•Good Omens Oneshots•

Bad Coffee

-

I was waiting inside of my bookshop, waiting for the arrival of the black Bentley. I was seated on my desk looking over a few book orders and receipts.

"Angel!?" Called out the familiar voice of Crowley.

"Hello!" I answered cheerfully as Crowley approached me.

"Well, are you ready to go?" He asked folding his arms.

"In a moment yes, I just need to mark off the last receipt," I answered as I quickly scanned my work and finished off the last of it.

I stood up, straightened my jacket, and followed behind Crowley. He led me to his Bentley and after both of us were seated inside he turned to me, "Well, where to?" He asked resting his arms on the wheel.

Crowley had lost a bet with me and we decided the payment would be to take me to a place to eat, not that it was anything new. He was to pay for the meal and I was to pick the place.

"I'de love to go to a Cafe, it's about thirty minutes into London counting the traffic," I answered brightly.

"Right," Said Crowley flatly.

Killer Queen began to play as Crowley sped out from the side of the street and made his way into the road lanes.

The Bentley's speed begun to accelerate as Crowley pressed the gas. He swerved around neighboring cars which honked in response.

I gripped the edge of my seat as the ride began to get frightening.

I sucked in a deep breath as I stared at Crowley who paid no mind to my reactions towards his rubbish driving.

"So this Cafe...? Have we gone to it yet?" Asked he.

"Erm, no it's a new one," I answered, trying to keep my attention guided towards talking and not on the pedestrians almost getting run over.

"Oh nice," replied Crowley.

We ended up arriving at the Cafe rather quickly due to Crowley's speed driving. We entered through the glass doors and were greeted by a polite-looking waitress.

She led us to our table and handed us menus.

"Are you on a date boys?" She asked with enthusiasm.

"No! We're not- I'm not!" I stumbled around for the right answer.

"We're friends," answer Crowley in monotone interrupting my blubbering.

"Ah, yes sorry about that," apologized the waitress as she left us be.

"Well... that happened," mumbled Crowley.

"It rather did," I answered as I quickly snapped my gaze down to the listing of different food items and beverages.

The waitress arrived with our drinks, mine being a cream tea and Crowley's a cup of coffee. Once we had ordered our meals... or I did anyway... we sat sipping our beverages.

"I'll be right back, I'll just pop out for a second," said Crowley, dismissing himself as he waltzed down the cafe isles and out the front door.

My eyes trailed to his cup of coffee and then to a salt shaker just off to the side of our table. An idea, a rare mischievous one filled my head.

Oh... what are you doing Aziraphale!? I exclaimed to myself in my head as I began reaching for the salt shaker.

My fingers moved to unscrew the cap and before I could talk myself out of it, the salt was already pouring into Crowley's cup of coffee.

I poured what was probably half of a salt shakers worth of salt into the drink as I quickly screwed the cap back on. Everything was placed into order just in time as I watched Crowley enter the Cafe once again.

He slouched back down into his seat as gave me a small smile and picked up his cup of coffee. I returned the smile, a feeling of excitement filling me as I sipped my tea, waiting for Crowley to make the move.

Finally, the cup reached his lips and he began drinking the coffee. After one gulp, Crowley slowly set the cup back down and stared at it, a slight hint of a frown evident on his lips.

I fought the urge to hide my smile as I watched Crowley struggle with his facial expression.

He then surprised me by continuing to drink the coffee which was clearly as salty as the sea. A moment passed of Crowley downing his drink as he finally set the now empty cup back down.

"I- you, that didn't taste weird did it...?" I asked through a stammer as my face etched into concern and bewilderment.

"It was a little on the salty side but I didn't want to hurt your feelings," answered Crowley as he wiped his mouth.

"O-oh..." I said struggling to keep myself together as I stared at my strange friend.