A Series of Ephemeral Tales

grief

A Free Verse Poem in Grief

By Ysabella Susim

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Grief.

I spent endless nights wrapped in you
Suffocating in you
Screaming you
Crying you.
You were every part of me in the beginning.
You were that voice in the dark
The numb pain blooming in my chest
You were loss and pain and sorrow.

At first I denied the reason you came to me

Denial is a funny thing
You live with this false optimism.
You live with empty hope
Hope that you will wake from the sick nightmare you haunt.
You deny the emptiness and the reasons
She wouldn't leave— she couldn't.

And the denial twists and turns and burns inside you until you are left with only anger

Anger is a fuel
Anger is a distraction
Anger reminds you that you can feel

You get angry at a lot of things.
You get angry at looks of sympathy
You get angry with people who try to justify what you feel
You lash out
You say things you don't mean
You think irrationally and fail and get angry that you fail

But anger fades and you are left to plea for some type of emotion to fill the void of grief

You bargain

You ask God to bring her back
You promise things you should probably do anyway, like pray, or succeed.
You beg for your grief to be appeased

But it won't.
Bargaining never works unless you are willing to sacrifice more than what's earthly.

And so we fall into that dark, deep void
Into the grief.

Depression is a term used lightly, but its always there.
Everyone is afflicted with it
We grieve diseases like cancer or the likes
But people lose the battle with depression every day.
Depression is both our friend and our murderer
It stays with you through all the loss and pain and sorrow, and you never realize how toxic it is until you contemplate dying.
You pick up a blade, or stand on a ledge,
Or hold the braided necklace and contemplate  ending it as you stare into the ocean of pills around you.

But there is more to life than darkness

Grief eases— it never heals, but it eases.
The shock of the loss fades away when you learn to accept it.

Grief is, in its own way, a friend

Without grief or loss, we could never know joy.
Grief teaches us to hold precious memories dear to our heart.
Grief teaches you more about your own strength than you'd have known before it came to you
Grief teaches you to be stronger than before
Grief is the flame that forged the iron in our hearts that lend us strength to continue living. To make a better world than we lived in before.

Accepting grief is the strongest thing a person can do.

Some people lose the battle to grief, propagating more sorrow.

But don't lose your battle. Choose to be strong, and to live for the light and a better tomorrow