"Did she saw you?" I ask jungkook just to be sure
"Yep! She even waved at me. You didnt saw her?" jungkook ask
"Okay" i plainly said and didnt answer him
As I step out of the escalator I grab my phone and texted someone.
One of the person who knew my secret
She learned about us because I accidentally slide one of our photos in my phone when I was letting her see the photos of her that I took. I was really nervous at that time, but she take it lightly she never get mad and assured me that she can take that as our secret.
She had been guessing my mysterious lover way back our college days because she was curious whos that person I always talk about and cried for. She knew the situation but not the person involve. I remember how she said those words left her mouth.
~FLASHBACK~
"Forget that person lisa. Even if I didnt know about your lover his not worth it. And he will never ever choose you. The moment you had it was nothing compares his current relationship. He wouldnt sacrifice it for what you two had" rosé said as she looked at me. I hope i could tell her its not a HE
"The moment you had it was good while it lasted" she added
"Now since we are about to take our licensure exam. Choose. You will pass but your lover will leave or You will fail but your lover will stay" she said in a serious voice
"You know my predictions happens right" evil laugh
"Oh come on chaeng! Thas fucking hard!" I said
"What the hell?" She look at me confused
"Okay. Of course pass! Fuck. I want to pass of course. I would not let myself fail" i said
"Then good! Youll pass i know that but you will definetly lose your lover" she smirked. I know she just want me to stop hurting myself that why she is being rude to me
She predicted it all.
~END OF FLASHBACK~
*:CHAENGGG!!! I FUCKING SAW HER!!
*rosé: what the hell? Its been fucking months, you still cant move on from
her?
As I read her second replied i feel a tear left my eye.
*rosé: you know she cant be yours from the start right? you know that. They had been together for 7 years now do you think she'd risk it all for you?
Then a sudden realization came in my senses. I quickly wipe my tears so my brother wont notice. She was right, all the fucking damn time we are together she had a boyfriend, and we? We were secretly dating, we had to hide to all of our friends. I knew, I always knew about them, but fuck i fall for her, those sweet gestures, her surprises, she cared for me, all the iloveyou's i fall for it. I should have not let her, when the time she confess her feelings i should have rejected her so that I wouldnt be hurt like this.
But I cant. Who couldnt fall for her, shes beautiful, she showed me how to be loved. She was my first girlfriend my one true love.
I already gave her everything I have. My trust, my love, my heart my body. I maybe the stupid person ever to fall for someone who is already taken but damn you cant blame me especially when you experience all of the things she did for me I know anyones heart can melt all of jennies gestures towards me. I love her so much and hoped that she really does truely love me despite of her situation.
But I hoped and prayed that she chooses to be with me, i never asked her about it, i just waited for her to tell me that she wants to with me or did she?
~FLASHBACK~
"I think i had to break up with him" jennie softly said that shocked me. This was the first time I heard her said those words. We have been together for months now
"Its up to you" i nervously said. I mean im happy but i also feel bad. Am i a bad person knowing im the reason behind their breakup
"Im happy when im with you" jennie smiled
"Me too. And that will you make most happiest person ever if you did that. But I want you to be sure of everything, i dont want to pressure you okay? Im always here for you. I love you. You know I would do anything for you right? I can fight for our love." I softly said while i hold her hand as a tear left my eye. If just being selfish I could have just told her to be with me already.
"Okay, give me more time okay? I know this is hard for you. Youve been hurting so much. Im so sorry if i always make you cry everynight your alone here. Everything will be okay soon. I promise" jennie said and caress my face
"Its okay, i love you so much my love. Im willing to wait for you" i smiled but deep in my heart I wanted her to be mine already so that we can be more free to show our love to every one
"Thank you my love for being patient with me. I love you more" jennie said and gave me a kiss
We have been together for 1yr and 9months now but nothing changed. She forgot about it I guess, as she was still with him. We contiued our little secret. It became harder because her boyfriend decided to live in with her. It became difficult for me to visit her at her house and jealousy out grow my love. I became impatient with her, everyday I get mad but I always came apologizing everytime. She always forgives me and keep on fighting for our relationship.
~END OF FLASHBACK~
*: I know, sorry
Actually I didnt know. I thought that she will choose me. But now I know i was definitely wrong.
~FLASHBACK~
"My love, youll wait for me okay. Give me more time. I will tell them everything" jennie softly said as she wipe my tears we were arguing because I was jealous of her boyfriend. I was scared that maybe one day shell left me because of him
"I will my love. Are you breaking up with me?Please dont leave me okay? I said sobbing
"Im not breaking up with you. I wont do that love, please stop crying" jennie softly said assuring me
"When the right time comes ill tell them everything, and after we graduate and get a job. We will go to states to get married as same sex marriage is legal there. And by then I know we have more money you told me that you would buy my mom a chopper and also you buy your dads dream car, you remember that?" Jennie softly chuckles and cupped my face while looking at me. I find myself smiling as I remember i said that to her.
"And by that they will accept our love for each other knowing that youll take care of me" jennie smiled at me.
"I will take care of you jennie" my raspy voice said
"I know love," jennie smiled her gummy smile that i fall for
"My love, remember I told you that your the one to carry our baby right?" Jennie chuckles
"I remember all you said my love" i smiled
"You know when we had our duty, it was really painful to watch a mother giving birth to a baby. You know my pain tolerance is so low" jennie chuckles
"I know my love, Im also scared but It would be my pleasure to have a baby with you" i softly chuckles. I realized how this woman can make me calm and can easily change my mood
"Your younger than me love so its gotta be you. Thank you love, I cant wait for that day to come" jennie smiled
"I love you jennie. I always will" i smiled and a tear left
"I remember how say those words sincerly. I miss how those brown eyes of yours light up when you talked about our dreams, plans, our future"
"Shh. I know, i love you more lisa. Im sorry if I hurt you. Please just dont get jealous of him, i love you. And im not sleeping with him okay? keep that out of your mind. We might be in the same bed but im not having sex with him. Since the day we have been together, your the only one who I always had in contact with, you know that" jennie explained "You know that he doesnt even make me cum when we do that before" she softly chuckles she know that it would make me feel assured
"Okay my love. Im so sorry." i smiled
~END OF FLASHBACK~
"I thought you said that Ill wait for you. What happened to our plans?
"Hey. Are we eating or not?" my brother tap my shoulder as I snapped out of my senses
"N-no. I want to go back to my apartment now" i said with conviction
"Okay then, since I cant still choose the right phone. But tomorrow unnie, lets be back here." jungkook said
"Yeah, sure. Lets go" i said not looking at him
After that I drive jungkook home and I made a quick stop at a convenient store and buy 6 cans of beer and chips before heading to my apartment.
"This will make me feel better" i mumbled
xx
