The Lion and the Warrior

Perplexion

Jaime Lannister was many things. In all of Westeros, he was simply, everything. He was the richest young man, undisputedly the best-looking, the greatest swordsman in the seven kingdoms, and the youngest man ever to be named to the King's Guard, which occurred in his 16th year.

He was also known as the Kingslayer; Oath Breaker; a Man Without Honor; and...he was in love with his twin sister Cersei Lannister, the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.

Jaime lay staring at the ceiling. Thoughts swirled in his head of his love for Cersei. She was the only woman he had ever been with until tonight. He looked at the woman lying beside him, sleeping peacefully, blissfully, and felt that he was loved. That he truly meant something to her. He felt needed and wanted. For the first time, he made love to a woman that had love and sincerity for him. Of course Cersei loved him. But she used to him, and used his love for her against him.

Brienne was everything that Cersei wasn't and never could be. She made him feel. It was heartbreaking that he needed and loved Cersei so much on so many different levels and he couldn't decipher what that love was. Brother/sister; lover; habit; loyalty and stubbornness. He could go on and on questioning himself but, why?

Brienne stirred a bit and her naked body touched his. His heart skipped several beats and he grinned looking at her tousled blonde hair, curled around her face, dewey with sweat from loving him and the heat of the glowing, crackling fire. She wasn't Cersei. But that drifted from his mind as suddenly, he found himself kissing her lips and sliding his hand beneath the blankets to touch her. She opened her sapphire blue eyes and smiled, a little surprised to see him still lying beside her. "Oh. Gods, this wasn't a dream," she whispered.

"No, I'm afraid not. You seem to have spent the evening with the Kingslayer."

"You have regrets," she said, sitting up on one arm and backing away from him.

He took her face in his hand and kissed her again. He caressed her cheek, her neck, and down to her shoulder. "Do you regret this?" he asked, his mouth still tickling her lips.

"Yes. I do. I'm sorry. But I do." To the surprise of both of them, her eyes began to pool with tears, yet they remained beautiful in the glowing light. He looked into them, searching. She was embarrassed and hurt. He was confused and broken.

Brienne rose from the bed and began to get dressed.

"Bri..."

"Ser Jaime, this was a mistake. Please go."

"I dont understand. We...."

"Get out!"

She threw his clothes at him and turned away quickly. She was angry with herself for feeling this way and showing him any emotion.

He walked out the door and stood there for a moment, his back against the door, not sure whether to go back in or go to his own room. What perplexed him mostly was that for the first time in his life he didn't know what to do or even what he wanted to do. A part of him wanted her to open the door and kiss him or hold him but...why? He walked down the cold hallway of Winterfell and rounded the corner only to find himself lost. He had no idea where to go next to even find his room.

Brienne felt ill. She didn't regret sleeping with Jamie Lannister, The Kingslayer. She regretted the feelings that came with it. She regretted feeling that with every move he made inside her, she thought he loved her, and that she loved him. With every touch he just felt right; with every kiss she felt whole and happy, and as if this were meant to be and it would last forever. She regretted that she wanted him back in her bed doing it all again right that moment. She wanted to cry, but refused to let herself. Her heart felt as though it had been ripped from her chest and yet it was beating with a ferocity it had never before, even in a sword fight. She ran her fingers through her hair and paced the floor. She poured some wine for herself and began to drink but set the goblet down, not having even finished half. She decided she needed to get out of that hot room. She couldnt be there any longer and didn't know if she could ever go back.

Brienne found herself outside on a snowy, moonlit balcony. Her pale face glistened in the moonlight. She stared teary-eyed out into the distance trying to erase the last few hours from her mind. She felt someone staring at her and knew it was him. She took a deep breath, wiped the wetness from her face and keeping her back to him, asked with annoyance, "are you here for some reason or you just lost?"

"I was lost. I was. But I'm not now. I've found you."

"Look, we both know where your heart is. Lets not pretend...that this...whatever this..." she bit her bottom lip and tried to stop herself but she couldn't and finally gave in to herself and her emotions.

"Jaime." She began to cry. She quickly straightened her back and forced herself to hold back her emotions. "Ser Jaime...let's not do this."

He put his head down. He knew exactly what she meant. But he couldn't walk away from her. He was drawn to her in mind, body and heart and now there was no turning back. "I'm sorry." He said. "I don't want to hurt you. I'm not here to break your heart. I'm here because I can't be away from you. I can't explain it."

She looked into his eyes and wanted to believe that he believed what he was saying.

"I don't want to do this. I cannot do this with you." As hard as it was, she left him standing there. He watched her walk away, down the stairs and into the courtyard. He ran down the stairs nearly slipping on the ice at the bottom and ran to her, grabbing her hand. She abruptly turned to look at him catching his green eyes. "I'm in love with you." He admitted it; he finally said it out loud. She stood her ground and replied, "For how long?"