Melted by You

21

I slowly open my eyes. It's still dark outside, and I still feel tired, but I just woke up. It's a good thing today is a Saturday, I barely slept last night. Every time I closed my eyes, yesterday's events would come rushing back to me. After I got home on the subway, I considered blocking Owen's number, but when I got home I saw he hadn't messaged me, so it wasn't necessary.

I still can't figure out why I don't feel good about this. I like Owen so, so much, but being in a relationship with him... The thought makes me feel nervous. The thought of a relationship makes me nervous. So I'll just have to live with the fact that it won't happen. I just have to put myself past this. I can do that, right?

I get out of bed, and walk towards the bathroom. I take a long, warm shower, hoping it'll calm me down. It doesn't. I get dressed and go downstairs to eat breakfast. My mom isn't downstairs yet, because it's still eight in the morning. Way too early for a Saturday, I know, but I can't help it. I'm not going to fall asleep again anyway.

I stare at my plate when I finish eating my food, and sigh. I don't know what I want to do next. I could watch some TV, but I might wake everyone up if it's too loud. In that regard, showering wasn't such a great idea either. Besides, I feel like doing something. Something to distract myself from my thoughts. Go outside, hang out with friends, do a hobby.

I get up, and walk to the hallway. I grab my coat, and step outside the house. Once there, I send my mom a message telling her I went out to meet Dean and Lucas. I don't even know if they're awake, but I just want to be outside the house for today. This is just an excuse. I check my pockets, and feel that I have my wallet with me. That's a relief, I can go out and buy something to eat around lunchtime.

After a while of walking, I come to a sort of park. It's near a high cliff, with a lot of nature. I decide to get something to eat and just sit for a while. I walk into a supermarket, buy a box of donuts, and walk into the park. I breathe in the cold air of mid-November, and walk along the long path. There are birds sitting in the trees, chirping happily. They don't have crushes, do they? Birds aren't like humans. It's a lot less complicating for them. I'm beginning to feel a little jealous, until I realise birds die when they're like, fifteen. If I were a bird I'd have been dead for a year by now.

I walk all the way to the edge of the cliff, and look down. Far, far beneath me, cars are driving across the main road. For a second I consider dropping one of my donuts, just to see what would happen, but that would be a waste of my donut. The only other stuff I could drop are grass, which would just be blown away, and stones, which would do severe damage. I sigh, and sit down, flailing my legs over the edge. I know it's dangerous, but I don't think I'll fall down. The cliff is very steady.

I sit there and eat for a while, until I'm out of donuts. There's nobody here, because it's cold outside, so I just lie down on my back, staring at the grey sky above me. I'm lucky it's not raining right now. I close my eyes, and lay on my back like that on the grass for a while. I just want to know what's wrong. I really like Owen, and seeing as he kissed me yesterday, there's a very big chance he likes me back.

"Landon?"
I open my eyes, and look up. Hovering above me is a face that makes me feel very weird again.
"Hi Maggie" I say.
"Hey" Maggie says quietly. She looks a bit better than when I bumped into her at school, but she still doesn't look like herself. I sit up, and look her in the face.
"What are you doing here?" she asks.
"Oh, I was thinking. About stuff" I murmur. She sits down next to me, also dangling her legs over the edge of the cliff.
"What about you?" I ask.
"Same thing" she says, and she sighs. She looks at the cars beneath us. There's a sad look in her eyes, and I suddenly feel very concerned.
"You weren't going to..."
She looks up, and her eyes widen a bit.
"Oh, no! No, I'm not that sad" she reassures me. "I've just been feeling kind of down lately".

"Oh" I say, not sure how else to respond to that. I don't hate her as much as all my other friends seem to, but that doesn't mean I want to be her friend.
"You're not looking very happy either" she says. I look up, and shrug.
"Just some drama" I say. "It's not a big deal".
We sit in silence for a while, both of us not very sure what to say to each other. It's been long since the two of us were alone together. The last time was probably when we broke up. She told me I had to choose between her and Willow. And as much as I liked her, if someone makes me decide between them or a friend, I'll always choose the other.

"Remember the time we were here together?" Maggie asks.
I nod, and chuckle quietly.
"Yeah" I say, and I sigh. It was our third date. We were just past that awkward phase in which neither of us knew what to say, and we just talked and talked for hours. Right at this spot. She was so different back then. Sometimes I think about how much she changed in just one year, and I realise how scary that is, in a weird way.

"My boyfriend broke up with me" Maggie says. "I know you probably don't care, but in case you were wondering, that's what's wrong with me".
I look at her. She's still staring at the cars.
"I know what I did was terrible, of course, but that article your friend made ruined everything. My new boyfriend got mad and broke up with me because of it".
I nod slowly.
She looks up at me, and smiles. A joyless smile.
"Your turn" she says.

"My crush kissed me but I ran away and I don't know why" I say.
"Why don't you just go back?" she asks.
"Because I want to know what's wrong first. I really like him but there's just something bothering me and I don't know what. And it's frustrating".
"Him" Maggie says, and she nods. "Can't say I'm surprised".
"You aren't?"
She shakes her head. "I kinda got that vibe from you when we first met".
"That I'm gay?"
"Not gay. Bi, maybe pan".

I blink a couple of times.
"Okay" I say. That's an interesting fact but I still don't know how to fix this mess.

"Is it my fault?" Maggie suddenly asks. I frown. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. Did I... Ruin you?"
She looks up at me, with a very worried look in her eyes.
"I was a terrible girlfriend. But not everyone is like that, Landon. There are plenty of people who would be so grateful to be your partner" she says, and she pulls her legs up, and stands up. I stand up too.

"I..."
I'm silent for a second.
"I think that might be right" I say, and I nod slowly. Maggie scared me. Maggie changed, what if Owen changes? What if he turns out to be jealous and controlling like Maggie suddenly became?
"Oh no" she says, and she puts a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry Landon. I'm so..."
"No, no. Thank you. You made me realise what my problem is" I say. She lowers her hand, and nods slowly.
"Okay" she says. "Well, it's been great to talk to you again".

I smile, and give her a hug.
"Bye Mags" I say. She smiles upon hearing me call her that. I always called her that when we were together.
"Bye Landon" she says, and she walks away.

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