I arrived at my apartment and drank my beer beside the glass window looking over the beautiful city.
I was smiling but I feel sad inside, a tear left my eye.
"I miss you. It has always been my dream that everytime i come home, i come home to your warm embrace but sadly im back with my old life again, where beers warms up my body and not you."
"Every time I go out. I still think of you, all the things that I saw reminds me of you. I think im going crazy. Its been 9 months but the memories, the pain felt like yesterday."
"How could I forget you jennie? Tell me how? I want to know? How did you do that so easily? I want to know? Im sick and tired of crying for you every now and then. I want to be happy too just like you do"
I started crying when i thought of those words. I remember how my nights went after the months that I stopped seeing her. I didnt stop actually, she left me no choice to see her. After that night i never saw her again, the next thing I know she flew to japan to spend a month with her boyfriend since he was assigned to work there.
~FLASH BACK~
11pm
rm: Yow! Where are you lets grab a drink at my place
:Im at my apartment. Yeah sure, be there in 30 mimutes
rm: Buy 2 bottles of brandy and 2 packs of ciggarettes since you smoke already.
Yep. I smoke now. The past few weeks has been like this. I drown myself in the alcohol and smoke as hell i even can empty a whole pack in just one night.
"Hey! Come in" rm welcomed me and saw her grandmother at the living room
"Good evening mom, arent you sleepy yet? Its pretty late already" i softly said and hugged her. She liked to be called like that. Im close to the family of rm, since our parents new each other and we came from the same neighbourhood, but I knew him because we go to the same school in our college days.
"This movie is good. I will finish this first and ill be in bed. Dont drink too much, its always the both of drinking here. You should invite more of your friends so that its not only the both of you." She smiled.
She is not really strict shes just concern about our drinking habits since we have been drinking almost every night. She knows too that we are not sleeping together as I always sleep on the living room. I decline to sleep on their room so that they will not think about us sleeping together.
"We will mom. And our friends are busy. Will be at the kitchen now." Rm said and leaves
"Okay mom. Good night" i smiled and followed rm
"Hey, you know what we are being talked about?" rm said
"I know. And I couldnt blame them. As long as I know the truth it wont affect me" I chuckled
"Your right" he smiled
"Your a boy and im a girl drinking alcohol together? Is a big no no. A lot might really happen as soon as alcohol strikes in." I added
"Just dont listen to them" he replied
I remember how my friends, our friends to be specific told me of being a slut and her ex girlfreind told me that too which was my friend. Even though she knew nothing really happened between us
—
"Love is bullshit" rm madly said she was talking about her ex girlfriend again. Which was my close friend by the way.
"I gave her a chance. After I broke up with her i decided not come back to her. But she was persistent she make a lot of effort, you even saw that so, I gave in" he said
"I know. I told you that she just wants revenge. She came back and make you fall for her and boom now she knows your into her again she just vanishes, she leave you hanging" i smirked knowing im right and take a shot
"Fuck that shit. How about you? Jennie? I fucking still couldnt believe that you were both in a "relationship". Rm said as he lit a cigarette and hand in to me. I already told him and mina months before since I was really drunk that time so I told them because I trust them and im so close to the two.
"Nothing, we are so done you know that. She left me already. And its fine." I calmly said while i puff and smoke out the cigarette. I was lying. It will never be fine. I always have to always pretend that im fine infront of them so that they wont be asking a lot of questions. And based on my experience pretending that your fine does really actually works, one day you'll just wake up and your not hurting anymore
"Thats good. Forget about her lis. Just think about that it was all a game. And you fall for it. If only I could punch her in the face I would do it for you. But shes a girl" rm chuckles and made me smile
"Yeah. It was just nothing. Let say it was just all for sex" i blankly said i pretended that no emotions or love was invested on that so called relationship
"Anyway, how was your date with that guy last night?" He asked
"Its okay, I accepted his offer to have dinner, his been courting me way back many years already. So I just go with it. You know" i smirked and take my shot. As i looked at rm shocked face, he knows what im talking about
"You mean. You have sex with that fuck boy" rm asked shocked
"Yep, i know he just want to have sex. I can clearly saw that in his actions. So i gave him what he wants. Anyway i really dont care about anything anymore. I dont even regret that it happened" i said which was true. I dont give a damn anymore. Actually after we did that i cried at the bathroom not because I regret it but because while were having sex I wasnt feeling anything I kept on remembering jennie, hoping that she is the one im sleeping with and shes doing all of that and not that guy
"What!? You know you shouldnt have done that. I know youre broken but please take care of yourself dont let them use you." Rm worriedly said
"You know what when were having sex i kept on remembering jennie. I first stopped him because a tearfall left my eyes, he even saw that. But then I shrugged it off and we continued" i said
"See. Your not ready lis. It would not make you feel any better it would always keep backfiring and youll end up hurting yourself and crying all over again" rm said which was so true
"Your right it really ends up backfiring. I cried after that and i felt i betrayed jennie. Funny right? Even if were not together it feels like im cheating on her" i said and looked down
"Stop thinking about her anymore." He said
"And im sorry for what happend last, last week lis. About my friend, the nurse at the hospital. I couldve protected you, he took advantage of your weakness. Fuck i was so drunk that night. Ive fallen asleep already." rm looked down
"Its okay, nothing happened anyway. That was just a casual sex. Plainly kissing. I enjoyed kissing that man though even if he was not a good kisser, that was sloppy one. Ugh" i chuckles and he laughed
"So your an expert huh?" He smiled
"I guess" i smirked
"Really im sorry lis. And to make it clear I didnt sold you out. That guy fucking told our friends that he slept with you even if I know what happened" rm said and looked at me
"Believe me lis. I wouldnt do that" he added
"I really dont know who to believe. They told me you did. But forget it okay? I dont care. I dont fucking care what they would say. As long as I know the truth ill be okay. You know that. And I dont hate you. See im still here drinking with you" i smiled
"Thanks lis" he said and we take our shot
