Unspoken Words

Para sa mga Kpop Fans at Wattpader

PARA SA MGA KPOP FANS AT WATTPADER

(I just want to release this emotion because it keeps on bugging me. I want to say these all while I'm still at it and I still have this sudden adrenaline rush before my mind blows like a mine bomb. Spare me with this.)

Kpop fan and wattpader. I am both. I stan a group named BTS and I'm a wattpad reader since 2012, since I was in sixth grade. I'm actually a fan of all genres. Well, especially fantasy and gangster stories. Being so, marami akong mga naririnig na offending words dahil sa habit na yon. First, being a kpop fan. I don't know. Hindi ko maintindihan why we have this kind of society who always belittle those people na sumusuporta sa idols nila. They always find it nonsense and unimportant. They always make fun of it as if it is something na hindi dapat siniseryoso. As if it was a bullshit crap. But hey, do they even realize kung anong sacrifices ang ginagawa ng mga kpop fans just to make their idols feel how much they admire them? The fans are the foundation and one of the biggest factors kung bakit naabot ng mga idols ang mga pangarap nila. Kpop fans made their idols' dreams possible. Do the society even see that? Of course they don't. Kung paanong sa simpleng panunuod sa mga concerts, pag-appreciate sa music nila, and pagsuporta namin sa kanila sa social media ay may mga pangarap na natupad. We are like parts of their puzzle of dreams who completed them. Pero anong nakukuha namin? They're making us feel that everything is useless, that all of those are just a wasteful use of time, money, and effort. I admit, during those times na hindi pa ako totally nadadala ng Korean wave, I can't also see the importance of being a fan. BUT, I never bashed them or go against their will. I was just amazed and curious. Then nung naging kpop fan ako, I realized how valid we are for the idols. I said to myself, 'Ah. These are all the reasons why.' Now everything made sense for me. They reached their dreams through us, and we build our dreams through them.

Being a wattpader. Iniisip ng iba na puro kalandian lang ang laman ng wattpad. Na mga hopeless romantic ang nagbabasa ng wattpad. That it's just a waste of time at wala ka namang makukuhang maganda dito. Hey, never underestimate the power of literature. Kahit anong mangyari, reading is still the best way to be literate. But how come people still find it useless when in fact, reading is the best way to learn? Someone once told me na ang taong mahilig magbasa ay laging maraming alam.

But here's the catch. Sa tingin nyo, bakit maraming kabataan ang nahuhumaling sa Kpop? Bakit maraming kabataan ang mas pinipiling magbasa ng wattpad kesa makipag socialize? Can you realize the similarities? Well, I can.
I'm a kpop fan because I see hope in them. This world is so cruel. Maraming issues ng suicides and depression sa mga youths and those are because of the cruel society. They don't feel important because the people around them never made them feel that they are. Marami silang mga pangarap na gustong abutin but the world is telling them to stop, that they're not enough for it.That they're not and will never be ready for it. Fake friends, unsupportive and unresponsive family, failed relationships, school where learning is a competition, and a society full of judgmental people. Those are what they have. Those are what WE have. Wala kaming mapuntahan. Para kaming nakakulong sa isang kwarto na puno ng kadiliman. It was so dark that we can't even see what's in it, what possible danger we could encounter. Hindi na namin makita ang ganda ng paligid, and even the beauty in ourselves. The darkness enveloped the whole place and we lost ourselves in the process as well. It was as if we were swallowed by the complete darkness.
Until one day, we saw hope. We saw a small beam coming from them out of the room full of darkness. As we take a step towards them, the light started to grow. Lumalaki ito ng lumalaki until the light totally consume the whole darkness. Dahil sa liwanag na yun, nakita naming muli ang ganda ng paligid, ang ganda sa mga sarili namin. Habang dumadami ang nakakaappreciate sa liwanag, it grows bigger and bigger. It grew big that the room can't contain it anymore. It's trying to escape from every aperture of the room. And with full of hope, setting aside the fear for what's waiting for us outside the safe haven we found, we opened the door. We opened the door of our hearts again to face what's waiting for us in the bigger world. The light guides us and gives us the courage to go along the dark path. Para bang sinasabi nito na okay lang ang lahat dahil nandito sila. Na hindi na kami muling madadapa at masasaktan dahil makikita na namin ang daan gamit ang liwanag na dulot nila. It was like being reborn. It was like living another life but this time, a life full of light, hope, courage, and love. They are that light. Sila yung munting liwanag na muling nagpalambot ng mga puso naming tila naging bato dahil sa mapait na karanasan. Sila yung bumuhay sa mga pangarap namin na pinatay ng malupit na mundo. Sila yung naging pag-asa namin na makakamit din namin ang mga pangarap namin dahil nagawa nila. They proved us that we can also be the best version of ourselves because they did. They are the living proof that nothing is impossible in this world. They made us see that like us, they also had their downfalls, their darkest times, and they were also sunken at their own pit. But they never gave up. They stood strong and managed to go against the flow of failure. They were just like us, but they were stronger. So we must also be. Because one failure should not define the end of the battle. We must retreat for a while but never stop fighting. We might be forged in fire but we should never stay on the heat. We must never feel pleasured for enduring the burning sensation of fire because we might be able to tone down the pain at the moment, but our body might reach its limit. We might not be able to feel the pain because of numbness but it doesn't mean that the pain doesn't exist at all. Sila ang nagpatunay sa amin ng mga bagay na yan. And personally, they mean a new life for me. They helped me to have another life, a better one, a better me. That's what fangirling means to me. It isn't a nonsense piece of shit. It is an act of giving myself a chance and find my way to survive.

Proceeding to being a wattpader. Here's the difference. I became a Kpop fan because I wanted to find hope. But I became a wattpad reader because I wanted to escape. At first, I just read because it's my passion. I love reading. But suddenly, while the reality is becoming unbearable to live with, I just found myself wanting to stay in my own fantasy. Inside the story, it was perfect. But outside of it, it was the complete opposite. It's far from what I called perfect. I can say that wattpad readers are somehow cowards. Why? Because we tend to escape from reality and choose to live in our own fantasies. But can you blame us? Who would want to live in this world where your flaws, mistakes, and imperfections are the only description they can give to your whole being? Where sometimes too much pain is fatal? In this world na nakakalimutan na lahat ng ginawa mong tama magkamali ka lang ng isang beses? In this world na walang puwang ang mga eksplanasyon mo dahil kahit kailan, talking back to someone older than you even if you only want to defend yourself from wrong accusations will always be just plain wrong? In this world where love can be bought, can be faked, and can be trade with any earthly things. Who would want to live in this fucked up world when there's a place that's a bit flawed but still feels perfect? Who would want to suffer from eternal pain when you have your ways to escape? Who would not want a perfect and ethereal fairytale story? It's hypocrisy if you would say you don't want that kind of manufactured life. That's how we, the wattpad readers, divert ourselves to escape and stay away from everything that's hurting us. Wattpad gave us the chance to feel the emotions that the real world never allowed us to have. Ito yung klase ng mundo na papangarapin mong sana meron ka pero ito din yung klase ng buhay na kahit kelan hindi mo makukuha. Why? Simply because it is too good to be true. Those were just made up stories, just plain fantasy. But what's the reason why people still choose to stay in this kind of place even if they knew that everything was just temporary, all manufactured, all man-made, even the emotions, they're all fiction. Everything isn't true. Why do we still choose to be there?
Simple. Because it's addictive. It's so addictive to have something so good. Dahil alam naming walang ganito sa totoong mundo. Na kahit paulit ulit kaming sinasampal ng katotohanan na fictional lang ang lahat, we don't care anymore. That's how toxic the world is for us. That's a way for us to ease the searing pain growing inside of us. But actually, wattpad isn't just an escape. It provides us new strategy, new tactics, and new mindset. Hindi walang kwenta ang pagbabasa. It is educational. Something that we can't learn from our academic textbooks. Yung kahit hindi totoo, kaya mo pa ring bigyan ng buhay sa imahinasyon mo. Nagagawa nitong buksan ang mga isip namin para sa mga bagay na hindi namin nakikita. Stories from wattpad are not all nonsense. Those are products of imagination, combined with personal experiences and emotions of the writer. Yung pinagsama-samang 'what if's' at 'sana' ng isang manunulat na binibigyang buhay sa loob ng malikhaing isip. That's why those are always effective. Madaling makarelate ang mga readers because we have the same what if's and sana's in our lives. We usually share the same feeling because we share the same battle. We are the same fictional protagonists of our own made up fantasies. That's the story behind me, or us, being wattpad readers.

So here's the similarity. The world was so cruel to the point that our minds had been clouded with darkness. Our ruthless world is the one driving us to be this way. We wanted to escape, to feel important even just a bit, and to find peace of mind. And, kpop and wattpad are the ones which gave us those kinds of satisfaction. It is so hard to be always compared. Nakakababa ng self-esteem. Palagi naming naririnig na dumating din sila sa puntong ito ng buhay namin but they never did the same mistakes. They were never as flawed as we are. Yes, their lives might be harder than ours but it doesn't mean that our lives aren't. Their lives might be hard but ours are complex. Madaling sabihin na masarap mabuhay sa panahon namin because we have the advance technology. But hey, it's about adaptation. You survived in your own lives because you adapt with the environment. We are striving to live and adapt our own environment but the advance technology you say made everything even more complicated. Yes, we may have been on the same phase, but we fight two different battles. You were in the same position as ours but never in the same situation. Please, be mindful of others' feelings. We have different levels of sensitivity. It might not be a big deal for you, but it could be for others. Be more sensitive.