Kiwi | Harry Styles

Forty-Nine

Jessi

I sat on the bedroom floor, my fingers swirling random patterns into the carpet as Severus prowled at my feet, I think he could sense my anxiety. I should be getting ready for mine and Harry's anniversary dinner but I couldn't make myself move. I didn't want to go out - I couldn't. The media attention only seemed to get worse. The last time I was out I fainted and Matt had to carry me back inside. I heard the front door and sighed, Harry would be angry I wasn't ready. He'd been out for a lot of the day, busy planning whatever surprise he had up his sleeve, whatever he was up to it had him stressed. He'd been jittery since he woke up this morning.

"Baby, you almost ready? Reservation is in half an hour." He opened the bedroom door and looked down at me. "Jess, are you okay? Why aren't you ready?" The worried look on his face just added to the guilt I felt at what I was about to do.

"Harry, I don't think I can do this anymore." I pushed the words from my lips as quickly as I could before returning my gaze to the carpet. Severus had moved to rub himself against Harry's ankles, purring happily once he received a scratch under his chin.

"Come on baby, we talked about this remember, just smile and wave and ignore what they say." He said walking to my wardrobe.

"No Harry. They make me miserable. They are ruining my life. I can't have this as my life. I can't." I blurted out.

"Fine, we can stay in. I just have to rearrange some things, okay?" He sighed.

"Harry, you're not listening to me." I said.

"Fine. You don't want to go out, I said we can stay in. What am I not getting?" He raised his voice, and I wanted to retreat even further but there was nowhere to go. I had nowhere left to hide.

"I can't do this anymore." I confessed, raising my head to look at him, tears filing my eyes. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I finally said the words out loud but the utter devastation at losing the man I loved weighed even heavier. It felt like somebody was kneeling on my chest.

"No, no, no. You're fucking breaking up with me? You're breaking up with me NOW?" He yelled, pacing back and forwards across the room. "This isn't happening." He ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head. 

"Harry, I'm sorry." I grabbed onto his leg as he passed me, my fingers itching to feel him.

"Oh, you're sorry? Well fuck me, that makes everything alright then, doesn't it?" He shook me off as tears started to roll down my cheeks.

"Do you think I want to do this?" I sobbed.

"Well, fucking don't." He yelled before dropping to the floor. "Please, don't. I need you. My life is nothing without you." He squeezed my hands in his.

"And mine without you. I thought I could handle all this media stuff but I can't, I think it is literally destroying me Harry." His eyes suddenly came to life.

"Fine. Then I'll give it up." He smiled.

"Don't you dare. Don't even think about it. This is what you were born to do, you love it and it makes so many people, including me, happy." I chided.

"I love you more, you're all I care about. We can live in Holmes Chapel, I'll build you a photography studio and we can have a few babies and I'll stay at home with them. Please?" His green eyes were soft and so full of hope, it hurt my heart. As much as I wanted to grab onto the little fantasy he'd just painted, I knew it wouldn't be right and one way or another we'd end up back at this point. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of making him give up the job he loved.

"Harry Edward Styles if you give up your dream then I will never speak to you again." I promised. 

"There's nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?" He sounded defeated, and I shook my head, my heart breaking into a million pieces as tears rolled down his cheeks.