Dark Dreams

HELPLINE

Suddenly, the scorching heat of the sun turned into a biting icy wind.

It was then that I realized that I'd really done it this time.

"Where the hell have you been?!" cried my mother as soon as she saw me.

My heart was kicking like a bull facing a bullfighter as I searched for the appropriate words.

The truth is that I just wanted to throw myself into her arms and hear myself say that nothing had happened and that she would fix everything. But she was my mother, and not understanding me was the thing she did best.

"Sarah Elizabeth Bloom!" she shouted, chanting every single letter, "I told you to tell me where you were immediately!"

I stood there looking at her, unable to move my body, which seemed to be frozen.

She got up angrily and headed toward me.

"Where are your clothes? Because I certainly don't work day and night for you to go out dressed in those rags! And I don't work from morning to night so that my daughter disappears off to do God knows what. I'll ask you again," she paused to catch her breath, "where... the... hell... have... you... been?!"

"Mom..." I said with the little voice I had left, "I can explain everything..."

She put her hand to her mouth, which was open with astonishment.

"You... you.... you stink of booze!"

Damn.

I closed my eyes, scared of her reaction.

I was expecting a slap or worse, but nothing happened.

"I've been waiting for hours, not having the slightest idea where you were!" she said through gritted teeth. "I called the police, but they told me it was too early to say if you were missing or not. I knocked on all the neighbors' doors and called all the stores in the area. I even walked, or ran, to your school, thinking that maybe the library was open this Sunday for a change and that you had fallen asleep on your books while you were studying, because, you know, I thought my little Sarah had her head screwed on and that her priority was thinking about our future, her future."

"But I was thinking about my future..."

"Shut up!" she yelled, gesticulating. "That's not even the best part. You want to know what is?"

She didn't give me time to answer. Not that I knew what to say.

"The best part of this whole story is that..." Her voice was lost in her sobs.

I could endure my tears, but not my mother's.

"Mom..." I whispered, stepping towards her.

She signaled with her hand for me to stay away, sniffing.

"The funniest part of this whole story is that we had to leave at eight o'clock to be at Blueshore in time. Now it's too late, tonight I have a shift." I had never seen my mother reduced to this state. "And, the money for Dad's flowers has disappeared. How could you do this to him, Sarah? I might have forgiven you for escaping home and being out all night, but I can't forgive you for being a thief. Stealing the money for her deceased father's flowers..." Her face was filled with disgust. "You are no longer my daughter. The little girl I brought up would never do something like that."

She was right.

I disgusted myself too.

But what had I been thinking? I wanted to slap myself, and once I'd finished punishing myself, force my mother to do it. Not only had I hurt my mother and made her worry, but I had also prevented her from visiting the grave of the one man she had ever loved. Not to mention the fact that my father was definitely turning in his grave after seeing what I had done. And then there was the question of last night. My mother would have thrown me out of the house if she knew that I had woken up completely naked in a double bed that morning.