𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓁 // BL

𝘔𝘪𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 (𝘟𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝)

"I just can't do this."

     I was sitting, staring blankly at the man splayed out before me on the bench when I heard her say those words. When I turned to look at her, I saw that her eyes were full of tears. Her hand was still gripping the phone tightly like it was her life source.

"I've never seen you act like this Xave. I don't know whats gotten into you."

I listened to her blankly, unable to meet her eyes. I could see her bottom lip quivering, and I noticed that her fist was tightly clenched. She was speaking, but my head felt like it was underwater. Her voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away. All I could hear was the steady thumping of my slowing heart beat.   ....thump    thump   thump....... I didn't know where else to look, so I let my gaze fall back to the mans peaceful face. I stared at him, and somewhere in the rising and falling of his chest it struck me that I couldn't remember what color his eyes were. I was always taught that when you're talking to someone, it's good to notice the color of their eyes because it makes you look really focused.

I guess we weren't really having a conversation though. I'm not sure why it even matters to me.

  "Everything was going fine! We were having the perfect day until you ruined it."  Out of the corner of my vision, I see her use the side of her palm to wipe her eyes. She's crossing her arms now, and I can tell she has more to say.

But now it's my turn to talk.

     "no." I say quietly. I see her hair move back, and I know she has turned to face me. "Excuse me?" she says, barely even audible. I take it as my opportunity to meet her steady gaze. Green. Her eyes are like Sea glass. I take a deep shaky breath and lean my shoulders back. Right now they're broken.....tiny pieces of shattered sea glass, like the type you get stuck in your foot when you're walking along the beach shore at night.

"I said no, Steph. Everything's not going fine." She falls silent, staring at me like I'm some sort of weird alien. Staring through me, like I'm not even really there and I'm another bothersome thing that will vanish if she just ignores it. I'm not sure I'm even being heard, but I continue.

     "You didn't say "I love you" that night.' I say softly. 'You never even acknowledged what I said, and there's just been this elephant in the room for the past week that we keep pretending isn't even there. You're studying abroad Steph, I get that. But I just get this feeling that there's more you aren't telling me. We NEED to talk about this" She doesn't say anything for a long time. She doesn't meet my eyes, nor does she uncross her arms but I just wait. My gaze never leaves her for a moment.

After a long beat, she takes a deep breath and finally looks at me. her eyes are glassy with tears.

     "I just....It's.....' Her mouth is gaping as she struggles to find the words. "I don't know what our future looks like. I don't like the idea of doing long distance because I want a boyfriend I can always SEE, you know?" She fiddles with her hands, her voice rising as she continues "A-and I know we could face time... or whatever but its just not the same and-" She bites her lip, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I'm not just...going for the semester."

My entire world stops.

     I open my mouth. I have so many questions, What do you mean? How long are you going to be gone?

Why didn't you tell me this sooner?

I sat in a shocked silence. Instead of elaborating further  she just lets out a sound of frustration and walks away. I immediately stand, going to follow her, console her--just ANYTHING to build a bridge between us. But she stops. And she looks at me.

"Don't follow me, I.......I can board the plane by myself.  Plus he needs someone to stay with him.....it's the least you can do."

Her words sting, but I only nod. Theres a lump of grief in my throat, and I'm afraid if I speak my voice will sound weird.

"My plane leaves in 4 hours so...I guess this is our goodbye.' Thats the last thing she said to me. She smiled weakly

But it didn't quite reach her eyes.

***

"She's not coming." I say stoically as we march through the rain.

"Oh" is all he says. Then, after a moment he sheepishly adds, "Hey I'm Kace by the way." I bite my cheeks to keep from laughing at how ridiculous this situation is.  I just almost choked this guy out, my girlfriend just probably left me forever, and now I'm like Hey! I know I just almost killed you or whatever but do you wanna go get some coffee?   I snort loudly at my own thoughts, massaging the bridge of my nose again to fight an oncoming stress migraine.

"I'm Xavier." I say dryly, without even turning to face him.

***

When we get to the café, I am immediately greeted by the familiar smell of coffee grinds. Kace follows me in, looking around curiously. There are a lot of college students in here today, most of them sipping lattes and frantically typing away at they're laptops for some paper they're probably writing last minute. And then there are the hipsters, In black hats, beanies, piercings and tan jeans, all milling around the place like they own it. Theres a solo guitarist sitting up on the stage, playing some sad indie song while a woman with a tambourine wails along with him.

      With a slight smirk, I lean towards Kace and ask, "You ever been here before?"
He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. "Actually no. I mean, you'd think since I live right up the street from here I would've visited at least once or twice but....guess I just don't get out that much." He looks around in bewilderment. Suddenly the thought strikes me. His eyes! I never figured out what color his eyes were. I know it isn't that important but by now it's bugging me. As if he's heard my thoughts, he glances up at me.

His eyes are brown. No, hazel? No definitely brown. But they're so light, so innocent. I can see the Christmas lights that they've strung all over the place reflected in his gaze, and in a blink of his feathered lashes I realize that I'm probably staring.

"Sorry, that probably sounded pathetic." He laughs nervously, putting a hand behind his neck as a pink blush spreads across his cheeks. "I get out of the house sometimes, like I don't just stay in my house all day or anything that's really weird I mean who would—" I blink quickly as I listen to him ramble and I fight back a smile, secretly just relieved that I hadn't come across as creepy.
"No no, I get what you mean. One hundred percent." I say quickly. He laughs, and it's one of the most wonderful sounds I think I've ever heard. I look away from him, feeling my face grow hot. These problems with Stephanie are really getting to me. That's probably why I....I mean I'm probably just relieved to have someone to talk to. This is nothing.

I clear my throat.

"We should probably find somewhere to sit."

________________________________

Hey so idk what's going on. I was typing this on my computer and then it kicked me off and said my page and my story didn't exist. On my phone it's still working so fingers crossed.

Idk what's happening and I'm freaking out. Some people are still seeing these and some people say my page is completely gone. If this page disappears for you PLS check my TikTok and insta for updates; Insta is @lijah_fang (ofc lol)

And if you have any idea what's going on help DX

Sorry about all this<3