CALL ME BACK? || Noah Centineo AU (3rd Book)

E I G H T E E N

Valerie :

I sighed when it was 10 am and Noah was still laying in his bed. He hasn't left that bed in days, only to go to the bathroom and drink water.

We are in this beautiful hotel he booked and he hasn't left that bed since that night, since he said he was done fighting for us. W what he meant? He was gonna let himself drown in the depression he never allowed himself to have before because of me.

Dumpy was laying down next to him, the puppy cuddling as close as possible to his body. Noah's eyes closed as he was sleeping on his side. A frown on his face. I hated to be the reason for that frown.

I sighed and took one of the key cards and walked outside in a pair of sweats and one of Noah's t-shirts,I wanted to scream in frustration because I didn't want to see him like this, he never got like this before, I didn't know what to do to fix him. He promised to fix me and I was the one who ended up breaking him. He has helped me to through with the grief, and I feel so much better, but I never showed that to him as much.

I walked to the hotel restaurant, there was a huge buffet. So many things to chose from that it even made me sick. I didn't want to eat, the smell of food making me nauseous, but I needed Noah to eat something, anything. I grabbed to plates and put some eggs, bread and fruit. Two orange juices and then I grabbed a tray to take it all upstairs with me. I sighed heavily, this wasn't how this vacation should've gone and it's my fault. I had a dream, a stupid dream and I had to snap at him when he literally didn't do anything.

When I came back to the room. Noah was awake. His eyes were fixed to the ceiling and on hand behind his head, and the other was petting Dumpy's back, it would've been cute if he wasn't ignoring me. I haven't hear a word from him in days.

I walked to the bed and left the tray where he wasn't laying and I sat down. Looking at him. He looked at me for a few seconds, glaring at me. He looked angry, but most of all, sad. I cleared my throat and looked away, not being able to bare his look on me, what have I done to his pure and beautiful soul?

"y-you need to eat something. You have barely eaten anything these days" I whisper and he ignores me, taking his eyes away from me and looking again at the ceiling. I sigh and bite my lip. I take the juice in my hands and place it in front of him.

"at least the juice, you haven't drink anything either" he looked at the glass with a frown, I still held it in front of him, he shook his head "drink. It." I said sternly. He groaned and sat up taking the glass harshly from my hands and drinking all of it in just a few seconds. He didn't even cough or breathe or anything.

"happy?" he finally spoke. His voice was so deep and husky, he hasn't spoken in days and this is the first thing he says. All of that while glaring at me.

I nod and then sigh. I know what he's feeling. I've felt it. I hadn't eaten, left my bed or talk for days back then, but i didn't think he'd end up doing it. He seemed much stronger than me.

"the house insurance called..." I told him. His phone has been dead for 3 days, he hasn't even cared about plugging it to the charger. "the house is ready, the glass, the furniture, everything..." he looked at me and nodded closing his eyes and laying down with the duvet up to his chest. He took a deep breath like everything I said annoyed him and he was holding himself from saying something hurtful.

"good for them" he simply answered and I sighed taking the tray of food off from the bed and placing it on the desk, so I could lay down, I looked up at the ceiling as well.

"do you want us to go back home?" I whisper softly trying to move closer to him. He doesn't pull away but it's like my proximity doesn't even faze him. I hate this version of him. Now I know what he meant last night.

"I don't care" he shrugged and I sighed laying down like he does and looking at the ceiling.

"do you hate me?" I whisper and he sighs shaking his head. "I am a fuck up... instead of letting you help me, I brought you down with me" my voice is starting to get shaky and Noah turned around facing me. The anger in his eyes was gone.

"no" was his short answer. I sighed and bit my lip when was this attitude going to end?

"do you not love me anymore?"

"I've never stopped loving you..." he frowns and I sigh looking down. The silence is killing me and I wish i knew the right words to say

"you said I was not the Valerie you loved..." I mumble with the little strenght I have left.

"you'll always be my Valerie... But..." he sighed again "you're hard to deal with and it's just exhausting. To give and give and give and never get anything in return. When I thought I made progress, you found a way to push me away..." his brown eyes look dull as he looks away from me and then back to the ceiling again.

"I love you Noah, I'm so sorry for the way I've been acting all these months, I always acted like I'm the only one who lost a baby, and you did too, and I'm so selfish.." I'm crying again. Noah's brows are furrowed and he just laid on his side as he studies my crying face. I wish he'd hug me to comfort me, but he's done that so many times before, and know he doesn't want to, he is done with me.

I take a deep breath to stop my tears. Noah looks at me still emotionless. What did I do? How could I destroy such a beautiful soul?

"umm.. I'm gonna pack our things so we ca go home tomorrow, is that okay?" I try to ask softly and Noah simply doesn't respond and I take that as a yes and I walk to the closet as I start putting all of our things inside our bags. Noah just takes the duvet over his head and stays in bed pretending to be asleep or just wanting to stay in bed like I've done so many times before. Dumpy is scratching the door and I sigh taking his leash, putting some sneakers and leaving the room with him so he can pee and walk for awhile.

I'm just lost. I don't know what do to or how to deal with this, I can't help him when I can't even help myself . Maybe I should just take us both to therapy, the group therapy he's been begging me to go to. It helped him so much, maybe it can help him after this relapse. Maybe it can help me help him.