Story of A Lonely Guy

Chapter 27: Problematic

She looks at me as I speak and I know what she's thinking-I'm overreacting. People come in and out of the shop and I watch as they go, trailing off in my words and bursting with anger seconds later. Jade holds my hands, playing with my trembling fingers.

"Why are you so angry? You can't be mad at him for being sick. You can't blame Angela's," Jade says cringing at the sound of her name whilst rubbing her arms, "-uncle for cleaning himself up. He's only human."

"He was just on drugs. High as a plane and now he's all sobered up? There's no way. He was delirious when we went to see him. He could hardly take care of himself-"

"People can't fix themselves. But maybe he's pulling his life together."

"Or, maybe Angela's been scheming. It's like she has eyes all over town and I'm the oblivious victim. I'm being watched everywhere, Jade."

"Now, hold on. She's sleazy and maybe a bit knocked in the head but she's not that crazy," she tells me rolling her eyes at the pronunciation of the word 'that'.

"And you think Joel is?" She doesn't answer. The woman calls out our order and Jade stands to go get it. I reach for her and pull her back down. "I'll get it, babe." I start for the counter to pick them up.

"You alright there, Hun? Seem a bit tense," the handler says to me. The roots of her hair are trickling with gray and her face is worn down to bone, her cheekbones high and mighty on her face.

"Oh, yeah. Just feeling a bit paranoid," I answer, reaching for the mugs as I do.

"Are you sure you don't want any tea? We've got some that could relax you a little, make you a little more comfortable?" she offers up.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you though, ma'am." She nods her head, a flash of worry crossing in her eyes and in the movements of her lips. People in this town are too willing to help. Even older woman are kind to me when all I am is crazed. I sit back down beside Jade, handing the mug to her, cautious of spilling the drink. Holding it to her lips, I watch her hands slowly wrap around it.

I turn my head slightly so I have a better view of the street. I look for little details I don't normally notice, if only to keep my mind from straying. At first there's not much to see until my eyes adjust to the scene and just the way a microscope clears the fuzziness, so does my vision. I notice the dandelions in between the cracks guiding down to the street from the sidewalk. I find that posters inside the windows of shops are peeling back at the edges, clinging almost desperately to the window.

I see that the mechanical crosswalk buttons have worn down to nothing and the electrical wiring has finally given way, leaving no help to cross the street. I notice the lack there of spiraling colors down the streets of our town. Light poles have not been spun with gold like a swindle and few windows of shops have decorated. The town feels apathetic. On the inside of the window of this café, I can just barely see fingerprints lining the sides, possibly from people searching for leverage to stand. When I look back towards Jade I feel her eyes like daggers. She was silent all while I let my mind play a game of I Spy.

"You good, love?" she says to me, rubbing my back. I watch the steam rise from her cup, watching the way the heat rises like the smoke of a fire and disperses into the air.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe I just needed some time away from the house. I've got the rest of Christmas break to figure things out. I think I can make it until I head off to Columbia College in Illinois, hopefully."

"Illinois? You never said anything to me about this..." she says baffled by my words.

"I thought I would wait a bit. I'm thinking of applying there. Maybe go for music or art. It's a long shot but I figured I love music and things from the past so much I might go into that field." She looks at me like I've said the craziest thing. I've thought about submitting an application, but if I plan to I need to get ahead of the bull.

"Well, that's great. Maybe you've found your calling. But, why did I never know anything? I've never even seen any letters or any resumes in your room. It's like, it's a random decision."

"I've been thinking about it for a while, actually. I'll most likely spend the rest of break working on the final results of my resume and I'll start sending out applications and although it's a little late I think I've got a chance," I say, giddy with anticipation but still in doubt. It's the first I've even spoke of it. I've had thoughts but now I'm really considering the school.

"Well...?" Jade looks away from me, her eyes filling with tears.

"It's a little far but it's not all the way to the coast, you know?" I gulp down half of my drink.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm sure it'll all work itself out. You're getting ahead of the game and with your grades and your GPA I think... I think you'll make it." She looks at me then, forcing herself to smile despite her sadness caused by my leaving in just a few months. I lean towards her, letting my lips loiter in the space between hers and mine the way delinquents do. I bring my hand to her cheek, pushing her auburn hair behind her pink ears. I've made her nervous. I lean a bit further and kiss her lightly, our lips meeting in the perfect way of parallelism. I move away quickly, being that we are in a public place. A young woman a few seats down grins towards me before she shakes her head.

Jade drapes her arms over my shoulders before encasing my upper body completely. Immediately I hug her back, burying my chin into the crook her neck, smelling her perfume slightly as I do. My hand glides up and down her back, and I whisper words of security, of stability. 'We're going to make it,' and, 'you'll make it, I swear.' I feel her chest tighten under me; she's clutching her pain by the throat and she's holding it hostage. I pull away.

I lock my eyes with hers. "I'll be right here. My Dad will get better. Angela will be out of our lives. We will finish high school and we won't let anything, and I mean anything, stop us."

She stares into my blue eyes and I see the trails left by tears down her cheek, glistening in the sun's last of the morning minutes. Wiping them away, she tells me, "Let's get out of here. You should check in on your dad." I nod.

As we make our way through the brightly decorated café, I yell to the woman behind the counter, "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, ma'am!" A bell above me dings as I make way through the harsh blows of the wind.

~

The car rattles with the roughness of the road and the sound of rocks hitting the car follows like a foreshadowed storm down the roads home. My thoughts are intrusive, persistent. I let them out into the open air.

"What are you guys doing for Christmas? I ask Jade from the passenger seat.

"Nothing big," she says unenthusiastically. "I'm guessing neither are y'all?"

"You got it." I present her with a thumbs up and look down to check my phone distractedly.

"Well, seen as how the town is forlorn I'll be sitting in like usual. My dad has this town's military meeting so he'll be gone until late. Yours?" she asks, knowing there's not much to say, but asking anyway.

"He's sick, and I doubt he even knows Christmas is tomorrow. He's preoccupied and distraught as it is." My eyes follow the curves of the road, watching the streaks of yellow and white paint on the pavement.

"He'll get better, B. If all else fails we'll get him help," she responds, trying to reassure me of the unavoidable.

"Yeah, sure..." My words fall away and my thoughts collect into a ball of yarn, rolling and unraveling until I can't sort them back out so I just let them stay. My life is problematic at best and there's no way I can unravel the damage.