The Outlaw (Outlander Fanfiction With A Twist)

I Missed You

The heat of flickering fire and sweating bodies licked my flesh . Bright blue eyes bore into me , awakening  a flame deep within my stomach  . I could hear my heart thump and lips move yet no words come out . My eyebrows pulled together in complete and utter confusion . 

That's exactly how i remembered him  . 

" Would you like a drink sir ? " The barman asked after seconds of palpable silence . 

The man before me sneered and raised the pistol even higher . His aim was percise and hands steady . I took a slow step forward keeping my palms away from my weapons belt . 

" Give him whiskey , the best  you can find . " I answered in his stead . As soon as he heard my voice , the corners of Robert's lips pulled into a chilling smile . Right behind him I could see movement and then familiar faces emerged , one young and untouched , the other marred with pale scars . 

" As much of a drunk as before I see ." Robert handed the pistol over to his oldest advisor and friend before fixing the lapels of his form fitting coat . As always he had an air of arrogance around him . Arrogance laced with intimidation , it made everyone but me shrink in their seats . 

" When all goes to shit .." I trailed off whilst shrugging my shoulders .

××

Robert walked back and forth , the soles of his shoes thumping against the wooden floor .

" You betrayed me . " He spoke after a long pause . We've been sitting in a bedroom of an inn , drowning in tension .

My head rolled and neck cracked . He sounded angry as he growled out his words . I crossed my arms and kicked my feet in the air . The position I was sitting in was far from lady like .

" And you came to retrieve me . It must have taken a lot . " I said trying to come to terms with Robert's sudden appearance . In looks he remained the same , in the way he handled me I thought he was a stranger.

" The blood of the people we had to sacrifice is on your hands . " Robert stopped pacing from one side to the other and pointed at me , his body leaning towards mine . Although a lump formed in my throat I stared back giving him a look of indifference  .

" You should've known that I wouldn't be phased , so why you trying to guilt trip me ? " I cocked my head to the side .

A sharp tsk left his lips before he sat down in front of me . Surrounded by people he seemed calm and collected  , placed in a room with only me  resulted in the real Robert surfacing from within the depths of a carefully carved demeanor  . He was impulsive and unpredictable . I would be lying if I said that I wasn't scared of him . The gun incident was nothing compared to what he's capable of. 

" I'm ." I cleared my throat to say a single word . A word I have never used in my whole life .

" You're what ? " Robert asked waving his hand in a circle . He knew what I was about say and seemed to enjoy my struggle .

" I'm sorry , okay , I'm sorry . " I finally managed to cough out an apology.

" You have much making up to do ." He stared right into my eyes with a hard look .

" now " Robert paused and looked towards the window
" let's go . " He grabbed my arm and forcefully pushed me up on my feet . Even though he was more lanky than his right hand man , he strength was not something I ever questioned . I felt his grip tighten around my flesh and bit my tongue keeping in a whimper .

" Robert ." I choked out while looking at my feet . I stayed rooted to the ground , pulling away from his hold . Guilt started to creep in like a pest .

" I want to stay . " I said finally looking up and instantly regretting it .

" I said we're going ." It was a statement , one that served almost as a warning .

" I-I want to stay , please . " I fell to my knees taking a hold of his hand . I couldn't go , not now , not when I've found my sister , not when it's her wedding day and not when I had some people to kill .

What happened during my wedding inflicted a wound upon me , a wound that stung , tore me a part and needed the right antidote  . I didn't know if revenge would be that antidote , yet I was hurt beyond belief and needed some peace of mind . Ripping into a couple hearts and shredding them would surely ease my mind . I hoped it would yet the more time I spend with Claire I can't help but think that , these thoughts of mine are wrong , they make me a rotten person .

" I need to tell you something . " I could feel tears form in my eyes .

" I got married . I got married to this amazing man , you'd love him . He's dead Robert , he's dead.   " My lips contorted into a sad smile . Robert stood still , unblinking . I waited for him to say something , to hug me like he used to when I was a girl . He was always the one to comfort me .

" Darling . " He spoke softly , kneeling down and caressing my cheek in a gentle manner .

" I don't care . " He whispered , his face a couple of inches away from mine . I could feel his warm breath on my skin making me shiver from unwelcome closeness . His tone of voice was menacing . I should have known that things would be different between us , especially after the stunt I pulled . It was all my fault , for making him worry and for leaving without notice . I was never selfish towards him until the minute I left him  .

I have changed immensely since I last said my goodbye . I never went against his word , never questioned his actions . I never thought killing , even the worst of people , was immoral . At some point it became like a chore , he made it that way , he made me that way .

An emotion stronger than fear started to ripple through my body . It was anger , anger at him . I always hated myself and questioned my existence . Everytime I shot a bullet , everytime I spilled blood of someone other than myself  a piece of who I was , the once ,  little ,  innocent girl was torn from me .

I loved that man-I knew I would always love him no matter how evil of a person he was towards his counterparts , or even a poor man who couldn't pay back his debts .

I took in a deeper breath and let the anger within me simmer down .

" Okay , but first I want to attend my sisters wedding . " I said standing up myself and once again taking a hold of his hand . I did it gently this time .

I knew what was coming once we returned back to our time and I  most definitely wasn't prepared for it . There's rules , and if rules are broken , so are bones .