STARDUST

My Boy • VIII

These five minutes were the longest in my entire life. The minutes that determined if my life would change, the minutes that determined if I was pregnant...or not.

How could I have let this happen? If I hadn't drunken anything that night, this wouldn't have happened.

No. I lowered my head down in shame. Even if I was sober, I'm sure it would've happened all the same.

Mel shifted on the bed beside me, glancing at her watch, "It's time, Raya." Her voice was soft, comforting and she made a move to get up but I shook my head.

"I...I need to do this," my voice was strangled; my throat was completely welled up with fear.

She took a deep breath, nodding her head, and offered me an encouraging smile. I turned toward the bathroom door and slowly advanced toward it, my head spinning.

Abortion had crossed my mind various times during those five minutes; it still was. I didn't know if I could handle a baby now, and with Kento so excited on leaving this place, I would just be holding him back. He wanted to leave this place so badly, to get away. He had told me so and I knew he was already packed up to go even though he didn't leave for another week.

I opened the door and looked across, over to the sink. I picked up the test, staring straight a head, taking a deep breath in before lowering my eyes.

I let out a strangled, choked cry, starting to cry again.

Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.

Mel was in the doorway a second later and she looked at my form, taking me in. I lifted my puffy eyes to her. "I'm pregnant."

I couldn't believe this. This wasn't happening. My heart stopped beating all together at certain moments when I thought about my future, the people I would have to tell if I was keeping the baby. It would be so easy to get rid of it, not letting Kento ever know.

I shook my head, feeling an angry flush make it's way up to my cheek. He had a right to know; I could never do that to him. This was our decision, not anyone else's.

Mel wrapped her arms around me and I could tell she was crying too. She pulled back and brought her eyes to mine, "What are you going to do?"

I looked around, my eyes wide and blurry with tears, "I-" I shook my head, "I have t-to tell Him. I-I just don't know how."