The Realm Of The Abyss

Chapter 25: Reflection

Quinn’s POV.

The strong gust of wind swept through my hair. I parted a few tangled strands of my hair and tucked them behind my ear. I came here by myself to the sea that Alfaro and I visited the previous time. Fortunately, I remembered how to get there and was able to go.

As I gazed upon the scenery in front of me, the sea was pounding with waves, and it felt like heaven. Since the sun hasn’t risen yet, I can assume no one in the palace has awakened as of yet. I decided to flee the palace for a brief period of pondering and isolation. I let my thoughts wander into oblivion.

What was your biggest regret?

I suppose you could say that regretting is normal throughout a person’s lifetime. It’s a part of growing and learning. It’s a part of our lives.

Who wouldn’t feel regret?

Almost everyone has probably regretted life choices they’ve made hastily and without careful thought. Decisions that caused us harm or otherwise shattered our hearts. Then again, we could never avoid regrets and wonder what could have been.

Many people wondered why repentance was always late. Why do we only realize our mistakes at the end rather than at the beginning? Why is it that the consequences of our decisions affect us later rather than earlier? Why is it that when we are on the edge of the road we’re treading, we only realize we are lost?

Because no one ever regrets anything in the first place…

Even if we knew we’d repent someday, we kept going because it’s what we wanted to happen, and it’s where we find true happiness. Even if the cost would be paying for the momentary happiness we experienced at the time.

What if you’re at a point in your life where your situation is similar to mine?

If someone were to ask you, which one would you prefer? To repent of something you didn’t do, even though it would’ve made you happy, or to repent of something you did that made you happy in the most difficult times of your life?

Will you ever regret doing something that once brought you happiness?

Would you be sorry if you spent your money because you were hungry? Would you be sorry if you missed a day of work to rest? Would you regret falling in love with someone who hurt you, even if you were happy with him at the time?

You couldn’t call what made your heart bliss a waste of time and a regret because the most important part was that you were happy even if the feeling didn’t last long, and you should keep in mind that you’ve found the pleasure you sought and that there is nothing to regret.

Go for what makes you happy. Life is too short to live it with regrets. Why not make the most of every moment of your life? All the things you want to do, do it even if it scares you. Because at the end of the day, trying is always better than doing nothing at all.

A deep sigh escaped my lips. Another blast of wind ruffled my hair. I brushed my fingers over it and flipped it to the back.

I didn’t realize I was walking in circles because my mind was veering away. I slowed my pace when I caught a glimpse of Varri from a distance. She was walking around, staring into space.

Where is she going?

My frown vanished when I remembered that the two of us had planned to meet today for a conversation.

“Varri, here!” I pointed to the bench where I was sitting, and she cocked her head to find me.

“Have you made up your mind?” she asked straight forward when she came up to me. I swerved my gaze and gave a light nod.

“I can’t leave the palace,” I said in a hushed tone.

I kept thinking about it, but at the end of every train of thought, I always came to the same conclusion.

I heard her exhale an exasperated sigh. I couldn’t look her in the eyes because I knew she was disappointed with my response.

“I get it, Quinn. If that is your decision, all I can do is respect and support it. All I ask is that you avoid putting yourself in danger. Only the two of us are not from this world. So I hope you take extra care and bear in mind that if anyone else discovers our secret, we could be put in danger, so don’t put too much trust in anyone,” she cautioned.

“I’ll take note of everything you’ve said.”

Varri has been a huge help to me. I didn’t know what I would have done without her. Even though we were from the same world, I felt as though I’d found a friend on whom I could rely in this realm.

“But I’m curious. Tell me the truth. Is it only the palace that you can’t leave or even this world?” Her tone of voice was skeptical.

My lips parted and I struggled to speak. I couldn’t answer her question, so I looked away.

“I know the answer,” she said confidently, running her fingers up her hair. “I can read your emotions from the look in your eyes rather than your reaction.”

“You knew all along?”

“You’re easy to read, Quinn. You tried to keep your emotions hidden, but you forgot that your eyes speak. I know what’s going through your head, but I’ll wait until you’re ready to talk,” she said. “Now tell me, what are your plans after this? If you refuse to leave the palace, will you be able to witness the ceremony tonight, even if you’re aware of what will happen? I’m referring to the declaration that will take place later, when Prince Alvaro will be crowned as the new King of Araya and reveal to the crowd his chosen queen, who will assist him in ruling the kingdom.”

I took a deep breath, lowering my head down. I was aware of it and had heard it from her several times, but it weighed heavier on my chest.

I’ve never envied anyone or coveted the throne, but it was as if I became greedy in the snap of a finger. I wanted to be his equal, but I knew I could never be his queen. It was heartbreaking, knowing I couldn’t do anything else in case he found a partner deserving of him, but what hurt the most was that it would never be me. 

I’ll never be the woman he’d choose…