Anthropophobia → a.i

0.3

And like this whole scenario wasn't enough (Ashton wanting to talk to me and stuff) my sister was in a good mood and wanted to play. Needless to say, I shut the door in her face and curled up in a small ball on my bed.

And then I started crying; letting all the fear and the anxiety all these people caused me to take over me and control me.

Moments like this I often wish I didn't have to feel like this. I curse my luck and wonder why did it have to be me? Out of all fears I had to pick the worst. The one that had me so freaked out and so closed up. It was really bad like I was a prisoner in my own house. Nobody has to feel like that.

I don't know how much time has passed since we came home. I had already decided that tomorrow I wouldn't go to school so I aimlessly sat at my bed; staring at my ceiling until I started crying.

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"Honey, time for school"

"I'm not going today" I said loud enough so mum could hear my voice.

"Are you sure?" she asked and I could tell that her smile had disappeared.

"Yes"

"Alright. I'll let them know" she said right before I heard her heels clicking on the floor; meaning she went downstairs.

I simply closed my eyes and started dreaming. Dreaming what I wanted to have but couldn't.

Friendships I could have or keep.

After about three hours of constant daydreaming about my life I decided I sould get up and get something to eat.

Deciding on an easy solution I made a bowl of cereal and sat alone in the kitchen; slowly eating. I remember when I still could eat with my parents. Seems so long ago. But even when the phobia first surfaced I could still control the fear somehow. I could do it for an hour or so, so we could be a family. Even for just an hour.

I went back to my room; not looking to family pictures that were hang on the wall. After all the past 4 years I am absent from those pictures. I have seen my sister asking for a copy of the picture and then draw me next to her. I guess she remembers how I was before that.

Laying back on bed I opened my laptop and logged in to my account on Tumblr.

Now I feel like home. Safe and sound.

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Update time woohoo!!