The Arcana-Head Canons and Oneshots

No More Tears (Julian)(Vent)

Trigger warning(s): Depressive thoughts and actions. If you are not doing great please reach out to someone for help and know you are not alone and that you matter.
Gender-Neutral
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"I'm no good, I can't do anything right.
He only likes the idea of  being with me ,not actually me or who I am. Why would someone even want to be with someone like me?" These thoughts beat in my head like a drum, clouding my judgement and mindset, as I look down at the oceans' waves which are gently crashing into my legs and the dock I am sitting on. My bottoms are rolled up in an attempt for them to not get wet as my knees down to my feet are submerged in the chilly water. I close my eyes, rest my elbows against my thighs, and put my head in my hands as though it would make my thoughts less painful. The cold currents gently crash into my legs making the bottom of my clothes damp around the hem, but this has been happening for the past thirty minutes so I am not surprised. I drift into a daydream to distract myself from the emotional whirlwind in my mind. The night grows cooler as the last of the afternoon sun drifts into the horizon leaving me in the dark, feeling more alone in my thoughts, with the only light being the distant street lights due to the dark clouds of an approaching storm covering the moon and stars. My daydreaming comes to an end almost as soon as it began, and I continue to try and block out the toxic thoughts entering my head but I can't and I let out a quiet whimper which lend into quiet, wordless, sobs. I sat there crying in the dark as I heard distant thunder roll in but I didn't care anymore if I get stuck in a storm. I needed to let out these emotions. I take a few breathes, and I feel my breathing even out but tears still stream down my cheek. I am caught off guard when I feel someone gently touch my shoulder. I jump a bit at the touch and I wipe my eyes so I look more presentable. I turn and face whoever was here for me. The person happens to be a very concerned looking Julian,he was in his dark blue almost black outfit with the black cloak which normally is draped across his shoulders hanging in one of his arms. I examine his face and body language and I notice that he wasn't wearing his gloves or eye patch though, which was unusual for him especially while he is out. He whispers my name in a worried tone and moves his hand to my cheek. "My love what's wrong,I've been looking for you all afternoon, and I know you only come out here when you have something on your mind." I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from crying again and just look up at him. I swing my legs out of the water and I stand up, look at him and just engulf him in a hug. He looks down at me surprised and he relaxes into my hug because he wasn't expecting it, but I need a hug and I think he noticed.I notice that I am now crying more, and he gently picked me up and holds me so I was sitting in his arms. He looks me in the eyes, his eye brows furrowed with worry and he moves some stray hair away from my face and wipes a few of my tears away. I nod as a way to say thank you because I'm worried if I talk I'll start sobbing again. He understands this and he leaves a gentle kiss on my forehead "Don't cry darling,I know it's hard it's alright,I love you,I will always love you and be here for you,please don't keep everything bottled up anymore darling..." He whispers this as he wipes the newly formed tears from my face and I wrap my arms around his neck and shoulders and lean into his embrace.
I shake my head slightly. "Why do you stay with me, I'm a mess...your life would be so much easier if you didn't have to chase me around." I ask quietly. He places a soft kiss on my lips "Because you are kind, beautiful,and my love,I won't trade you for the world." He kisses my face a few times trailing down to my neck. "I don't care what is easier or what you think is easier, I will always chase you." He whispers this against my neck before playing a single soft kiss, and moving back up to my lip. I let out a soft laugh against his kiss and smile and kiss him back. His grip on me tightens and I wrap my arms around his neck as we both go into the kiss. We both separate,
as little as we wanted too, so we could breathe "Would you care to finish talking about this with more privacy my darling? I wouldn't want us to be caught out in the rain." He asks this with his usual grin,I smile back at him because I can't help but smile for his smile is contiguous "Of course Jules." He lowers his arms and I carefully hop out of his arms and grab my shoes from the dock, and he wraps his overcoat around me. I smile and take his hand as we begin to walk back to my shop, our home. We make it inside the shop, and I take off the jacket, and drop my shoes. He removes his over shirt and I look over at him. He opens up his arms and I go back into his embrace. He hugs me tight and just holds me, carefully rocking us back and forth. "I'm going to be honest, I was so nervous when I could not find you darling I thought you were hurt or in danger, and it looks like you were." He says this softly as he rests his head against mine. I sigh and look at the floor of the walkway we are standing in. "I'm so sorry, I just needed space and I feel like I can't tell you this stuff, it feels selfish." He takes my face in his hands and kisses my forehead. "That's not true at all, I'm always here for you and I know you are here for me. You can tell me anything, okay?" I nod and he smiles softly. "No more tears, alright?" I nod again and kiss him. "Okay, I love you Jules." He smiles. "I love you as well darling."
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Original Word count: 677
Original published: October 2019
Rewritten word count: 1153
Rewritten: 7-25-2022