journal ➸ a.i au

eighth entry

july 15

dear ashton,

okay. i can't stay angry to you for so long. nobody can stay mad at you for more than a day

i visit you again today, and you didn't wake up
you just lay there, as usual. without making any single movements on your fingers or your eyelids
i touched your hand. and it wasn't warm as it used to be
it was so cold, i was so afraid that you might be passed away
but the heart monitor kept beeping, telling me that you're still alive

i talked to you today, ashton. did you hear me?

i talked about my life, i talked about school, my family, about how i get closer to your friends, especially calum
you made us get closer, because we're all missing you

also,
i told you that i love you. more than a friend. more than anything. i know you are the one since the day we met. i know there was something in your hazel eyes that made my heart beat faster than usual. i love the way you smile that makes me smile. i love the way you laugh that makes me laugh along with you. everything you do is contagious and magical.

i love you, ashton

i always wish that you feel the same way
but right now, i only wish that you can hear me

please wake up, ashton

love,
antonia