The Lion and the Warrior

A Dark Descent

James paced up and down in front of his bed, listening to the rumbling thunder and the pouring rain. The lightening seemed to come every 10 seconds or so, creating shadows on his walls and floor. He lit a fire because it was getting cool and damp with the wind and rain. He was so afraid that his mother would grow to hate him, or worse, even fear him. No, that couldn't happen. His mother was the bravest, strongest, most confident woman in all of Westeros. He kept seeing it over and over again, turning at just the right moment, swinging his sword, his mother stepping to close and the feel of the blade as it sliced through her flesh and most of all, the look in her eyes knowing that it was him that killed her.

The pain in his fathers face and eyes as he looked up at him, holding Brienne, the love of his life. The life had already drained from him before he even died. James could still feel it in his hands; the feeling that radiated from his blade to the hilt and into his hand as his sword plunged through his father's chest and through his back. He couldn't stand it. He wished it was he who didn't have a hand; he wished anything to take that feeling away. He felt sick. He felt as though both of his parents had been stolen from him. They were still in the next room, living and breathing and yet they felt worlds away. How can my father still love me? How can my mother even look at me? Do they know how much I still love them and want to protect them?

Fear and sadness became rage. Rage became revenge. Not against his loving parents but against Cersei. She would not win this war. James knew she waged many wars and always expected her Jaime to win them for her.

James knelt by the fire, he is not yours anymore. He will never be yours. He has no love for you. And you have no power over us.

Jaime found himself walking down the corridor, the stone walls were damp, as was the rough stone floor beneath his bare feet. The air was cold on his bare back and chest. With every step he took forward, he felt desperate to go back. He wanted to stop, but he just couldn't; something was pulling him this way. I need to be with Brienne. Where the bloody hell am I going? He felt lost in his own home - the Red Keep - his home for more than half of his life. Torch flames flickered, barely lighting the halls. He reached the first landing of a long staircase that seemed to plunge into no where but darkness, and yet he began to descend. He kept one hand on the wall and slowly moved one foot down in front of the other, feeling in the dark for the next step. One hand and no eyes. He couldn't afford to fall.

A voice from the past called his name. He felt a lump in his throat when he heard her. This can't be, but this is what he wanted, wasn't it?

"Jaime!" Cersei? "Jaime, please. Come now! I love you. I need you, I want you, please come!" He stopped. One foot on a step above, one foot on a step below, his hand on the wall. All he wanted to do was turn around and go back up but his body would not let him. His heart pounded. "Jaime!" the voice echoed from the blackness below. This is not where I am supposed to be. "Cersei!" He heard himself cry. He moved quickly down the stairs into the darkness. "Where are you? I can't see." When he reached the bottom, he nearly slipped. It was so black he couldn't see anything, not even his golden hand. He felt cold and alone. Suddenly a single torch appeared and behind it was his twin. Long, gold, flowing hair, emerald green eyes, a gold and crimson dress. She touched his face. He wasn't completely smooth, she could feel a little stubble on him but she could barely see it, even with the torch light directly in his face. He squinted his eyes against the fiery light when she brought it in for a closer look. He slowly touched her hand and looked down at the floor. "Don't." He simply said.

"Why? Is it too familiar? Does it feel too good? I've missed you, little brother." She put her arms around his neck to embrace him and leaned in for a kiss. For a moment, he kissed her back and it felt so right but so wrong and terrifying. He backed away, "I don't believe you."

"Because I 'took too long?'" she mocked. Familiar words she had said to him long ago.

"It wouldn't matter, if you'd come years ago. Oh, you did. You came to me before my children were born and told me it would be a shame if my wife died the way our mother did in the very same room. Whether you've missed me or not, I haven't missed you. I have no love for you."

"Then why am I here?" she asked with a grin.

"I didn't bring you here. My guess is that you're here because you want to be here."

"You belong with me, Jaime."

"You're dead. I want you gone. You didn't want me when you were alive. You fucked our cousin, you fucked my brothers of Kings Guard, you fucked Euron Greyjoy, and only the gods know who else in all seven hells you fucked. You wanted my services, my sword, my loyalty."

"Euron Greyjoy offered me more than you could have ever given me. He brought me the golden company and all you ever brought me was a golden hand."

"This is supposed to make me want you?"

"It doesn't matter what you want. It only matters what I want."

"You're a jealous bitch."

"Jealous of what? Your giant warrior whore?"

"My wife," he growled, "my children. The fact that I am living and you are nothing but a ghost. A shell of a woman. You don't belong in my world."

"But I want you in mine. And my nephew...your precious golden knight is going to bring you to me. It will feel so good and so sweet that your own son hurts you beyond repair. You see little brother, it's not so much that I miss you. Not really. It's more vengeance for turning your back on me, killing me, our baby, and going on with this big ugly whore you call a wife."

"Just like all the times you turned your back on me? I killed for you. You lost our three children. Children I wanted to love and be with and you forbid it. Forbid it for your own gain, your own power - you used them as your pawns to get what you wanted and all you wanted - more than them, more than me, was to be queen. Baby number four, if there was a baby number four, probably wasn't mine."

"Is that what you told yourself when you killed it?" she asked. He stood there in silence, clenching his jaw. "Do you ever ask yourself if maybe that's why your baby girl was still born? You're not over her are you? Nearly fifteen years and you think of her every day as you look at your son - your perfect son who gets to live. Let me help you."

"Help me?"

"Let me help take away your pain, so you don't have to feel anything ever again." He felt her lips upon his, soft and warm. "Living or dead...you don't belong in my world", he said, as he pushed her away with force.

"Jai?!" He heard Brienne cry.

"Oh gods...Bri...I am so sorry. I'm sorry, come here," he touched her face.

"I know. I know. It was a dream," Brienne said.

"Was it you?"

"What?"

"Kissing me, was it you? Did I push you away?"

"No."