DARLING (RusCan)

"Darling" 10

  Matthew looked at Gilbert with a sense of familiarity, but his memories have consigned to oblivion. Gilbert reached deep into the pockets of the military coat and pulled out an image of him, Matthew, Arthur, and Alfred; his vade mecum. Matthew swabs the tears from his eyes but cannot refrain from crying, for the pain struck him deeply.

"I've waited years for you," Matthew's lament tore away at Gilbert's composure. "How could you leave?"

"Matthew, I would prefer to make amends to the time we had lost than to tell you something you're better off not knowing about." Matthew discerned the worst from Gilbert also wanted to atone for their time spent apart.

"Gilbert, could we talk for a minute?" Ivan whispered, tugging on Gilbert's clothing. Gilbert obliged and followed Ivan into the frosty weather outdoors. "How is it possible for you to be back?"

"Ivan, I did a lot of things to get myself back to Matthew." Gilbert blushed a light rhubarb color and felt a frisson thinking of Matthew. "The deportation felt more like exodus to Germany than a forceful leave, but I'm happy to be back with the boy that I've doted over for years."

Ivan's eyes filled with a begrudging to Gilbert as he was struck with the realization that Matthew had waited years for Gilbert's return but forgotten about him. He knew that Matthew's memory loss was not facultative, but it filled Ivan with deep envy he had never encountered before.

"You're not the only one who loves Matvey," Ivan's voice was clearly irritated. "I also came back to see my darling, Matthew."

Gilbert cocked his head. "You and I felt the same way about Matthew, but we'll see who he chooses in the end. Matthew was always forgotten by his brother as mine disregarded my existence or relation to him." Gilbert tugged at his own uniform. "Our longing to be acknowledged was filled by each other. I don't know why you love him, but I won't judge your feelings for my little bird."

Ivan's jealousy for Matthew and Gilbert's connection was almost desirous, even if Matthew was his. "Please, let Matvey be mine." Ivan pleaded like a puppy wanting entry into a warm home. "I don't care what has to happen, but I don't want you to take Matvey from me; he already chose me."

"Let me have a day with him, Ivan, just this one day." Gilbert adverted his gaze knowing that he even with how much he wanted Matthew, Matthew loved Ivan. "I'm not asking for much, just give me one day."

"Ivan, Gilbert." Both men turned around to face Matthew and his soft expression of love towards both. "Is something wrong?"

Gilbert's expression changed from irritation to a softer composure, one of compassion. Ivan released his tension upon seeing Matthew but still held alertness next to Gilbert. Matthew signaled the two to come back inside; Gilbert glared at Ivan who strode towards Matthew.

"Watch yourself," Gilbert muttered, trying to stay self-possessed in front of Matthew. "I outclass you in every way, that's why Matthew loves me."

Ivan wrapped his arms around Matthew; the feeling was scaturient with love. Matthew's warmth countered the ice that crept through Ivan's heart. Ivan looked upon the Christmas trees that decorated his neighbor's lawns and remembered the times he decorated trees with Matthew. Ivan recalled the stellate ornaments that they used to decorate the tops of trees. The trees aligned the sidewalk like an Alameda, some close enough to resemble a motte.

"Ivan, is everything alright?" Matthew gazed at Ivan, taking in Ivan's calm expression that hid his emotions completely, but Matthew knew Ivan enough to know there was something wrong.

"Matvey, aren't you suspicious of Gilbert?" Ivan darted his eyes in Gilbert's general direction. "I need a clear understanding of how he entered the country again." Ivan shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't follow." Matthew's head cocked to one side. "He left the country to take care of his mother, right?"

"No, Matvey, It's just..." Ivan shook his head. "Gilbert shouldn't be here! It's not right! Nothing about this is right!"

"Ivan, I can't believe you would say such a thing. After all this time, I thought we could get back together and I could have my friends again, but you choose to object? What did Gilbert do to you?" Matthew was on the verge of tears, furiously wiping at his eyes. "Gilbert was always so kind and honest to me; I need you, to be honest too. Ivan, who caused that accident in high school? Was it you? Have you been deceiving me all this time to think you're some kind of saint?"

"No! Matvey, I wouldn't, you know I love you too much." Ivan reached his hand out to Matthew, who promptly swiped it away. "Matvey, I didn't."

"Then who did?" Matthew choked his words out from the overflowing tears.

"It was Natalya." Ivan's words made Matthew shake. "If I told you earlier, she could have killed you."

"So you did lie to me. You let a psychopath into my home under the premise she was just your crazy sister? She could have killed me, why are you so cruel?" Matthew collapsed in his defeat. "You're lying about Gilbert too, aren't you?"

"He's not, my little bird, I've been dishonest as well." Gilbert slipped into their conversation, the bright rubies of his eyes dulled to a dusty red. "I'm here on illegal terms, I was actually deported all those years ago." Matthew felt his heart sink. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to see you one last time. I only have a few days here, but I wanted you to know that I loved you."

Gilbert reached out for Matthew, wanting to give his little bird one last gesture of love. Matthew was shocked and afraid, unable to react to either Ivan or Gilbert. As much as Gilbert wanted to express his longing one last time to someone who may not accept, he couldn't push himself to stress Matthew any further. Gilbert apologized promptly and turned around to find his brother staring at him, folder in hand.

"Actually," Ludwig trotted up behind Gilbert. "When mother called saying you were trying to come back, I filled out some papers for you and... we can get your citizenship on New Year's. Merry Christmas, brother."

Ivan helped Matthew up from the snow-capped ground, his hands grasping onto his lover. Ivan understood Gilbert's pain and distress and nodded.

"You may spend today with him, I have all the other days, you know." Ivan leads Matthew by the hand to Gilbert, who smiled. "Merry Christmas."

The rest of the day was spent with Matthew painting ornaments with Gilbert, baking gingerbread homes, singing Christmas Carols while watching old Christmas movies for their high school nostalgia. Matthew was finally happy. Kumajiro politely greeted Gilbert with kisses, reminding Gilbert of the times they spent at the park and were greeted by dogs.

"Thank you, darling," Gilbert whispered as he placed a soft kiss on Matthew's forehead. With those sweet words, a flood of memories drenched Matthew's mind.