down.

My dad was never good at that type of stuff, my mom used to jokingly complain about it all the time, though sometimes I wasn't so sure if it was really a joke or not.

My mom was the type of person to first look for one's ability to sympathize and their depth of kindness and care for their fellow being. It attracted her, in a way. She loved sensitive people.

Which often made me wonder what the hell she saw in dad. When I brought it up, she always used to say he was as sweet as can be when they first met, but as it does in everyone, his amenity began to deteriorate.

It never did in her though, even when my dad acted completely foul, the passion and love burning in her eyes when she saw him never went astray.

She loved unconditionally, she never had anything negative to say, and she never complained. And when she died, all the of the positivity I had in my life died along with her.

When I went back to school everyone would stare at me as if I was a basket case. It was an odd time in my life that, for some reason, I very vividly remember. I lost the reason to love myself.

Middle school was the period in my life that I had only one friend. At that time he was my bestfriend, and I was his.

Of course I had other friends, but I only talked to them in the halls or in class, never was I anyone's first choice when it came to friendship, though I was probably the most loyal at heart.

I practically resembled my mom up until high school, when I realized being a good person ultimately led you nowhere. To this day I question why the shittier people are treated better than everyone else, I never got it.

But now, though I don't have as many friends as I did back in elementary, the two friends I have right now are the best best friends you could ask for....not really tbh...but, still, they're better than half of the people in this school, and i'm okay with that.

I stood up and turned my paper along with everyone else, trying to avoid eye contact with Sarah as best as I could, but lord knows that was impossible. Once I sat my paper down, she stared down at it intensely.