Dark Dreams

THE GAME

I tried to shove my bag into the locker, an increasingly difficult operation because of the number of books that Union Hills forced us to study. I thought doubtfully about Dick's words. I imagined fearfully what he meant by "I got you a gift". And then there was what he'd said about Jay. By now I was determined to end the day honorably, but it would be even better if I could put things right with the first and maybe last guy a girl like me would ever have. I was ready to apologize and even beg if he'd only ask; anything to have one last chance at being held in those arms, which had made me feel safe and accepted for the first time since I'd arrived in Goldmist. The problem was that I didn't know how he'd react. Maybe he would reject me in front of the whole school, gathered to watch the game.

Well, it would be just one of the many social humiliations in my life.

Jay was worth the risk.

I slammed the locker door hard, imagining it representing all my fears. I arranged my clothes and hair as best I could without a mirror and walked towards the stadium.

A rowdy crowd of students sat in a disorderly manner on the stadium's blue benches which, lit by the sun which was rising fast in the sky, shone like deep ocean waters. The cheerleaders were already on the field, preparing to show off their legs, capable of making movements that I thought impossible. Naturally, Katrina was one of them, ready to prove there was nothing she couldn't do. Haya was sitting next to Amir and the two were holding hands. The looks that Fanny, sitting alone, was giving them made me think that it was over between them, although it had never really started. I felt like the bad guys in stories as I thought how was all my fault. Haya's parents were old-fashioned conservatives and, apart from the aircraft company they owned, they were far removed from anything associated with progress.

I sent a message to Kiki telling her that I'd decided to follow her advice, even though it was Dick who had had more weight in my decision, and that I'd be waiting for her on the bottom benches. I elbowed my way through the crowd to get one of the few free spots, but like a fish on a hook, I was ensnared by the delicious smell of freshly baked donuts that the Union Hills vendor was carrying in a glass box that, thanks to braces, rested on his stomach. I hurried toward him when I realized he had only one chocolate donut left. Just as I reached him, Jay emerged from the path that connected the changing rooms to the pitch, and bad luck meant he too was headed for the donut guy.

An embarrassing silence fell when we found ourselves side by side. My heart was in my throat just standing next to such beauty, I couldn't help it. He looked even more perfect than usual in his soccer kit and I couldn't stop thinking about every time I'd been able to lay my lips on his.

It took all my self-control not to rush toward him like a bee zooming toward fragrant, colorful flowers in a field.

"What can I get you?" asked the mustached man, causing the donut that was affixed to his hat with a rusty spring to sway back and forth.

"Nothing," I said, looking away.

I knew chocolate donuts were Jay's favorite.

"No, nothing," he repeated in a tone that was a mix of anger and disappointment.

"Luckily not all students are like you two, otherwise I might have to change jobs," said the man, laughing. "You can't imagine how hard it would be to say goodbye to a funny hat like this."

Sensing the chilly atmosphere between me and Jay, the vendor stopped laughing, suddenly uncomfortable.

I bit my lip nervously. My cheeks were burning and I felt breathless. I hated being so awkward with people. They should have added "social relations for beginners" to the numerous courses they ran at Union Hills; I would be the first to arrive and the last to leave.