To Get Her

The Break up

2014, YG Studio

"Unnie, did you see the news?!" I heard Chaerin asking as soon as she entered the studio.

Though I know what's she's referring to, I pretended not to hear. The news about Jiyong and Kiko are everywhere since Dispatch revealed their dating scandal.

I knew about her and to be honest, I was not surprised at all. Jiyong often tell me that he's just helping her to break in into Korea fashion world. Every time she's in Korea...he drops everything to accompany her. When he goes to Japan..she's always with him. 

 As his secret girlfriend, I tried accepting it. I trusted him that much. 

But these past few months something changed... he changed.

His calls became lesser and lesser. He's not even responding to my messages too. The few times that we managed to talk, he talked nonstop about her. 

I tried telling myself not to worry...that I'm just being paranoid...that Jiyong will never hurt me. 

Did I just fool myself? Did he really love me?

I remember the times that I was sick and the girls would intentionally drop some hint to him but he never came to visit... not even have the time to check on me.  

It hurts but I was so scared to confront him. My insecurities were eating me and it's been affecting my work lately. 

 At the back of my head, I can feel a bomb is about to hit us, and I was right. That scandal broke the entertainment news and I was not ready for it.

"Chaerin ah, have you brought any food? I'm so hungry now." I pretended to ignore what she said.

"Unnie, did you.." she tried asking me again. Luckily Bommie intervened . God bless her soul!

"Chaerin ah, let's not talk about that now. I don't think Dara wants to hear it. Let's just help her now, arasso?" Bommie said.

"Unnie, be strong ok? Remember, you have us here" said our maknae Minzy as she hugged me from behind. I know she can see my facade.

"That jerk Kwon Jiyong! He'll hear an earful from me. Nobody bully my Unnie!" said Chaerin.

As a leader, I know she feels  I'm her responsibility and I love her for that.

"Thank you girls, your unnie is fine.  I still have you! kekekkee"

I said with a fake laugh, holding back my tears badly. I know that the girls meant well and I don't want them to feel bad for me.

"Let's get back to work , fighting!  I told them, leaving behind my worries.

***
2NE1 Dorm

Looking at the bedside clock, I looked at the time, its way past midnight and my phone keeps on ringing nonstop.  Without looking, I know it's Jiyong calling me from Japan.

10 Messages Received
30 Miscalls Kwon Jiyong

I sigh... I'm not ready to hear his voice but..

"Yoboseyo? "  ...

"It's  me... please don't hang up..." I heard him say on the other end.

"Ji, its past midnight. I was sleeping I did not hear the phone earlier.."

"Baby, don't believe what you saw on the news..trust me, ok?... I'm coming back tomorrow, lets talk please." 

"Ji, we're really busy right now especially with Bom's drug issue, I don't want the girls to be dragged in this scandal too. You should see Sajangnim first" i told him.

"Ani, we have to talk!  I'm not with her I swear! "

I can hear a loud noise from the background. I'm sure he's in a bar again somewhere.

"You're drunk, let talk when you're sober" I told him softly.

"No! Baby, listen ..."

"Ji...stop.." 

"Stop? Really? Is this what you want? Don't you even want to fight for us?!" he shouted back

I covered my mouth with my hand to stop myself from crying. I know he's hurt but I can't help but just cry. 

After the dating news came out this morning, I was called  to Sajangnim's office. I did not hear mostly what he said as my mind was blank from the pain but I remember him telling me to let go of Jiyong. I did not understand why but I just nod my head and walk off.

I'll set him free...free from me...free from the "us" that holds him back. 

All these years, I endured the hate comments of his fans about me...the prank calls...the scary things they send on my mailbox..I kept it all as a secret. I don't want him to worry about me. 

But...seeing your man being extra sweet to someone else...it's too painful to endure. 

My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces right now.

"Mian he, Jiyong ah. I'm tired... I'm tired of hiding... I'm tired of pretending. We both know we can't be together right now"

"Maybe we can still be friends after this but ...please give me some time."

"Friends? Ani! If you  love me, then choose me! We can't just be friends !! " he shouted back

"GD..let's go. Our car is here!"   

That voice again...I know it's her. I can't believe they are still hanging out  despite of the scandal. 

"Dara...jebal..." was the last thing I heard from him.

"Goodbye...Jiyong" I said after dropping his call. The pain in my heart is unbearable. 

He was my first love and now he's gone. Gone forever and won't be mine again.

I found myself weeping like a child. Is this really the end of us?