s e l f i s h

f i v e

it was raining outside when we finished dinner. so we did our ceremony inside. they had us go outside under the porch so they could get the inside ready. as we were standing outside with one another the girls were talking about a guy in there that they find cute. i just don't understand why or how they could. all guys want is your body and nothing else.

after awhile for what seemed like hours they allowed us back into the diner ready for the ceremony. we all sat with our groups and the director of the camp started the introduction. he went over the basic thank yous of coming to the camp and allowing them to keep the camp going.

"so now what we're going to do is watch a little something we put together for you guys. it is your guys' week in review and to see how far you've come since you've first stepped foot here." he said taking a step back. the tv that was hung up turned on and on screen they were playing a video. all of us was in it and it was very nice. it showed all of us doing the different activities. some we did and some we didn't do with our groups. after the little film was over we all applauded.

"so now what we'll be doing is giving credit towards our counselors for giving up their time to come out here with you guys and work with you..." he proceeded to go on. basically he was bring people up, stating their names and how long they've been apart of the camping era. this went on for awhile and i was getting tired. i turned to my left and saw haley. i leaned over to her ear.

"do you mind if i rest my head on your shoulder?" i whispered to haley. she looked like she was about to fall asleep too. she shook her head 'no' and i rested mine on her shoulder. soon she placed hers on top of mine.

"we're going to pass out these candles. what you're going to do is light someone else's either beside you, behind you, or in front of you." he says. the candles were getting passed out while the director lite up the main one which had stickers on it of the design from previous years. we all had gotten candles and people were lighting them up. the person in front of me lit mine up and i lit haley's up for her.

"now we're going to have a moment of silence and just take a deep breathe in and take notice of your mindset in this very moment," he says. we all went quiet and waited for the next instruction. "now i'm going to dismiss you group by group. but we're not going to blow the candle out just yet. be quiet as we do so. before you guys go to bed, you are going to be doing your last activity as a group." he says. they started dismissing us and we left. the counselors lead us out to an open field area behind the dinning hall. we all tried very hard to keep the flame of our candle alive while we walked.

it was still a bit wet out but it was just from the rain that we had gotten earlier. they made us stop and put our things down motioning that this is where we'll be doing the activity of the last night. i just can't wait to get in my bed. as fun as it's been, i miss home.

"ok so what you guys are going to be doing is standing in a circle backs facing out. there's going to be three people walking around and following what we say to do. the people in the middle are going to have their eyes closed." three people got out of the circle one of them being matt. the rest of us closed our eyes and stood there.

"touch someone's shoulder if they've made you feel safe." all we could do is hear the rustling of their feet and them touching our shoulders with a light tap.

"touch someone that has changed."

"touch someone you consider a leader."

"touch someone that believes in you."

"touch someone you've helped out."

"touch someone if they've made you smile."

"touch someone you can turn to."

"touch someone you want in your future."

"touch someone if they've made you laugh."

"touch someone if they've made you feel strong."

"touch someone if they changed you for the better."

"touch someone you feel like you can open up to."

"touch someone if they've brought something you'll carry."

"and touch someone you'd call a friend."

"you may open your eyes." we all did and looked around as if it'd give away who tapped us. but it didn't. we did the same thing a few more times until everyone went around to tap someone. after that we headed back to the camp ground and went into our tents to get ready for bed.

tomorrow's our last day and i just can't wait. i miss my dad. it's crazy to think that while i'm out here something could be wrong at home that i never knew about. i hope that wasn't true though. i can't loose him. he's my everything and the only thing i got left.  i'm just ready to go home.

a tear escaped my eye and i turned around and closed my eyes trying to find sleep. after awhile i couldn't. so i did what i did the first night i was here. i went outside on the step of the tent. the moon wasn't as bright as the first night but i could still see a couple steps in front of me.

this whole experience has been the best and it reminds me of the things my mom taught me. be nice, even if the person isn't nice to you. be the bigger person and own up to your actions. you don't know what a persons going through so don't say anything you'll regret later. i might not have followed some of those based off of matt. but they're still burned in the back of my head.

i sighed and stood up going back into the tent. tomorrow's a new day, i'll try again and i'll be a better person. the girl matt knows isn't the girl i am. and i want him to know that. i climbed into my sleeping bag and closed my eyes.

tomorrow's a new day. i'll be better i promise. i remind myself as i went to sleep.

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