When the day met the night (Ryden)

chapter nine : im all out of faith

Title :
RYANS P. O. V

"so how was school today?" Jane asks me, looking at quickly in the rear view mirror. I nod my head and stare out the window, not giving her an actual answer. Im not in the mood.

She's driving me to Mr. Ways office and I have to say I'm shitting it. I haven't been here in ages and I just feel like I'm back at square one.

We keep driving and soon I'm back in front of that similar building. Jane leaves the car but I'm still staring at it. Fuck I'm terrified.

"you'll be okay Ryan. This will help." she smiles at me, opening the car door. I slowly walk out, stuffing my hands in my pockets. We walk in and I'm yet to look up. I don't need to though, I've been here enough to know where to go. I walk over to a blue plastic chair on the corner and wait for Jane to finish at the desk. I feel her sit down beside me but I don't look up. My hearts racing and my legs bopping up and down. Mr. Way was always on time so I knew I would be have to wait much longer.

"Ryan Ross?"

Fuck.

I stand and look up for the first time Ive been here. Mr. Way stood there smiling at me and gesturing at me to go into his room. I walk in quickly and sit on the chair I know I meant to sit on. The door closes and he walks to his chair. He's wearing black jeans and black shirt. Nothing special. He was young and had shoulder length hair.

"hello Ryan, its been a while since I've last seen you." he says, looking through past notes. Hes still smiling at me but I know soon things aren't gonna be that cheery. I start biting my nails and don't say anything.

"do you want my questions or do you want to talk."

"questions." I say, almost too quickly.

"okay... How are the dreams?"

I take a deep breathe and sit on my shaking hands. Time to be honest.

"they were fine for a while. But this last month they've come back and I'm barely sleeping." I say, voice quiet.

"are they the same as before?"

I nod my head and I hear him scribbling on his paper.

"did anything happen last month that may have triggered it?"

brendon flashes across my mind and i immediatly feel guitly. i cant blame this on him, thats not fair. but what he did hurt me. i opened up to him and he threw that back in my face.

"i opened up to someone, and it didnt go well?" i say, deciding that was the best way to put it.

"and how did that make you feel?"

"well like fucking shit. how else would i feel?!" i yell. i feel bad as soon as i've said it and sink back into my seat. Dr.Way dosent seem fased though and just continues to scribble notes down on his pad.

" okay ryan, i think im going to change your prescription a little bit and i would like to see you once every week if thats okay with you?" he smiles at me kindly and it makes me want to throw up. i dont hate Dr.Way but it makes me uncomfotable that he knows so much about me. i nod my head and take the slip of paper he hands me with the new medicine.

he stand and walks to the door, holding it open for me. i walk out quickly and make for jane.

" how was it?" she asks, following me out hurridly.

i just shake my head and walk to the car. i hand her my new perscription and she stops off at the pharamcy before we get back to the house. i dont leave the car and just stare out at nothing. jane dosent try and talk to me and i respect that. i just feel so numb. theres nothing for me. it feels as though nothing wil ever get better and i dont know what to do anyore.

as soon as we get to the house i rush up to my room. i dont chance a look at brendon's door i just rush into mine. i lie down on my bed and just stay there. i dont come down for dinner, but instead stare at the ceilng and let my emotions paralyse me. i hear my door open and close at around 7 o'clock. i slowly sit up and see a plate of food sitting on my desk, next to it is a brown papaer bag of my pills. inside theres a note of the dosage and i robotically open the little orange tube. i take two of them and go back to my position on the bed. this was my life now. relying on pills to hep me get through the day without jumping off the nearest tall building. its barely a life at all.

BRENDONS P.O.V

he didnt come down for dinner and he hasnt left his room since he came back from therapy. i swallow my guilt about telling Jane and try to distract myself.

"it was the right thing to do." i murmmer to myself.

spencer isnt back yet so i dont need to worry about him thinking im crazy. he normally gets back a little later, but hes always here by curfew at 8. i walk around our room and tidy my things. i sit back down on my bed and play with my hands. im. so. bored. i re-reorganise my things again and get back to my bed. im just about to re-re-re organise my things when theres a knock at the door. i feel my heart sink as i see it isnt Ryan but choose to ignore it.

 "have you heard anything from Spencer?" jane asks, worry etched into her brow.

"no... why?" i ask, getting worried too.

"hes just not answering his phone and hes normally back by now...he'll be fine. if you hear anything just let me know yeah?" she walks out quickly before i can reply. in her haste she fails to close the door. i groan and haul myself to me feet to close it. "would be nice if you could close the god damn door." 

i entertain myself with my phone for a while before checking my watch and see that its nearly ten oclock. spencer was still no where to be seen. i walk to my door and inch it open. there are hushed voices coming from down stairs and i move forward to hear them better. i see out the window a police car and take a sharp inhale. had he done soemthing illegal? was he being arrested? what if i never see him again?

"he was by the river near george street." a deep voice said, i assume a policeman

"how is he?" jane asks, her voice shaking and weak

"theyve got him in A&E now but they dont know how he'll recover until he wakes up and they can check his vitals." a new higher voice says, joining the conversation.

"we need you to come with us as soon as possible to sign some paperwork for the hospital." the man says.

"okay, ive got Ray to look after the kids while im gone." jane says, walking to the door behind ther policemen. as she leaves she looks up at the stairs and sees me standing there. she offers me a small smile and walks out of the door with the man and the woman. i hope Spencer's okay. at least he's been found.

"go to bed brendon!" ray yells, walking around the corner to the base of the steps. i nod at him and retreat to my room, but not before i see Ryan's door closing quickly.