Stories of my thoughts

I see him

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I see him smile at her,

I see him laugh at how she has memorised his whole day,

I see his heartbeat quicken when she is close,

I see him 'run into her at lunch' even though he knew where she was going to be,

I see him talk about her as if she is his whole world,

But I want to be that girl,

And as much as it pains me because I don't want him to worry or be unhappy,

I don't tell him because I love him,

As the days go by my jealousy grows,

I want to be his,

I want him to notice me,

I want him to see me,

He has asked me 'What's wrong?' and I just shrug and act as if nothing is wrong.

I've started cutting my wrists because I can't contain what I am feeling,

As the blood drips down my arms I laugh and think

About him hugging me and telling me it will be ok,

That I'm still beautiful,

That I'll get through it,

But he isn't here,

He's with her.

People have started to notice my scars,

Even with my jumper covering them they still see them, 

When we are changing for PE,

They make fun of me,

Calling me fat and ugly,

But still he doesn't notice me,

All he sees is her,

Never me.

My parents have noticed my scars and have me on medication,

It quiets the voices in my head that constantly yell,

telling me that he doesn't care

An I'm starting to believe them more and more,

But still he hasn't noticed.

I can't take it anymore,

The teasing,

The pain,

The jealousy,

The heartbreak,

The knowing he will never be mine,

I'm going to do it,

Leave it all behind,

Even him,

Even him.

I lie in the bath,

Tears rolling down my cheeks in a constant stream,

Hoping that he will come in and tell me he has always loved me,

But I know that he won't because he is away with her,

Always her,

I start to add lines to my writs,

The pain shoots to my head in agonising waves,

Blood squirts out of my wrists from my heart pumping so hard,

As the bath slowly turns redder,

My eyelids get heavier and that's when I realise how big of a mistake I have made,

I try to hold the blood in but my arms are too weak,

I try to get out and get a towel but my body refuses to move,

As the light begins to fad all I can think about is how wrong I was,

He did notice me,

I saw him and he saw m......

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*Author's note*

Hey, it's me again. This story idea was given to me by a friend of mine, (Thanks Hannah). Also, there will be a second part but it's 00:00 at night so I'm going to sleep then will do it tomorrow. Also also thank you so much for everyone who is voting and reading this. So yea see you in part 2.