Story of A Lonely Guy

Chapter Ten: Fault

The next day I woke up and had no intention of going to school, but then all my panic and anxiety caught up with me. To which I realized I had no room to stay out of school again. After a quick shower and a change into a tight-fitted black shirt, I threw on my grey beanie and headed downstairs to "greet" my not so polite father.

He's at the dining room table when I round the corner into the foyer. He doesn't even look up when I reach the kitchen for a cup of coffee. The tension is unbearable but I pretend as if it's not there. Just as I'm about to leave the kitchen and head off to school, he says something to me.

"You know, sometimes I think of her when I look at you.” His remains buried in the newspaper.

I refuse to turn around. I keep walking as if I never heard anything at all. I slam the door behind me. What kind of father makes an ass out of himself the day before and then has the nerve to bring it right back up the next morning? Apparently mine.

~

Seen as how Jade is still not conversing with me, I take the bus. Avoiding Radian and every other incompetent idiot on the bus’ existence is practically an instinct now. When we get to school, I spot Jade sitting on top of her car talking to some guy. Jealousy stirs inside me. I push it down. I walk straight to the door without looking back. I feel her staring me down from behind.

Heading off to French IIII, I run into Angela.

"What a surprise. Hey, handsome. Having a good day?” she asks me, reaching for my hand.

I veer off of Jade because she claims that she's no good for me to be around, that I've found higher class. "The usual. And you, beautiful?"

She looks up at me and says, "Amazing. Just as soon as we get out of this hell hole. We have business to attend to."

I start walking slower as she quickens her pace. "Angela, you mustn't understand. I can't miss another day of school. Would you like to attend detention with me? I don't think so."

She lets go of my hand and looks at me sincerely, seductively. "I thought you'd want to protect me though, stud." I let go of her hand. I look to the floor, anger steadily rising up.

"Oh, come on. She was nothing. A spec in the universe unworthy of your time. But me on the other hand...” She pulls me to her by my red flannel, acting as if she'll kiss me. Right there in the middle of Craten High School. But then she stops, leaning down to whisper something in my ear.

"I can give you everything you'd ever want,” she says, dropping it on me just as lightly as a feather. She playfully bites my ear and pulls away. I look up into her eyes and see a reflection: Jade. I quickly turn around, spotting her sporting her favorite beanie, leaning up against the blue lockers. Her eyes are brimming with tears as she darts the other way, pushing her way through the slowly growing crowds.

"Jade! Wait!" I call after her.

"Come on. You know she isn't worth it. Don't be stupid. She-"

"You know what, Angela? Shut the hell up. Just leave me alone. Go do whatever fucking business you had. I could care less right now."

A pained expression crosses her face, as if someone has stabbed her repeatedly. She recovers quickly and her playful expression appears once again. Somehow, she thinks this is a game.

"Alright, stud,” spitting out the word.

"I'll call you tonight. Better scurry on before you're late to class." She then walks by me and out the school doors. I don't wait another second before darting up the steep steps to find French.

I make it with seconds to spare.

~

That afternoon, I'm on my way home with Of Mice & Men's newest song, Second & Sebring playing the loudest my phone will reach. I tap my jeans to the beat of the drums. It's the only song I can reach on a deep level. Both Austin and I's mother past of the same disease. Just like him, I want to make her proud. Show her what I've become and what I will become. Hopefully, I won't be a monster anymore.

Just as I'm passing Mrs. Arters, I see her wave at me politely and beckon me to come say hello. I just yell back that I've got things to do, but maybe tomorrow. She nods and returns to her calendulas. In the midst of walking home, I can't help but think of Angela. She's selfish, rude and arrogant. But, she somehow keeps pulling me to her. Like a magnet in a way. No matter what she does to piss me off, I just want more of her. She's a seductive drug. A drug my mind has become accustomed to.

When I reach the house, Dad is nowhere to be seen. I think nothing of it. I start for the kitchen for some coffee before heading upstairs to finish up American Government. Essays are such a pain in the ass. I plop down on my bed and unlock my phone, finding one text from Jade and two from Angela.

Jade: Hope you've enjoyed your time with me. Glad to know I was just a spec in the universe.

Angela: hey, handsome. Sorry about earlier. Anyways, I’m heading to a friend’s tonight. come if you'd like, starts at 11.

Angela: you coming or what? Replies would be nice sometimes.

It seems to me that all she does is party, get herself mixed up with drugs, and insult practically everything I'm known for. A week or so ago she told me vintage was ratty and cliché. Vintage is everything I know. She expects me to just change for her, but she's quite wrong, I'll tell you that.

                I set my phone down on the night stand after deciding to ignore both of them when I see my photo of Jade and I back in freshman year. We went down to the river and caught crawdad. Jade didn't think too much of the current and believed she had the power to swim upstream. As she fell back with the water acting against her, I wrapped her in my arms and held her close to me so neither of us were pulled under the current. The water that day was freezing, as it was getting close to spring still ending. So, if you can imagine, the river was still pretty damn cold. It was worth it though. Every minute of it.

Feelings begin to rush and collide inside me. Once again, I push it down. I mean, after all. She's no good for me. Right? Just a spec in the universe.