Anthropophobia → a.i

0.2

"And how did you feel about this boy talking to you?"

"Don't look at me like that?" I said and turned around not facing my doctor.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Can you please answer my question?" she asked kindly and I sighed. Why did I brought up Ashton again? Oh yeah...because I'm seriously stupid.

"He was annoyingly curious" I mumbled and turned back around. I was facing the floor because even after 6 years of talking with doctor Kate I still feel uneasy around her. I slightly looked up and saw her write something on her notebook.

"But you did talk to him?"

"Yes. He wouldn't leave me alone otherwise" I mumbled and looked at the clock. Three more minutes.

"Have you thought that maybe you aren't scared of him?" She asked now and I abruptly looked up at her. Fear instantly started to consume me. What if she yells at me for looking at her like that? What if she doesn't want to be my doctor anymore?

I quickly looked down again.

"I can't. I...he's going to hurt me. I know it" I whispered.

"Have you been taking your meds?" she asked once more. I nodded my head to confirm what she said. The pills made me sleepy but both my parents and doctor Kate said that it's for the best.

"Alright"

"Can I go?" I mumbled and she said yes. I quickly got up and rushed to get my coat. I exited her office and wore my coat. I saw my mum waiting at the room next door. She had a magazine on her hands, she was barely paying attention to it. Mindlessly turning the pages.

I shielded myself with my coat and stood a good 5 meters away from my mum. In the center of the room not looking to the rest of the people waiting there.

"Mum" I said silently and I saw her instantly letting go of the magazine and getting up. Closer to me. I took a step back and she immediately stopped and smiled at me.

"How are you?"

"Okay. I want to go to my room" I didn't say home anymore. Home is supposed to be the place you feel safe and happy. Well then I guess my home is my room.

"Okay. Let's go" she said and started walking towards the exit and the car. She didn't stop to wait for me. She knew I wouldn't follow unless she was in front of me. I don't like walking side by side with people.

I don't like being in the same room with people. I can't stand more than an hour. I can't stand people talking to me. I just can't. I can't stand people.

As I was approaching the car that was parked just outside the clinic someone called my name. And it wasn't someone familiar. Plus not many people knew my name. I was just the weird girl who at year 6 started screaming and crying in the middle of lunch.

"Hey, Natalie wait" I turned around and there I saw Ash coming towards me. I heard mum squeal but I was frozen. What do I do? Do I say hi? Hi isn't good? WHAT AM I SAYING?

He hasn't even said anything and I think I'm going to faint for lack of oxygen. Seeing I was a bit terrified Ashton put some distance between us and smiled.

"How are you?" He asked but I couldn't reply. Why did he have to be a nice guy and remember my name? Can't he be some sort of annoying jerk who forgets girls name's all the time?

That would be convenient.

"Are you ok?" he asked again when I didn't reply. I blinked my eyes and shook my head. Afterwards I nodded my head  to answer his question and looked down.

He's away. He can't hurt you. You won't let him come closer. You won't let him hurt you!

"So I was thinking-" he started but I had this huge urge to vomit from how fast my heart was beating and how my stomach was doing flips from worry.

"Bye" I said and got at the backseat of mum's car. I saw him look so confused from the rearview mirror but I just looked down and shoved my hands in my pockets.

"Why didn't you talk to him , sweety?" Mum asked and I cringed from how sweet she acted.

She is just trying to get to me. She will hurt me like anyone else. Why will she be any different?

"My room" was all I could say back. I heard mum sigh. For the rest of the ride home I kept my head down. I let my tears flow and when we reached home I didn't say hi to anyone in the house and just...went to my room.

Where I cried again.

Why am I so fucked up?

Why can't I be more...normal?

I know people say normal is overrated. But this isn't nice. I need something normal in my life. Anything. I need to live again instead of fear every second outside of my room.

But how will I do that when everyone wants to hurt me?

All of them will do their best to hurt me the minute they will have a chance. No exceptions. No one is better.

They are all monsters. And they're going to hurt me.

I guess this is why dad couldn't get the monster to leave my closet.

He was just another one.

And they were all out there to get me.

***

Just how sick Natalie is??

I love it. Vote and comment! :3