STARDUST

My Boy • XV

"Uh, moma, what are you doing?"

No wonder why the apartment smelt like fresh paint. Here she was painting the small spare room that I used for a computer room a light pink. I dropped my bags on the floor by the door and walked in.

"Oh, hello Ray. Have fun shopping? Since your due soon I decided to start working on the baby's room. And since it is a girl..." She gestured toward the color that was on the wall.

I forced a small smile, "Mom, she isn't for another four months."

She stopped painting, "Actually, it's more like three and a half months."

What is up with everyone? This is my mom. The one who didn't think I was ready for college and here she is five months later painting my baby's room. Huh.

I smiled this time, "Need any help?"

My mom waved her hand and returned back to small section of the wall that she had yet to complete, "I'm almost done anyway. But you can show me what you bought today."

I nodded and smiled.

Later that night when I was putting on my nightgown, I caught sight of my stomach in the mirror. I turned slightly and placed a hand on it, smiling slightly.

But I lost it quickly when I caught sight of the empty bed in the mirror. I never would've imagined that my first child would happen like this. No, I wanted to be married, with a husband that I could see as a loving father.

But this baby wouldn't have a father. Just me.

And of course I thought about this often. Sometimes, I even wonder if I should've told Kento, to keep him behind for my own selfish reasons because I didn't want to be alone raising our child. But I knew that this was the best option.

And sometimes I even wondered if I should still keep contact with him. I mean, Kento could find out about his child one day; he's not stupid. And occasionally, I wouldn't even pick up the phone when he called. But I couldn't stay away from him and that was my weakness. Him.

I sighed and slipped the nightgown over my head, padding my way slowly over to my bed. I had always loved to sleep on my stomach, but since I was starting to show I thought that maybe I would hurt the baby if I did that. I would ask my mom about it later, I decided.

I bit my lip as I sent the room into complete darkness.

But, what if Kento ever did find out about his little girl? What would his reaction be? But of course I knew the answer.

He'd be hurt and angry.

And that's why he just couldn't find out.

I didn't want him to be hurt, even though I've already injured him in the worst way by not telling him.

I closed my eyes and thought back to that one night where I could've stopped all of this. But deep down, I knew if I had the choice, I would've still done it. I actually wanted this child; I was excited about my girl that I would give birth to.

I still remembered that night clearly, even though I had been partly intoxicated.

And it got to the point where I could actually feel Kento caressing me, his hot breath dancing on my flushed skin. I could feel the soft pressure on my lips from his, tasting me, exploring.

My eyes snapped open, but of course Kento wasn't there. A lot of me hoped that maybe there was some way he could be here now, holding me. But that wasn't possible. There was nothing there, just me. Besides, he was at least seven hours away, probably sleeping or writing away on his computer. Knowing Him, he was tapping away.

But a part of me wished that maybe he would be thinking about me too, right now. Right this instant.

I would give anything to kiss him again.

Then I fell asleep.