Kiwi | Harry Styles

Fifty-Three

Jessi

My feet felt lighter as I climbed the stairs to my apartment, I'd just got back from LA and it seemed like a few days away from memories of Harry, were exactly what I needed. I'd gone to a couple of yoga classes, lazed by the hotel pool and made a major decision about my future, I'd decided I needed a break from my job at Columbia. Being around the music industry was too painful. It reminded me of Harry every single second and every time I spotted somebody with long curly hair I prayed it was him but it never was. Every time I heard a love song it reminded me of what I'd lost, every sexy song made me think of him, every sad song fed my depression. As a prize for graduating top of my class, I'd won a trip with Nat Geo. I was meeting with them tomorrow to discuss where I'd be going. Columbia had been amazing about it and said my job would be waiting when I got back. For the first time in a while I was genuinely excited. I unlocked the door, closing it gently behind me. It still lacked that homely feeling it once had. I walked towards the kitchen table and put my bag down; I looked around and almost screamed as I spotted the tall body with short, dark hair sitting on the edge of my bed. I know it was crazy, but I'd properly mourned those curls when Lori had sent me a photo of his new hair cut.

"H - Harry?" My heart was still pounding from the shock.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Lori told me you were in LA." His head shot up, his eyes dark, angry and red from crying. I walked towards him, my instinct was to comfort him but the harshness in the way he spoke made me wary.

"I could ask you the same thing? this is my apartment." I slowly moved closer. "Is everything okay?"

"Like you don't fucking know!" He growled at me, and not in a sexy way, in an I want to rip your throat out way. I let out a loud gasp and froze. He hardly ever lost his temper with me.

"I swear, I don't know what's wrong but if you tell me maybe I can help?" My feet took tiny steps until I was within touching distance.

"ENOUGH WITH THE INNOCENT ACT!" He yelled, throwing his phone against the wall, it shattered into pieces and I threw my arms around him.

"Harry stop. Tell me what's wrong." I pleaded. Seeing him like this was tearing me apart.

"Don't touch me!" He lowered his voice slightly but easily pulled my arms from him and pushed me away. "You used a child to get back at me. It's sick and twisted. I - ha -" he paused unable to finish his sentence, but I knew what he was going to say, that he hated me. I had no idea what I'd done to him but now he hated me, I felt sick at the thought.

"Which child? I - I - don't understand." I stammered, my body still trying to come to terms with the words he'd left unspoken.

"You know which child." He pointed a finger in my face. "Benji, the boy you sent me to visit to punish me for sleeping with Kendall, only I didn't sleep with Kendall so you destroyed me for nothing!"

"You went to see Benji?" I smiled as I thought about how happy he'd be and I admit there was another feeling swirling at the back of my mind at the news he hadn't slept with Kendall. Although, that was none of my business. He's not mine anymore. "Hold on." I interrupted him before he could speak, "why would that destroy you?" I whispered, scared of where this conversation was heading.

"Why would that destroy me?" He repeated my question. "He was sick Jess and all because you got so jealous that I might have moved on, I saw him die! You are so fucked up!" He spat at me.

"No. No. No." Tears started to roll down my cheeks, my heart ached for Benji, for his parents, his family but it also ached for Harry, I can only imagine how hard that must have been for him.

"Stop with the crocodile tears. It won't wash!" He snapped and something inside me snapped too, anger overcame me, the idea he thought I would do something like this to him filled me with disgust and rage.