s e l f i s h

t w o

m a t t h e w ' s p o v

when the counselors told us we had to go to bed everyone left. my roommate's asleep while i was awake thinking about that girl. i just couldn't get her out of my mind. something made me drawn to her. no matter how rude or distant she was to me or anyone. there's just something about her that i admire.

i was staring at her durring the firepit. the way her hair falls perfectly on her shoulders. her voice sounded like a song and her laugh was so contagious. you could hear it forever and never get tired of it. also don't even get me started on her smile. the way the reflection of the flames brightened her skin. her rosy cheeks. her piercing green eyes flowed with the little wrinkles she got when she smiled super big. she also had dimples in the little corner of her mouth. she was beautiful. but her personality just didn't add up. maybe she was gaurding herself or she was just being a bitch to me.

i wish i could tell my dad about this. maybe he'd know what to do. me and my dad were never really close. but he's always doing business stuff and leaving. i never get see nor talk to him that much. it hurts not knowing where he is all the time and knowing he's not coming back anytime soon. he's only made it to one birthday and four Christmas' and that was when i was younger. him and my mom have become distant from one another. i know it hurts her just as much as me. but dad never seemed to care. he never made time to talk to us, see us, or check up on us. it's like he's not apart of our lives and doesn't care until he gets home. i wouldn't even be surprised if he's screwing around with other girls behind my moms back. he could leave us for all i care.

i felt a sting in my eye as a tear falls down the side of my face as i was laying on my back. i quickly wiped it away. whenever i think of my dad it hurts. my heart becomes heavy knowing that he's never coming home. i say never because it feels like never. when he is home it's just for a couple of days. it hurts to know i'll never have that special father and son bond. i silently cried while thinking about him and my family. my mom is a strong hardworking women. she works a good job that helps us live. once in awhile my dad would lend us money but it's very rare. i have a younger sister that looks up to me and goes to me for help. i'm the only one really home all the time. so i'm the only one she can really turn to.

after awhile of trying to sleep and listening to the quiet, i couldn't take it anymore. i got up out of my sleeping bag and walked outside. i put a heavy flannel on and sat down on the board that's connected to the inside of the tent. while sitting there i looked up at the sky. the stars were shining bright tonight and i couldn't help but look around my surrounding.

everything was dark and quiet. no one was awake and i looked down at my watch. it read 1:13 am. i gave out a long sigh while leaning back and closing my eyes taking in the summer night air. it's a little cold but not bad. i sat there for a bit thinking everything over.

the one girl i like doesn't like me. i'm so used to girls throwing themselves at me and leaving them the next day. but she doesn't. i'm confused as to why but at the same time i'm thankful. i hate my reputation and i hate who i've become. everyone sees me as the fuck boy who can get with any girl they want. it seemed fun while it lasted but i'm sick of it. no one likes me for who i am. they only like me for their amusement.

i opened my eyes staring at the sky. i listened to the crickets and frogs chirping. oh how i wish i had a normal life. a happy family that spends time together, a real relationship where they like me for me, and friends that don't ask me what i did the night before.

i heard someone coming out of their tent. i looked around and noticed it was the girl. she looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep. her hair was in a messy ponytail like it was earlier, she was wearing a yellow sweatshirt that said 'michigan' on it, and leggings. i forgot her name but i know it was something interesting. she sat down like i was at her tent and seemed to be in the same state i am. i questioned if i should go over. slowly i got up and walked towards her. her head snapped up when i got close to her.

"hey sorry i scared you," i whispered inching towards her.

"what are you doing up?" she asked. her face was a little paler then earlier, probably because she was tierd and her eyes looked a little puffy and red.

"i could ask you the same thing." i said sitting down.

"well did i ask you to come sit with me?" dang this girl is stubborn.

"no, but i was-" she cut me off before i could finish

"then why are you here?"

"because i thought why not? it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone."

"well find someone else to talk to." she says snapping her head back forward. i just sat there in silence until she broke it.

"well?"

"i'm sorry, i'll go." i say in a defeated voice. all i want to know is why she has a guard up? why won't she let me have a full on conversation with her? what did i ever do to her?

these questions were running through my head as i walked back to my tent. once i got there i looked back too see her staring at the ground. i sighed while slipping into the tent. slowly i got into my sleeping bag making sure i didn't make too much noise. it took me awhile of tossing and turning before i finally allowed myself to drift off to sleep.

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word count~1093