It's time for me to make a Randomness Book >:3
Take a peek if you want lol
Here you'll find: Rants, art, pics, anything-I-feel-like-posting, updates, and F A N D O M S.
EnJoY i GuEsS
I don't know if he'd read this in the future. Or even right now. Maybe. I just don't know—and I kinda want to admit it, I want him to see this. I care for him.
Right now I'm making him a gift that he'd requested a while ago for his birthday. I'm putting in ALL MY EFFORTS. But this isn't about his reaction, no.
It's my mom's.
For MONTHS she had been COMPLAINING or CRITICIZING EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO MAKE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. EVERY SINGLE THING.
When I decided to make him a bandanna matching the one from a game he likes, my mom literally went
"Are you sure?"
"Make something better."
"Don't you have anything else better in mind?"
"Be careful. He mightn't want to be friends with you anymore."
LIKE OKAY, VEEERY MOTIVATIONAL MOM
And then today. I already bought shrink plastic. Bought two colored Sharpie markers. I was ecstatic to make this guitar pick for him. Maybe even two. I had fun printing out the template, drawing the designs, coloring them in, and I'd say they don't look half bad.
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And then I showed them to my mom so I can get help with baking the shrinky dinks.
BUT THEN WHAT DID SHE SAY?
"aShLeY tHe CirClEs aReN't TiDy MaKe sOmEThiNg bEtTeR"
"PUT MORE EFFORT IN IT ASHLEY"
"YOU'RE SO LAZY"
...
OKAY MOM SERIOUSLY
HERE'S THE THING
THIS IS MY PARTNER WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
NOT
YOURS
SO WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT IT?
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE WORRYING ABOUT IT
I HAD PUT PLENTY OF EFFORT
I HAD HAD FUN
I AM NOT LAZY
YEAH WELL MY CIRCLES AREN'T THE MOST PERFECT THINGS IN THE WORLD BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S IMPORTANT?
THE MEANING OF THE GIFT AND HOW IT'S MADE WITH LOVE
I had to get that out of my system. I really do care for him. I'm too scared to say the three magical words to him right now since I'm less than 17 years old, but I care for him and I really made this with my heart.
And her words stung me, man.
Hit me straight in the heart.
She doesn't know how much she's discouraging me. I just want to make him a gift. It may not rival the beautiful sketchbook he gave me for MY birthday, but I want to give him something. Other than the effortless piece of trash I made in a rush on my Youtube.
I just want to show him my love.
Dude, if you're reading this, then I'm sorry if I sound weak. Just... I'm sorry.
