s e l f i s h

s i x

today was the last day and i was so ready to go home. i miss my dad and my bed. a shower too. we all got up and ready to get breakfast just as our day normally starts and goes.

"you guys excited to go home?" eve asked. by this time around she should know we're not awake and we don't want to talk.

"i'm just excited for the shower." one of the girls said. we all nodded and mumbled agreeing with her. we got to the diner sang songs, ate, and went to our last few activities before going home.

"alright so what we're going to do is we're going to split you all up in different areas around the campsite where we did all our activities in the past. we're going to give you a note book, pen and envelope and you're going write yourself a letter. it can be about what you've done, what you learned, and the mindset you're at in this time." eve explained.

we went up the mountain walking along the trail. each place they looked to see if it was open for someone to sit there for awhile and write. they left me in an area where we did one of our share circles and right beside me in a different area was matt. once they left i places the notebook down and sat next to it on a different bench.

"do you know what you're going to write about?"

"no."

"me either. maybe we could help each other."

"no." i spat. i stood up and started walking around in circles until i couldn't anymore.

"you sure you don't want help?"

"yes, i'm sure."

"alright just checking." he said in surrender. 

i sat down facing away from him and picked the little note pad and pen they gave me. i stared at it for awhile and just wrote down that i was in a good stat mentally and physically and that i should never let that part go. it was one page but that was all they were going to get from me. i ripped the page out, folded it and put it inside the envelope. 

"you done already?" i almost forget he was here.

"yea, i didn't have much to say. i'm also not much of writer." i said turning around. 

"really? well i didn't notice." you could hear all the sarcasm he put into it as he was talking.

"can you not?"

"not what?" 

"do that."

"do what?"

"talking to me. don't you have anything else to do besides being so annoying."

"no, if you haven't noticed i finished writing while you were walking around in circles." 

"why would i do that when i try my best to ignore you. but all you do is bust into my life and my conversations. have you ever noticed that i don't like you and want you to leave me alone!" i was fuming. 

"i have and i've always wanted to know why. what have i ever done to you to make you so mad at me. i want to know more about you and your personal life. i want to be your friend."

"why? why can't you just leave me alone. like the rest of the guys do around here."

"because i'm not like them. i want to talk to everyone and get to know everyone here. please give me a chance."

"no."

"why?"

"because."

"because is not an answer just tell me why."

"because after this is over we'll never see each other again. we'll never talk to one another and you're going to forget that exist." 

"no i won't."

"yes you will. we all will." 

"alright guys if you guys are finished we're going to head back down to the campsite so you guys can pack up all your things." the counselors yelled. i grabbed all my things before he could say another word. i felt a tug at my arm and i turned around to see him with sad eyes.

"i'm sorry."

"you shouldn't be. i am." i say. with that we walked back towards the counselors saying nothing to each other on the way there. we all regrouped and i went towards hayley. 

"hey why you look so sad?" she said. 

"i'll tell you when we get back to the tent." i say in sorrow. but i tried covering it up so no one else knew. all the girls were hunched together talking and they all noticed the same thing hayley did. so we all made plans that we'd meet up inside hayley and i's tent after we were done packing up. 

we got back to the campsite and we all went our separate ways. the girls in a hurry because they wanted to hear what happened. me and hayley went to our tent and closed the curtain. while we were packing we talked about it. 

"spill."

"matt was in the area next to me."

"and?"

"and i was pacing around my area because i didn't know what i wanted to write and didn't want to. he started talking to me. but i didn't want to talk to him as usual. so i sat down facing away from him and wrote a page. he noticed i was done after that so he tried talking to me again. he was asking all these questions on how i didn't want to talk to him but i was to you and the girls. then i started asking why he wanted to know so much. he proceeded to say that he wasn't like the rest of the guys. i said he was and he wanted to know why but i couldn't tell him the actual reason why so i said he wouldn't remember me after this camping thing is over. he wouldn't remember this conversation and have no memory of me at all." i finished the story as i finished putting the last piece of clothing in my bag and turned around to see what hayley thought. she hadn't started packing and was listening intensively. i sat down on the bed next to my bag. 

"you sounded like you had a great time writing." she said sarcastically.

"i just can't wait to go home and not deal with him pestering me anymore."

"but why? i mean i know why but he doesn't seem that bad. you should try to let him in. you've only dated one guy before and that was a while ago. just give him a chance. i think he can prove you wrong." she said. i thought about it and maybe she was right. but i still want to have a wall. before i could respond to her the other girls came in. even some from the other group wanted to know. they all sat around the tent and we talked. i left some parts out of the story that i didn't want them to know. after we got called but we all put each others phone numbers in a journal and the girl said she would make a group chat with us all in it. we went out and went on our way.  

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word count~1173