strange sweet feelings (A Nigerian Gay Story)

chapter 30: Nervous?

And the wedding scene is here,...any guesses on what would happen before reading this chapter.🙃. Well I guess I'll just write on.
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Victor's POV

I wouldn't say what I was feeling now was a feeling of pain, it was hurt, I am hurt, although I know I had told fred that I was getting married, but I expected a little bit of fight from his side, I wanted him to fight for our love, for my heart, even if it was a little attempt, but he didn't even try.

I had been happy that the visa processing had some kinda delay, I hoped fred would atleast come see me, atleast try to convince me to be with him, atleast it would help with this tough decision I'm trying to make.

The visa was ready two days after I visited the embassy, Efe was sounding so happy, atleast he actually noticed me and asked how I was doing this time, he said I sounded stressed and that when I get to the states he would prepare a couple's masseur to atleast ease us a bit of all the stress.

I'm currently in the plane, itoro would be joining me in the states a day after today as I had chosen him to be my best man for the day. Who knew or thought that there would be two best man present for one wedding. When I was young I never in my lifetime thought that I could be attracted to guys.

I'm sure my parents where ever they are now, they would be very disappointed in me like most Nigerian parents would in this situation.

I'm even surprised as Efe's parent didn't really react to him being gay, most especially his mum, his parents grew up in the states and his dad is white but his mum is a Nigerian from Delta state, he was adopted as a child, and being the sixth child his parent didn't really mind him being gay, his mum gave birth to 4 of his siblings while 3 more were adopted.

Efe knew alot about Nigerian culture, due to the fact that his parents, made it a point of duty shipping all of them to nigeria for their secondary school, to stay with their grandmother in Delta state. The mother had insisted they enrolled in day school not boarding as she wanted them to be with her mum so they'll learn a thing or two.

But she made sure they were all enrolled to quality schools, British schools in Nigeria. Only his last sibling hasn't visited Nigeria till now, due to the fact that the grand mother had died before she got the the stage when all of the  other siblings are usually shipped to nigeria, so she was very American in almost all of her endeavors.

The thought of meeting Efe's parent for the first time in person was actually making all of this seem real, I had talked to them severally on phone but seeing them, is totally different.

Why do I feel like I'm still not ready, or is this the feeling most people experience a week before their wedding day.

****
I was being dressed by a fashion designer, a really expensive one, now I finally get it, this is a bad idea. The day of the wedding has come and I guess Efe would have gotten to the church and would be waiting for me, I needed to talk to him, I don't think  I can do this, i feel like turning back suddenly.

Where the hell is itoro?, where is everyone?, the stylist was knotting my cute black bowtie, I was feeling tensed without realising my action I had dragged it away from my neck releasing it hold

" Are you okay sir?, Nervous?" He asked giving me a warm smile

" Yeah" I said totally feeling nervous

" I know how it feels, i felt the same when I was getting married to my wife, she's late now tho" he said smiling a bit

" I'm sorry about your wife" I said trying to move my thoughts away from the fact that I am getting married today, but everything around me all the decorations and stuff, the wedding vibe in that room wasn't helping.

" I was really nervous when I was waiting for my wife, it was like seconds turned into hours, and the only prayer I kept repeating in my head, was thats she would say yes to me, you know once he says yes you'll be okay, marriage is a full commitment, you should be with the one you love. I was married to Sarah for 35 years before she died, this year would make it our 42nd year assuming she was still here with me" he said

" Do you know the best thing about marrying the one you truly love, there's no regret, i never regretted choosing to spend the rest of my life with Sarah, you're here with this mam because you want to not because you were forced, and if you truly love him, then you'll be with him without any doubt, I'm sure he loves you" he said  patting my dress,
" I'm done!, You can join the others outside they'll lead you to the church, by the way, you lool amazing" he said walking past me to arrange somethings he has scattered on the table.

I was filled with thoughts, do I love Efe that much?, Why do I feel like I'll regret doing this?, Efe truly loves me, I'll only hurt him if I actually go on with this marriage, what do I do?, I thought as I entered the vehicle taking me to my groom.

***

The gates of the church was already open as I stepped down I walked down the aisle alone, looking at Efe from where I was, he was so happy, this was supposed to be the happiest day of his life, he's finally getting married to the man he truly loves, who doesn't feel exactly the same way, this guy deserve far more better, I thought to my self.

I got to him and he held my hands, my hands were shaking and he squeezed it, I was lost in thoughts, I have to do this, I looked at the faces of the people seated at the church seats, looked at Efe's parent I had met few days back and I looked at Efe's, he was happy, I'll crush him either way, whether I do this or not, I'll still break him.

" Babe" I whispered

He smiled looking at me a bit confused, it was almost time to read the vows, he didn't have time to really pay attention before he turned, he finished reciting his wedding vows, and it got to my turn, I looked at him and I looked at itoro beside me, a sudden realisation came to him, he looked like he knew what I was about to do and his eyes were telling me not to go ahead, not now atleast.

But I was impatient, I've been known to be very impatient, I couldn't wait any further
"I'm sorry Efe but I can't do this" I say walking out hurriedly out of the church, as I hear whispers and gasping behind me, I was being followed, someone was running after me.