STARDUST

My Boy • IX

He called the next day, asking if he could meet me at the park for the day. It felt so awkward talking to him; he didn't have a clue what I felt like. But this was my chance to talk to him about it, so I accepted somewhat shaken. He had hesitated, as if knowing something was wrong without actually seeing me, but I had hung up during the silence.

Last night, I didn't sleep and I looked like crap today. Dark bags were under my eyes and swollen from crying. I forced Mel to go home, telling her I would call her later, a promise I intended to keep. I needed Mel, now more than ever.

Then ten minutes later, I saw him, waiting on the bench...our meeting spot. He stood up when he saw me, a frown coming across his handsome feature. I couldn't help but think that our baby would be beautiful if we had it. He skimmed his finger under my eyes, holding my face in his hands while he examined me like a specimen, "What's wrong?"

So many things...

I sniffed, darting my eyes up to his, "I-I...I had a really long night...last night." I opened my mouth to say more but I thought better of it, "We better sit down."

My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as he complied, plopping himself down and scooting over to make room for me.

How do I tell him?

We sat in silence for what seemed like a century and I could tell Kento was getting a little antsy. He finally cleared his throat and I began, praying to God silently, "Yesterday," I rubbed my chin and looked up at the sky, "I...realized I was late." My voice was shaky, uneven.

I stopped there and he looked at me suspiciously, "Late for what?" Jesus Christ, could he get any denser?

"My period. I was late by almost two weeks," I snapped. He completely froze and I took this as my cue, "I threw up in the morning, I was dizzy, tired even." His breathing came out in deep, heavy gasps and he stared at me, but I didn't look back at him, "So, I took a pregnancy test." I picked at my fingers, "And it came back...positive." I felt the tears well back up but I was tired of crying. I didn't let them fall this time; I was stronger than this. "I'm pregnant, Kento. I'm pregnant." The last tow words came out in a whisper, as if I was still convincing myself that it was real.

Kento's eyes were tightly shut now, his fists clenching and unclenching and he rubbed both of them over his face, "Oh God." His voice was hoarse, regretful, and sorrowful. "Are you sure?"

I didn't say anything but I nodded; I just wanted him to think it over until he understood this was for real, not some nightmare like I had.

"Damn it." he muttered to himself. I saw him starting to panic right before my eyes.

I watched as he got up from the bench, his steps uncertain. He managed to stumble five steps before stopping, running a hand through his hair over and over again. At first, I thought he was going to leave me here but I stopped myself, knowing he wouldn't do that.

Then he turned around to face me as I started to stand, unsure and cautious. I half expected him to start pointing at me, telling me this was my entire fault but something completely different happened.

I blinked in surprise as I felt his arms come around me, hugging me tightly as he buried his face in my braids. I wrapped my own arms around his neck while I heard him whisper, "I'm sorry. This is my fault."

I pulled away from him and backed out of his arms, "We both did this, not one person alone. But the question is: what are we going to do? You're going to college, I can't stop that."

He froze again and I realized my mistake. He hadn't thought about school yet.

He studied me, running another hand through his hair, "Are you saying you're thinking about getting an abortion?"

I paused, "I'm not saying that. I'm asking-"

He shook his head, "Listen, right now, let's not do anything. I'm gonna...go somewhere. Okay? I need to think; I think we both do before we decide anything." His tone was strong and firm as if he just made a final decision and I found myself nodding.

"Okay."

Then I watched as he walked away, that same stumble in his step.

I let the tears fall then, sinking back onto the stone bench and thought sarcastically about how great timing this was.