Communication| b.x.b. X/CB

Venting #3

I've been watching hella anime😂
P.S, this is eligible for the Watty's but I'm not entering because I never do. I'm not 18 so I don't do it🤷🏽‍♀️ even if I was 18 I still wouldn't. Them awards ain't worth it🚶🏾‍♀️
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July 4, 1968

What was this feeling that was coursing through my guts at the moment? With every kiss and smile Chris gave that blonde boy he'd introduced us to about two weeks ago, I felt myself grow angry. Maybe slightly jealous? Either way, I wasn't too fond of what I was witnessing and I didn't know why. I wouldn't have to sit and watch this if Mama Elisa and Johnny weren't so damn friendly. They invited him to celebrate Fourth of July with us. Apparently, everyone just fucking loves Chris now since he basically has no family other than his grandmother, sister, and us.

Do they not remember what he had done to me in that alleyway? How he'd treated me for almost two years? All to save his ass from not being accepted by others?

Why can't I seem to remember when I need to? The remnants of memories from all of those times Chris had hurt me physically and mentally still make themselves prevalent to my conscious from time to time. After all of that I still found a way to feel something for his ass. Even with Johnny I still feel this longing for Chris, and I love Johnny with every fiber of my being.

It's probably more than likely due to Chris being my first love-my first everything. He introduced me to a lot of different things, but Johnny introduced me to a real relationship. He showed me exactly how I am supposed to be treated and nothing less. Chris walked over my heart as it couldn't see it; Johnny framed my heart a long with his and put it in display for everyone to see.

They're two different men from two different worlds. Both very special, near and dear to me in their own ways.

"What are you over there thinking about, babes?" Jennifer asks me as she sits her plate of barbecue next to mine and takes a seat. I shrug and play around with a rib that was lying on my plate.

"Nothing much, really. I don't know, maybe it is something. "I mumble. A frown appears on her face and she firmly grasps my hand.

"I can tell that whatever it is honestly bothers you. "Jen speaks. Laughter from Chris and the boy he all introduced to us as Rafaelle, makes me snap my head in their direction. A sigh escapes my lips and Jen notices.

"I believe I know what it is too. Jah don't pay Chris no mind. You're both in happy relationships and living your lives. Johnny's supposed to be the light to your day." She reminds.

"I know, and he is, but Jen, Rafaelle is living my life. He's getting the treatment that I was endlessly promised to receive; kisses and affection in front of everyone, and just being the center of Chris's attention. All I ever got was my heartbroken, a black eye, and a few fractured bones. I can't help but to feel some type of way about it. "

She picked up a hotdog and took a huge bit of it.
"Understandable. " she shrugs with her mouth full of food. "That still doesn't make what I said not valid. All you used to ever want after you realized that maybe things between you and Chris could never work smoothly, was for to find love somewhere else and you have that. Jahseh, you may not think I noticed back then, but I knew the things Chris would do to you. All he did was push you over. As your best friend, that really hurt me, and it hurt even more knowing that you were lying to everyone about it. "

"And I'm sorry for that, Jen. I couldn't let anyone know that he—"

She held her hand up. "You don't have to explain. I know. But you need to know this; Chris is treating him like that because Rafaelle don't take that boys shit. From the day Chris introduces us two weeks ago and us hanging out, all Rafaelle did was keep his ass in check. Chris obeyed his every command like a damn dog, and that's the difference between y'all. Rafaelle is a more assertive person with a more mature mindset. His ego is not horrible at all but it radiates so greatly that everyone who crosses his path can feel it. You're not like that Jahseh. You're the complete opposite. If you and Chris were to ever get back together, he would treat you exactly how he used to. "