No Secrets

Chapter Five

It's been months since the incident at Star Labs when I lost control. I haven't seen or heard from Barry since his little meeting with Leonard. I've stayed my distance from him, afraid that that monster will come out again. Every time I get angry it gets harder for me to control my powers. I find myself being the reasons for my nightmares now. Instead of the man in yellow, it's me. I'm the one haunting myself every time I close my eyes. I've tried to keep myself busy by doing heist with Leonard, using my powers as little as possible. We've been doing plenty of heist together, sometimes Lisa or Mick will tag along, but for the most part it's just us. Barry kept his promise and hasn't interfered and in return Lenny hasn't killed anyone. Lisa has been staying at the studio with me again, but Leonard tends to be there more often than Lisa actually is.

I walked into the studio, carrying a bag of Big Belly Burger. Lisa wasn't home so it was just me and Lenny. I walked upstairs to see him lying on the bed, reading a book. I sat down on the bed beside him, starting to pull food out of the bag. I handed him a thing of curly fries, reaching back into the bag and pulling out another thing of curly fries for myself.
"I got two curly fries this time so you won't-" I paused at the sight of Lenny pulling out a curly fry from mine, "eat any of mine." I continued, glaring at him.
"Where's the fun in that?" He smirked, causing me to roll my eyes.
    I pulled my burger out of the bag and started eating. I felt like I was being watched, I turned to see Lenny staring at me with a curious look on his face.
    "What?" I asked, with my mouth partly full from the burger.
        "Your nightmares are back." He stated, getting right to the point.
    "Were they ever gone?" I said in an annoyed tone.
    "But they're different. They're getting worse. What's changed?"
    "Since when do we talk about our feelings?" I said, hoping that would end the conversation.
    "Whatever's on your mind is making you distracted and that makes you a liability during a job. Someone could get hurt or caught if you're not focused! Now we can either talk about it and figure it out or I can get mick to help me with the next heist."
    I was silent, looking away from him to avoid eye contact.
    "Alright, I'll call Mick." He said pulling out his phone.
    "Don't." I said softly. I looked at him, he raised a brow waiting for me to continue. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Leonard saw this and his expression softened.
    "Is it still the man in yellow?"
    I shook my head, "No." I took a deep breath, "my nightmares are about myself. That night at Star Labs, if you didn't show up when you did, Barry would probably be dead. I lost control and every time I get angry I feel myself slipping further and further into that- that darkness. Now every time I close my eyes I'm the monster in my head, not the man in yellow anymore."
    "You're not a monster, Grace."
    "I would've killed him, Leonard!"
    "You don't know that." He tried to comfort me.
    "Yes I do! You didn't feel what I felt, Leonard! I wanted him dead, more than anything! I wanted him out of my life forever!" Tears started welling up in my eyes.
    "Grace, that wasn't you. You never saw yourself that night. You looked as if you were in a trance, like you lost yourself somehow. It wasn't you!"
    "And who's to say that won't happen again? What if next time I do actually kill someone? What if it's Barry or Lisa?" I paused, horrible scenarios filled my head, "What if it's you?" I said, barley getting the words out.
    He sat there, not knowing what to say. We finished the rest of our meal in silence. I laid back onto the bed, rolling over to my side. Lenny and I were face to face. He still looked like he wanted to say something but didn't know how. We laid like that for a moment until he got up. He grabbed one of my jackets and threw it onto my side.
    "Put that on, we're going out." He said.
    "To do what?"
    "To comfort you the only way I know how."
    "It's the middle of the day. Should we really be going to a bar right now?"
    He smirked, walking down the stairs. I put the jacket on and followed him.

    When we walked into the bar it was slightly depressing. It was dark and no one was inside except for us and one bartender. I walked up to the counter and ordered two beers. I turned around to see Lenny at a pool table.
    "Wanna play?" He asked as I walked over to him, handing him a beer.
    I shook my head, "I don't know how."
    "Come on, I'll teach you," he handed me a pool cue, "here, you can break. Just hit the white ball into the other ones."
    I took the pool cue from his hand, walking to the table. I stood awkwardly, aiming the cue at the ball. I hit the ball, causing it to catch air and roll to the side of the table, not even hitting one ball. Leonard let out a small laugh.
    "You're right, you don't know what you're doing," he smirked, grabbing the cue ball and putting it back in front of me on the table, "here," he stood directly behind me, placing his hands on top of mine and guiding them into the right position, "hold it like this," I could feel his breath on my neck, "aim for the center of the ball," he said, letting go of my hands and taking a step back.
    I hit the ball, causing it to slam into the others, making them ricochet all over the table. A striped ball went into the hole in the far corner of  the table.
    "I got one!" I yelled, more excited than I probably should've been. I turned around to face Lenny, pushing myself onto my toes, and giving him a quick kiss. I fell back onto the soles of my feet, both of us surprised by the kiss. We had never kissed in front of anyone before, or on purpose anyway. I turned my head shyly looking to see if the bartender had seen us. Leonard chuckled quietly.
    "Well, I guess I'm solids." He said, tilting my chin up and kissing me again. I kissed him back, this time not caring if the bartender saw or not. He warped an arm around my back, pulling me closer to him. Suddenly he pulled his lips away, with a curious expression on his face. He turned his head and smirked.
    "Well, well, well. If it isn't the scarlet speedster."
    Barry stood there with his head turned towards the wall, trying to hide the look of disgust on his face, "we need to talk." He sounded as if saying those words caused him pain.
    Leonard grabbed the pool cue from my hand and went back to playing, "you want anything? Beer, food? Pickled eggs here are fantastic."
    "No, I'm good. I need your help with a problem."
    "Must be pretty desperate to come asking for my assistance, but I'll bite. What do you need?" He handed me back the cue for my turn.
    "Help transporting some people out of the city."
    "How many?"
    "Five." Barry said distracting me, causing me to miss my shot.
    Leonard shifted his eyes towards me, "try again." He said to me.
    Barry continued, "five very bad, very angry people," he paused, looking at me, "who have powers."
    I stopped what I was doing, slamming the cue onto the table, glaring at Barry. I tried to keep my anger down, but I couldn't help but think that if he had the opportunity it would be six prisoners.
    "Powers, hmm?" Leonard ignored me, "So you want me to what? Freeze the problem? Protect you from them if anything goes wrong? First rule of business: always protect yourself. I'm not going to help usher your enemies out of town." Leonard said walking passed Barry. Barry turned, grabbing his arm.
    "Hey, they're not just my enemies, they're your enemies too."
    Seeing Barry grab Leonard made my anger boil up in my gut once more, some spilling out. My vision went red for a moment only to be brought back by Leonard voice.
    "Grace!" He slapped the table, bring me out of my angered state. Barry had let go of Leonard's arm and was now holding the sides of his head. Barry slowly lowered his arms and looked at me, a look of fear shown on his face.
    Leonard looked back at Barry, "I doubt it!"
    "They will destroy Central City."
    "It's not my problem."
    "You said that you love it here, that this is your home."
    "I do and it is," Leonard said angrily, facing Barry.
    "Well guess what, these people get loose there won't be a city to love anymore. You won't be able to rob anyone if everyone's dead."
    "It's a compelling argument." Leonard shrugged, walking over to a table, "but if I'm going to help you out... I'll need something in return." He scribbled something on a napkin.
    "Like what?"
    "This." He scooted the napkin forward.
    Barry chuckled. He looked up at Leonard, "No. This is impossible. I can't do that."
    "Then I can't help you."
    "There has to-," Barry started to yell, but then he paused looking at me, "Snart, there has to be something you want that I can get."
    Leonard was quiet for a moment, then finally spoke, "let me think about it." He turned to me, pointing to the door with a tilt of his head and then turned, walking out. I walked after him.
    "Grace," Barry whispered causing me to glance at him, "please talk to him. Get him to-"
    "Let's not act like I wouldn't be the sixth prisoner if you had the chance. I see how you can barely look at me and when you do, you look at me like I'm some kind of monster." I cut him off. He looked down at the table, saying nothing. I walked out the front door after Leonard.
When I got outside Leonard was leaning against the front of the building, waiting for me. I quickly walked passed him towards the direction of the studio, my body still filled with rage.
"Why the rush?" I could almost hear Leonard's smirk.
I stopped walking, turning around to face him, "You're not actually going to help him are you? He's going to let five people rot in an illegal prison somewhere for the rest of their lives because they have powers! Who's to say next week it won't be me he's trying to get out of the city!"
"Of course not, I'm going to make sure his plan fails," he smiled, "but if I can get team flash to do something for me, I'm going to let them." I smiled at him. He put his arm around my shoulder and we walked back to the studio.