s e l f i s h

f o u r

"group b wake up! we're leaving in 20 minutes!" of course. that was our wake up call. they couldn't say it a little different each morning? like hey it's breakfast time. i rubbed my eyes while sitting up. i looked over to see haley still asleep. telling me she is not a morning person. but i don't mind. i got dressed in an adidas tank top, nike pro shorts and my sneakers. i did the same routine as yesterday and woke up haley so she can get dressed and left to brush my teeth.

"i'll go brush my teeth with you." matt says walking towards me. i huffed. why does he want to hang out with me so much? doesn't he get the feeling i don't want him around me.

"fine just don't bug me. i am not a morning person and i don't want anything to do with you." i say walking towards the shower house. i saw him do a little dance and walk with me. for the most part it was quiet, it was quite strange for me that he could stay that quiet for so long.

"so how are you liking camp?" he says dragging his sentence on. i rolled my eyes and said a small 'fine'. we reached the shower house and brushed our teeth quickly going back to the campsite to leave.

"everyone here?" the counselors asked. we counted to know everyone's there and left towards the diner. i was walking with the girls while the guys were walking together. we talked amoungst each other even though we all were still half asleep. we did the same thing as yesterday this morning with a different sing along and different stretches.

they let us inside the diner to eat. i sat in the middle of haley and you guessed it, matt. he was always by my side. he's like a tick and won't get off no matter how hard you try to get him off.

"tomorrow's our last day." he mentions trying to spark a conversation. i just don't understand why he wants to talk to me that much. or why he's trying so hard.

"yep." i say. not even looking over at him. haley was smirking at me. i rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"you excited?"

"yea."

"what are you doing the rest of the summer?"

"nothing."

"nothing? now that's boring, you must be doing something interesting."

"nothing that should concern you."

"i was just wondering. why are you being so cold today?"

"i'm just not in the mood."

"you must never be in the mood then."

"what's that supposed to mean." that's when i turned my head towards him.

"nothing you're just always cold with you answers."

"ok." i say turning back around. haley was resting her chin on her hand while watching in amusement. i glared at her and she smiled.

"see. that's what i mean." he says in defeat. i can tell everyday he's starting to get mad at me about the way our conversations go. but i really could care less. i'm not going to see him after tomorrow so why should i? he won't bother me anymore and he'll go back to breaking girls hearts like he usually does.

"why does it matter so much to you. if anything you should just stop talking to me because nothings going to change my answers or the way i talk to you." i say. he looked a bit hurt but that's usually how he looks talking to me.

"maybe because i care and know something's bothering you."

"well stop caring." i was mad at this point. he didn't have the right to say that and i'm not taking it. i've given up with his attitude and i'm so done with him. i just want to go back with my dad and hang out with him. i want my mom back. i wish i never met kyle.

"fine. you selfish bitch." he said in defeat and turned the other way. the last part he said quietly and almost barely audible. but i still heard it and it hurt a bit. i looked at haley and saw she had sorrow in her eyes. i gave her a soft smile while there were tears in my eyes. i got up and headed towards the bathroom. haley got up with me and followed me.

"he knows nothing about me. why would he say that." i say to haley as soon as i got into the bathroom.

"it's ok hun. he didn't mean it."

"then why did he say it! the fact that he said it makes me mad and the fact he doesn't know anything about me."

"he was just worried."

"well he doesn't have to be." i say. she looks taken a back by my out burst. "i'm sorry."

"what's wrong. i have a feeling matt isn't wrong when he said you have something bothering you." she said.

"i'll tell you about it later. just remind me." i say. she nods her head and i wipped my tears away. i splashed a hand full of water on my face to wake up and made sure it didn't look like i was crying. we left the bathroom and went back to our seats.

we all ate breakfast then went out to do some more activities. today we weren't doing very much. we were going to tell a story about us and other things that aren't too bad. matt hadn't talked to me all day and didn't sit down next to me during lunch. i kind of felt bad and missed his voice. but it's what i asked for so i wasn't complaining. while waiting until it was time to go to dinner we went back to the campsite to hang out. i went to my tent with haley trailing behind me.

"alright tell me why you're so mean to him." she says, i looked at her confused until i realized what she was talking about.

"oh you remembered." i said nervously.

"yea, i just want to know it's not much." she says.

"i know but... i just- i cant. it's not that easy." i sighed looking down.

"it's ok i get it. you can tell me whenever you're ready. it must be really hard." she says. i looked up and gave her a small smile.

"you sure?"

"yea. i'm not going to push you to tell me something you're not ready to talk about. especially to someone you just meet two days ago." she says. we both chuckled and i looked over at her and smiled.

"thank you. i hope we can keep in touch. i feel like i can trust you." she smiles and hands me over her journal they gave us.

"write down your number and i'll text you later." she says. i smiled and nodded while writing my number down. i handed it back and we left the tent to hang out outside. all the other girls were out there and we just hung out and talked to each other about everything we could think about.

"alright guys let's go down. we're also going to have a ceremony after so we won't be back until late." the counselors told us. we all nodded and headed towards the diner.

when we got inside the dinning hall matt sat next to me this time. he didn't talk to me but atleast he wasn't as mad at me to not sit next to me. something about his presence makes me feel calm. i shouldn't feel that way. but i can't help it. i don't know why i feel that way but him being there next to me make me feel calm and that things will get better.

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