STARDUST

My Boy • XI

When Kento called and told me the abortion would be the day he left, tomorrow, I thought a lot of things over. I had a day until I was going to the clinic and that wasn't a lot of time. Sure, I had thought about it a lot over the past week, drawing the attention of my mother whom noticed my lack of sleep, eating, and talking.

I didn't believe in abortion, but I knew this was the best way out. I couldn't tell my mom, I knew what she would say and I couldn't handle that.

I knew Kento felt horrible about the abortion, but he had a future. He didn't want to take any chances...we both knew this. I wouldn't take it away from him because of my stupid mistake.

I didn't fall asleep that night, knowing what tomorrow would bring.

✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽

Everything was silent besides the uncomfortable shifting of Mel beside me. My name would be called any second.

My heart was beating quickly, that was the only thing I became aware of.

What am I doing? I asked myself.

How could I do this? More importantly.

I'll always live with guilt if I go through with this.

But I had too. I was leaving for college and so was Kento. What would everyone think if I was pregnant? My mom would surely hate me; appearance is a lot to her.

A baby is the last thing I need.

I bit my lip in frustration.

"Raya Jay Williams," someone said my name and I snapped out of my musings. I looked at the woman and nodded at Mel, who gave me a small smile.

I got up and followed the nurse, looking at some girls in the clinic. A couple had their mothers, some by themselves, and only one with a boy.

"Right in here," the nurse said, indicating toward a room.

Dread spread through my entire body and I became numb.

✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽✍🏽

I cried silently on the way home. I didn't think though, just cried.

Mel looked at me with concern again, the same expression she wore all day, "Do you want me to take you home?"

Home. What home?

I shook my head, "No, t-take me...to Kento." I just needed Him.

She nodded silently as a few more tears slipped form my face.

What did I do?

We pulled up to Kento's driveway a few minutes later and I saw his car, his bags stuffed in it. I saw his guitar in the front seat, along with some notebooks. The thought that he was actually leaving only made me cry harder.

When I saw him, he was sitting on the steps of the small blue house, his head in his hands, but when he heard the slamming of a car door he looked up at me, now walking toward him with my arms wrapped around my small frame.

He came toward me quickly and I fell into him, loving the way he wrapped his arms around me. He stroked my hair softly, whispering things in my ear to get me to settle down. I couldn't make them out and he gave up, kissing my forehead and the tears slipping down my cheeks instead.

To anyone passing by, we would just look like a teenage couple in love, separating different ways. Some would probably just shake their heads as they passed by. But there was so much more happening here.

I pulled back a little and kept a straight face, "It's done."

I didn't look at him. He would know if I did.

He hugged me again and off to the side I could see Mel watching us.

But then he kissed me, tasting the tears on my lips. Everything came rushing back to that night as I kissed him back just as passionately, the way he caressed me gently, the way he kissed me, much like the way he was now, and the way he made love to me.

My hand came to cup his jaw while his came around my waist. I felt a shiver go down my spine. It was such a sweet kiss and I couldn't even describe how it made me feel. I was aware that I had stopped crying somewhere in between.

Kento was so different from the boy I knew a month ago. He changed.

Or maybe he didn't change at all. Maybe I just haven't seen this side of him since we were children. It's been too long since I knew that boy. Though, he wasn't much of a boy now.

It was too much so I pulled back in dismay, getting a good last look at his eyes.

I kissed his chin, "Bye Kenny. And good luck. I promise I'll read all of your books." My tone was soft and steady and I even attempted a small smile, but inside I was falling apart, breaking.

My hand slipped from his grip as I walked away from him back into Mel's car.

When we reached the stop sign, a safe distance from Kento's house, I cried again and looked at Mel.

Oh God.

"I couldn't." My voice cracked and she cast me a confused look.

"What?" Her tone was soft, comforting and it encouraged me. I knew I could count on Mel.

I took in a deep breath although it sounded strangled, "I didn't get the abortion. I couldn't do it."

The car screeched to a halt and this one time, Mel yelled. "WHAT!?"